Co-parenting Journey: Boob and chain what they don’t tell you about breastfeeding

After a busy Co-Co-Co-parenting Christmas our then 6 month old is a very busy very opinionated nearly mobile nearly 9 months. As I type there’s a heavy breathing/ panting and clanging noise coming from the dangerous corner of the living room. Yup, where the tv and electricals are. Sigh. She hasn’t napped. Nor has she stilled. She cried at lunch until I made her favourite fruit and yogurt. How did I know that’s what she wanted? Something about a little finger with a frazzled mummy wrapped around it…
Most significantly she WILL NOT take bottle. This is the crisis of the hour. And yet another small but important possibility that no one warns you about. We’d assumed that because she took bottle as a baby we could re-introduce it at any time. Well she’s not having a bar of it and I fear we’ve left it too late now, not least because she likes to have things her way - so be warned prospective Pride Angel parents! Turns out Munchkin was teething. But how do you ever know. A friend pointed out the bulges in her gums, “We had that, her teeth will be through soon.” And sure enough there they were, two widely spaced little top teeth poking through not two days later. She’s recently been referred to as a toddler. Perhaps a little prematurely but that’s how it’s beginning to feel. Her newly conquered milestones seem a lot this month; mobility - a form of crawling but she’s more interested in standing/walking, showing excitement, dancing (a vigorous head shake), first actual tantrum not wanting to go to sleep, pointing to her sippy cup when she wants a drink, longer spells of concentration and engagement at baby classes, more talking, lots of nose-picking, the list goes on. Probably there were long lists at each previous month and perhaps I’ve said it before but we’ve really got a little person on our hands. With this comes the inevitable planning for regaining mummy’s former life. Do I want it back? Or do I want to be with my girl? I keep telling myself it will be good for her to start nursery and learn to look after herself. Best of all there’s no doubt she appears to have the independent self-sufficient spirit that will see her thrive. But… it’s just another transition in the parenting journey. Like every other parent we’re tormenting ourselves with the notion of upsizing. “Let’s move to the country, it’ll be better for the baby!” Really? Isn’t commuting going to be tough enough for the next few years, sprinting, literally, from nursery to work and back. Every minute without her is going to feel like it counts. So for now it’s little steps and a lot of ‘let’s see’. As for co-parenting, we’re wangling a day off work a week per parenting set; our girl will get a daddy day and a mummy day each week. This is a very much hoped for arrangement coming to fruition. Her day with her dad will hopefully provide the benefits of regular one-on-one access - what a treat a whole day just the two of them!

Co-parenting journey - 9 weeks and blooming/ballooning

My not-so-little little girl (the Jewish mum in me swells with pride at the burgeoning double chin and tummy) is doing just fine. So much so that we’re electing to take her to the ‘states on a family trip. Bolstered by the online blog posts claiming that it’s easier to travel with a 2-3 month old than an 18 month old I’m taking heart and going for it – my next blog may mention the results!
My partner and I have agreed I should ‘modify’ my expectations for how much I’ll get to see and do. In our household this means lower them. After all, if I can’t get out of the house until beyond lunchtime in a sweat of stress at home, why should it be any different abroad? I’ve never been the U.S., am a born explorer and used to the freedom of pounding streets and crannies unencumbered. Much as I have now physically achieved lifting the baby, nappy bag, two parts of the heavy pram up three flights of stairs at a time (just one of many rites of passage for any mother worth her salt), it isn’t quite my idea of a fun time so the trip should be an interesting one. I need to realise the extent of my travel restrictions for the next 5 years. Wouldn’t a routine help? The mere word sends shivers down the spine…..
Much as my little sweetheart is a very good baby by all accounts, let’s be clear: showering, brushing my teeth and getting fully dressed in a day is still a victory. From 6-8 weeks the likes of Gina Ford start carping about routines and structure for the baby. My partner is all for this. But it falls down at the point of being me, 24/7 Mummy, who has to deliver it.
One fateful Monday my partner worked from home to oversee our first attempt at a routine. More implied than overt we both knew it wouldn’t happen left to me alone. One hour to feed and change, one to play and a 1.5 hour nap from waking. Not so hard, huh? Of course Little Beans had other ideas and not only did it fail but it took with it the previous few days’ of almost-routine behaviour, taking us on a completely new trajectory of hourly waking from 4am onwards. Most unforeseen.
By 7am I was comatose and my partner chucked her at my nipple in bed so she could go to work; I blocked out the pain of the resulting shallow bed-latch position with sleep. So, turnips to routines! Though I admit we could have tried it for more than 24 hours and would be happy to hear from people who have got it to work (and how!). Wearing a wristwatch might help but frankly, but it just ain’t me.
Along the rocky road of early parenthood we’ve often disagreed. This is no surprise - we’re behaving exactly to ‘type’ (of which we are opposites) and it can get frustrating. The bottom line is that when she does cry we both get stressed. And with that stress comes blame. And that word again, routine. It just won’t go away.
Talking to the other NCT girls’ their partners defer to them as ‘the birth mummy’, taking full account of every hormone and thought of cataclysm that intractably joins birth mummy and baby. It makes for more harmonious households by the sounds of things – certainly much less DISCUSSION at every juncture. “How much bottle shall we give her?”, “How many layers should she wear?”, “She’s too hot”, “No, she’s hungry!” No such luck in a single sex household. How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? God, please, not two!
Anecdotally and unsurprisingly, our girl wears a lot of baby blue. In fact she bloomin’ well rocks pale grey and pale blue. Lucky she is secure in her gender identity as her main wardrobe is cast-offs from her older future boyfriend (platonic – we’re not casting aspersions on her sexuality as yet – does four gay parents increase the likelihood of her being a lesbian? Let’s hope so! Heheh…) who at 10 weeks old has hit 8kg / 17lb and exceeded 99.6 percentile. Good work my man, they’ll be re-drawing the scales with all the large baby boys coming into this world of late. And well done my cute as a button little 25th percentile sweetheart.
Article: Two excited mums 28th October 2015

Pride Angel Journey - Milkies

It started when she was eighteen hours old. And ended when she was thirty hours old: a twelve-hour milky marathon. When I say it was just the start of things to come, I don’t mean it was often as extreme as that, but rather, Luna was always very keen for her milk – breastmilk that is – she never took to a bottle, even of expressed. In those early days when she woke or fussed and fretted, it was all about working out what she wanted…and we worked out gradually that all she really wanted was ‘milky’. So, feeling lucky with our smooth start to breastfeeding and a baby who wanted little else, I settled down with a book while she fed for hours and hours and hours…
Luna is two now – almost 26 months. She’s fast asleep next to me as I type; half an hour ago, I fed her to sleep. In place of the breasts I once had, I have ‘milkies’: the left one is (apparently) green and the right one purple. And these are some of the most common phrases I hear: “Milkies, want milkies.” “Two out. Get two out.” “Change sides. Want other side. Best turn around.”
It seems unthinkable that she will ever want to stop breastfeeding, which is a perturbing thought – but also, of course, not true; friends with older children assure me that it will just gradually not be her favourite thing any more, and then just not be her thing at all, by which point of course she might be around three or four years old.
So what is the huge advantage lesbian parents have over heterosexual parents? An extra pair of breasts and thus, potentially, a second lactating parent. Of course lactation isn’t essential for parenthood at all…but it is a very handy tool if you happen to have it.
It didn’t go down well with the nurse at my local GP practice last week when, asked how old the baby I as breastfeeding was, I answered, “well there’s my two-year-old and also my twelve-month-old – the biological child of my partner.” I’m not sure whether she disapproved of the LGBT family, the extended breastfeeding, or the combination. I don’t really care. I’m just glad that when one of our babies is a bit sleepy, or sad…or thirsty…or just wants mummy cuddles, there’s always plenty of milky to go around.
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 3rd July 2015
Read more Lesbian parenting blogs at www.prideangel.com

Co-parenting journey - Planning for the unplannable

Pinning down our co-parenting arrangement is proving tricky for me conceptually. Not least because we wrote our statements of intent before we’d even conceived. Five months into the pregnancy, after a few pre-Christmas sick days in which to dip into some co-parenting case law, it’s time to review what we thought we thought back then… it’s all about expectations, don’t you know! All of us have been model co-parents so far - agreeable, co-operative and easy-going – and maybe that’s part of the determination we mummies feel to meet aspirations on all sides. But what happens when the baby comes? We had decided against a formal legal document - the cost of a bespoke solution seemed out of our means and we questioned the usefulness of a (cheaper) template. It may have been legally binding, but perhaps just not meaningful to us without a lot of work – and maybe more money - to tailor it. Feeling that our co-parenting circumstances were highly personal and very unique to us, we opted to agree a parenting statement between us instead. P and G wrote theirs, we agreed their points and made our written response which they then agreed (as mentioned in previous blog). Luckily it revealed shared parenting values and a plenty of consideration that the arrangement would need to ‘evolve’ – really the best we could all have expected, on paper at least. So the next question is ‘how is the first nine months going to work?’ Our baby will need its mummies, the dads will want to see and be with him/her as soon as possible after birth, and we’ll all inevitably fall head over heels in love with our little baby. Just maybe, we’ll no longer feel so relaxed about the evolution of our arrangement. Hmmn, so many questions. And so many possible complications on the winding road ahead. But as each scan brings us closer to our baby – a clue as to just how much we’re going to love it when it finally arrives – I realise that is just the first big test for us all. The first of many many more to come. Getting to the next stage is going to require more talking, thinking and planning (over a dinner of course). Sometimes that might involve saying no, compromise will feature strongly but certainly in the meantime, as we prepare for the birth, it will require the purchase of a sofabed. Perhaps it’s just intangible without baby on the scene… or the pregnancy hormones talking, but now we’ve had a chat about it, trust in our arrangement is the order of the day. And in my lucid moments at least the doubts are giving over to a feeling of optimism - that this thing is really going to work.

Pride Angel at the Alternative Parenting Show 2014

The Alternative Parenting Show had another successful exhibition at the weekend. It provided a one-stop shop, which gave valuable information to same-sex and heterosexual couples and single men and women on how to make the dream of having a family a reality. In today's society families are made up of all different combinations, however this brings the need for fresh information. The show included advice from leading experts in their field on how to navigate through the minefield of having a child. Top areas included legal provisions, surrogacy, fertility, co-parenting, fostering and adoption. The one day event provided people with the opportunity to chat in an informal atmosphere to the experts who could give the answers needed. Pride Angel were delighted to have exhibited and enjoyed being able to answer the many questions asked about starting a family with the help of a known sperm or egg donor. The show was run by event and publishing specialist Square Peg Media.

Pride Angel at Manchester Pride Expo

Manchester Pride Expo Saturday 23rd - Monday 25th August. The Expo is one of the community's favourite places to be during the Big Weekend! Find out about joining a sports group, getting advice about health and wellbeing or enter some competitions with our partners. There are over 40 stalls representing LGBT organisations and supporters right in the heart of the site. Visit Pride Angel at the Expo Thinking about becoming a parent? Looking for a donor or co-parent? Or want to help others by donating sperm or eggs? Come along and talk to Pride Angel, at the Manchester Expo, where they will be happy to talk through your options. Pride Angel is a leading connection website and fertility portal, bringing together donors and recipients throughout UK and worldwide. Members can register for free, create their own personal profile and contact users through our internal messaging system. We have over 35,000 members registered , to include lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and heterosexual. Members are able to search donors, co-parents or recipients by criteria such as hair colour, eye colour, sexuality, the amount of contact if any they wish to have with a child, and whether they wish to be a legal parent or not legally responsible. Fortunately the law has improved within recent years to make legal parenthood much clearer, meaning that a donor can donate to a married or lesbian couple without the worry of being legally or financially responsible. So why not give the gift of life and make someone’s dream of a family become a reality. Creating families with Pride.

US gay marriage and adoption trial tries to overturn ban

Detroit — Testimony continued Wednesday in the federal trial on a lawsuit seeking to overturn Michigan’s bans on adoption for same-sex couples and gay marriage. This week, attorneys for the state of Michigan, defending the state’s bans on same-sex adoption and marriage presented testimony from their experts who so far have maintained that children raised by heterosexual parents experienced better outcomes. The lawsuit was brought by plaintiffs April DeBoer and Jayne Rowse, two nurses from Hazel Park who hope to adopt each other’s adoptive children and legally marry. Testifying Wednesday, Louisiana State University family studies professor Loren Marks, criticized a 2005 American Psychological Association study that found there was no difference in the outcomes of children raised by heterosexual or gay and lesbian parents. That study has been cited by witnesses for the plaintiffs in the lawsuit brought by DeBoer and Rowse. Marks denounced the APA’s stance on same-sex families, saying the research it based the policy on was not complete and in some instances flawed. Marks said he analyzed the 59 cases the APA studied before taking its position. “I was struck by the strength of the language used in the claims,” said Marks, who published his analysis in the Social Science Research journal two years ago. “Not a single study seemed strong to me. I found the language strong and lacking caveat.” Marks said the studies lacked racial diversity and did not include enough gay men. He said the sample size was too small. Experts for the plaintiffs, such as Stanford University Michael Rosenfeld, have testified that children raised in same-sex couple households do just as well as children raised in other households. Testimony is expected to wrap up Thursday and closing arguments are expected to be done Friday. Article: 5th March 2014 www.detroitnews.com

Gay and lesbian married couples in legal limbo in Utah USA

A federal judge’s decision to overturn Utah’s same-sex marriage ban allowed Matthew Barraza and Tony Milner to do more than just get married. It opened the door for Milner to become legally recognized as the parent of their 4-year-old son. The couple moved quickly to get adoption paperwork started so that Jesse, their blue-eyed, cowboy-boot-wearing little boy, could have both of his parents recognized, not just Barraza. But those plans were frozen after the U.S. Supreme Court brought gay marriages to a halt and Utah Gov. Gary Herbert instructed state agencies to stop granting gay and lesbian couples new benefits. Now, Barraza and Milner are among hundreds of newly married gay and lesbian couples in Utah stuck in legal limbo. The couple is one of four in a new lawsuit filed Tuesday by the American Civil Liberties Union suing Utah over its decision not to recognize the gay marriages, which the ACLU claims has created wrenching uncertainty. The state’s decision prevents the couples from getting key protections for themselves and their children, the lawsuit says. “Heaven forbid, if something should happen to one us, Jesse would have the security of having the other parent take care of him,” said Milner, 34. “Now, because of the state’s refusal to recognize our marriage, this peace of mind is once again out of reach.” The other couples in the lawsuit cited a range of concerns that include emergency medical decision-making and health insurance. Marty Carpenter, the Utah governor’s spokesman, responded by saying that Herbert “has said throughout this process that his responsibility is to follow the law. That is exactly what the administration is doing, and we respect the rights of those who disagree to take their grievances before a judge.” More than 1,000 gay and lesbian couples rushed to marry after a federal judge in Utah overturned the state’s same-sex marriage ban on Dec. 20. U.S. District Judge Robert Shelby ruled that the ban violates gay and lesbian couples’ constitutional rights. Those weddings came to a halt on Jan. 6 when the U.S. Supreme Court granted Utah an emergency stay, something two lower courts denied. After the Supreme Court issued the stay, Herbert told state agencies to hold off on moving forward with any new benefits for the couples until the courts resolve the issue. Agencies were told not to revoke anything already issued, such as a driver’s license with a new name, but they are prohibited from approving any new marriages or benefits. More recently, the state tax commission announced that newly married gay and lesbian couples can jointly file their taxes for 2013. The state made clear it was not ordering agencies to void the marriages, saying instead that validity of the marriages will ultimately be decided by the Denver-based 10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, which is weighing an appeal from the state. John Mejia, legal director for the ACLU in Utah, disagreed with that assessment, saying the marriages performed during the 17-day window when gay marriage was legal are valid no matter what the court rules. He said the couples have vested rights in their new unions and should be able to move forward with efforts to make partners legal guardians of children or add their spouses to their health insurance or pension plans. It could take more than a year for the courts to rule on Utah’s same-sex marriage ban, especially if it moves to the U.S. Supreme Court, Mejia said. “They’ve put a giant question mark over the lives of all these people that have married,” Mejia said. “We’re seeking a declaration that these valid marriages must be recognized.” Utah has 20 days to file a court response to the suit, said Salt Lake City attorney Erik Strindberg, who is working with the ACLU on the lawsuit. The state could ask a Utah judge to put the case on hold until the federal appeals court rules, Strindberg said. But the ACLU would fight such a request, he said. The ACLU believes the federal government has taken the correct stance on the new marriages. U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder came out days after Herbert’s decree and said the federal government will honor the gay marriages and grant benefits. That means that same-sex couples who were married in Utah can file federal taxes jointly, get Social Security benefits for spouses and request legal immigration status for partners, among other benefits. There are currently 17 states that allow gay marriage, with Utah and Oklahoma in limbo pending decisions by appeals courts. Article: 22nd January 2013 www.washingtonpost.com

Best friends became brothers in our new gay family

Some of those fighting marriage equality these days, want you to believe that there is only a single possible right way to create a “real” family. The way they suggest is by means of unprotected, unplanned, procreative sex. Or, as Nan Hunter observes, “accidental procreation” which then warrants 1500 protections and benefits by means of a “bribe (for) heterosexuals “ to get married. Only the biologically created family deserves marriage, they argue, and all the rewards to stay together. The notion is insulting and absurd, not only for same sex coupled families, but for opposite sex families as well. Real families come together in a variety of ways, the best of which is when all the members love each other and deeply desire a lifetime bond. That is what happened in my family. My partner and I had pursued various options to expanding our family beyond the two of us. We explored surrogacy, and we explored private adoption. All potential routes to family have pitfalls. As we were going through our evaluation process, I remember discussing the options with a total stranger at an airport. She saw me pouring through literature and shared stories of her numerous miscarriage heartbreaks on her way to having a family. “Whichever way you choose, just know it can be hard, but it will be OK and worth it,” she stated as we said goodbye. My partner and I ultimately chose fostercare/adoption. Having come from recovery experiences ourselves, it was a great fit. We understood the situations of the birthparents without judgment, and we understood the real need of the children as well as the obstacles they might face. We committed, trained and waited for the call for a placement. We got numerous calls for toddlers on temporary care. Those were great experiences. Then, we got a call about a newborn baby, born six weeks prematurely to a heroin addicted mother. He weighted 4 lbs, and had heroin exposure himself. He was to be ours for the foreseeable future. I carried him on a sling on my chest for the next few months. We had to make sure he got a sufficient amount of nourishment in each feeding to avoid brain damage as we went through the process of supporting his birth parents through possible reunification. When those efforts failed, we went on to full adoption. We named the baby, now ours, Jason. As Jason passed his one year birthday, we opened up our home for the potential of adding a sibling. We got a placement. She was a beautiful baby girl, and she looked just like Jason did when he was a newborn. We had warm feelings to keep her, but were equally enthused that her birth mother was responding well to the recovery program. We supported that momentum and looked forward to a safe mother and daughter reunion. Meanwhile, good friends of ours, another foster family, had a 10 month old little boy placed with them. He had been discovered abandoned in a trailer. My partner often did play dates with them, and the little boy in their care and our son Jason became very close and attached. They seemed to speak a common language, playing well together. My partner called me at work one day, “You have to come see this little boy and how he and Jason are. I told the other family that if anything was a problem with their placement, to let us know and we would love to take him.” I was alright with this, but a little guarded as our plan had been to have a boy and a girl—not two boys. Plans change and life takes over. When I got home that evening, the play date was still going on. I will never forget the moment that I first saw Jesse. He was crawling around the corner headed toward the dishwasher as I was headed the other way… and we locked eyes. It was one of the most profound moments of my life. Here I was with direct eye contact with this toddler and the look between us said it all… “Hi Dad, I am your son. Hi Jesse, I am going to be your Dad.” A week later, it happened. The fostermom called and asked if we were serious about our offer. It turns out that her family had to move into very tight quarters temporarily and she was much better equipped to care for the baby we were nursing, than Jesse, the rough and tumble toddler . So, we called the authorities, and made the switch. Jason and Jesse, new best friends, were now on the way to potentially becoming brothers. I was worried however, being the working Dad, that I might not get to bond with Jesse as I had with Jason. I did not get to carry him on me for months, and saw him in the mornings before I left for work, and in time for a kiss goodnight when I returned. He was exposed to my partner, other fostercare providers and others more than he was seeing me. I wish I could say that road to brotherhood was trouble free. It was not. Jesse was still on a unification plan with a birth parent, and it looked like things in that regard might be successful, until one horrible weekend. Jesse came back from an overnight visit battered and bruised. We called the social worker immediately and the reunification attempts were closed. I slept by his crib for the next two weeks, and although he was normally a through-the –night sleeper, he awoke nightly screaming and crying. Controlling my own anger and pain, I grabbed him and held him, as nightly the reaction grew less and less until he was again able to sleep through the night. I don’t know if being there for him in that way was the factor, but our bonding was not an issue. As he has grown, we are lock step and almost able to read each other’s minds. As I look at my sons, I am filled with the awareness of a love for each that I could never fathom in my wildest imagination previously. The love I have for each is unique, each powerful in its own right, but its own “color” if you will. Jason is the son of my heart, Jesse is the son of my soul. Today they act as twins. Since he is physically bigger, they have decided that Jesse is the “big brother”. Since he was born four months earlier, Jason has been dubbed, by mutual consent, as the “older brother”. We do not have a “little brother” in the family. That is how two little best friends became brothers. It is how my gay family came together. We have a unique story, but we are not unique. All same-gendered parent families have a story. While my friend at the airport was right, “all ways can be hard”, all ways can also be miraculous, loving and intensely wonderful. How our families come together is being judged today, and in the next few months. It will be judged by the US Supreme Court. Our families are likely to be judged long after that as well, no matter what the results. And, no matter what the judgments on our value, I will always know the truth. I know how thoroughly REAL we are. I live it and I have seen it. I saw it as I looked into a little boy’s eyes for the first time in front of a dishwasher. Article: 15th January 2014 www.goodmenproject.com

Charlie Condou talks about leaving Coronation street and being a gay dad

The 40-year-old is best known for playing sonographer Marcus Dent, who has had a turbulent relationship with Coronation Street’s other main gay character, Sean Tully, played by Antony Cotton. After a three year absence, Charlie’s character was made more prominent following his return to Coronation Street in March 2011. Although he is leaving the show for a second time, Charlie says he initially only planned to return on a three-month contract. The current decision to place his character in a heterosexual relationship with Maria Connor has been the subject of much controversy. Speaking to PinkNews.co.uk from a sedate coffee shop close to his home in Islington, north London, with his two-year-old son, Hal, quietly napping in a pram, Charlie is keen to defend the storyline and says: “When they came to me with that storyline, the producer who was gay said ‘we’ve had this idea. We want to look at what happens when a gay man who is completely comfortable with his sexuality, knows who he is, falls in love with a woman, and he will continue to identify as gay; he will be a gay man, he will be very clear about that, but he’s fallen in love with a woman’.” Charlie goes on to say: “And I know that the producer was good friends with Russell T Davis, and they had a friend who was a gay man who had done that and they had made the series Bob and Rose, based on the guy. I am aware that it does happen and I was interested. I have said this before, but if Coronation Street had come to me with that storyline ten years ago, I don’t think I would have been comfortable doing it because I don’t think it would have been giving the right message if you like, if that’s our job in soaps. “But I really do think we have moved on from that and I don’t think people are stupid anymore and I don’t think that they would see Marcus falling for Maria and think ‘he just needed the love of a good woman’, that’s not what we were saying in the storyline at all. We just wanted to explore it. In terms from a dramatic point of view it’s certainly not been done before. Marcus has also said that he doesn’t even consider himself bisexual, if he wasn’t with Maria he would be with a man, he’s very clear about that, and of course it’s soap, it’s never going to end well.” According to Radio Times, show executives have promised that Marcus’s involvement with Todd Grimshaw will “divide the residents of Coronation Street”. With a large hint that Marcus’s relationship with Maria is heading for the cliff, Charlie tells PinkNews.co.uk: “Of course at some point he was going to end up with a man again of course he was. So I was interested in looking at what happens and how to play that out. I’ve been quite behind the storyline, I know a lot of the gay community doesn’t feel the same way because Marcus was considered a positive role model, I totally get that, but I don’t know, sometimes I think people’s sexuality can be complicated and the storyline is may be just a sense of that.” When asked by PinkNews.co.uk if he would have considered staying in Coronation Street if his character had been given greater prominence, Charlie replies: “Possibly yeah, I mean you never know. It’s definitely true to say I’ve had a quiet year there and perhaps if I hadn’t, if I had been really busy I would have felt differently, but that’s the way it goes in soaps. Characters go through ups and downs, sometimes they focus on one set of characters for a period of time and then they move off and focus on others. It’s like that for everyone there but for me I was just getting a bit frustrated and it wasn’t worth being away from the kids just to be ordering a pint in The Rovers every now and again.” Once he leaves Coronation Street this summer, Charlie says being able to spend more time with his family in London is one of the things he is most looking forward too. The regular periods away in Manchester have been particularly hard on his 4-year-old daughter, Georgia. His children mean the world to him, and from a young age, the actor reveals he always wanted to be a father. “Definitely. I had always wanted to be a dad since I was probably about 13. I suppose it is quite rare for gay people in the public eye, although it’s becoming more commonplace with people like Elton John and David Furnish obviously, Ricky Martin, Neil Patrick Harris, people like that are doing it now,” Charlie jokes to PinkNews.co.uk, “I like to think they all copied me.” The actor previously wrote a column for The Guardian about his experiences of being a gay parent with the aim of raising awareness. “I think that was part of the reason I decided to be quite vocal about it,” he says. “The reason I asked The Guardian for the column was because when I was growing up there weren’t any gay people that I knew that had kids and it was something that I struggled with. Read more ...

Alternative Parenting Show today was another success

Today’s Alternative Parenting show was another resounding success. The show included many leading experts giving advice on how to navigate through the minefield of starting a family, whether in a same-sex relationship, single or needing a donor to conceive. Topics included legal provisions, surrogacy, fertility, co-parenting along with fostering and adoption. The one day event gave people the chance to ask questions about the different options available. Many people spoke to fertility clinics about their treatment options. Other options included finding a donor through a connection websites such as Pride Angel, the leading worldwide connection service for finding a known donor or co-parent. Erika co-founder of Pride Angel said ‘We spoke with many people today at the Alternative Parenting show, who were excited to hear about the possibility of being able to find and meet their own sperm or egg donor. With many people wishing to have the option of staying in touch with the donor and even for the child to have some level of contact, maybe like an ‘uncle type figure in their lives’. To read more about known sperm donation, egg donation or co-parenting visit www.prideangel.com

http://blogs.prideangel.com/post/2013/08/Manchester-Pride---New-Arena-area-launches-24th---26th-August-2013.aspx

Come and join Manchester Pride's Big Weekend - one of the biggest parties in the UK. From Friday 23 to Monday 26 August, tens of thousands of people descend upon Manchester's world-renowned Gay Village to celebrate the climax of the Manchester Pride’s festival. By day, our stages are packed full of world-class entertainment as well as our diverse collection of market & Lifestyle Expo stalls. By night, join us in the newly launched Indoor Arena for some hot DJ sets or visit some of Manchester's exciting gay bars and clubs as.s they take you through to the early hours of the morning with events that will make you wish the Big Weekend never came to an end. MAIN ARENA This year will again see some big names and fantastic entertainment that will be announced during the Summer. The Feeling will be opening the stage on Friday 23 August, supported by Velvet Stream. Rylan and Lucy Spraggan will be taking over on Monday 26 August for our revamped reality special. SACKVILLE GARDENS A visit to the Sackville Gardens stage is a great chance to socialise with people who share a common interest while being surrounded by local bands, local groups and local entertainment. It’s your community, and this is your stage. On Saturday evening, the stage plays host to the very popular Women's Stage. INDOOR ARENA New for 2013, we launch the Indoor Arena. During the day, the venue will house Lifestyle Expo, an exhibition space designed for you to access resources and information about community groups, your health, sports clubs, legal advice, travel and much more. By night the space is transformed into a high-energy dance arena. VILLAGE MARKETS Looking to pick up a souvenir to remind you of your Manchester Pride visit? There's over 40 traders on site at the Village Markets selling everything from the latest fashions to rainbow flags. You're sure to find something there to take home with you. Article: 23rd August 2013 www.manchesterpride.com Come and speak to Pride Angel about your parenting options, in the new indoor arena.

Sperm donor's experience of donating to lesbian friends

The first time I saw my baby daughter, my initial reaction was surprise. It was as if someone had taken a knitted version of me and shrunk it in the dryer. Despite the family resemblance, I didn't feel a paternal connection; instead, I was happy I had been able to help my close friends start a family. On the day my friends, a lesbian couple, asked if I would donate sperm, I was delighted. I didn't think about the reality of what that would entail; I just impulsively said yes. In fact, I was grateful to be asked. Incredibly, my friend became pregnant on that first attempt. I was overjoyed. As a gay man, I had been programmed to believe that this wasn't part of my narrative. Now, though, this pregnancy was exploding the myth that I could never be a father, and it was wonderful. But five months later, my friend miscarried and I felt responsible, as if it was my fault. We sat down and had a lovely talk where they reassured me and we decided to wait before trying again. It took me three or four months to allow myself to say I had lost a baby. As the donor, I didn't know if I had permission to grieve: they had been watching their baby grow, while I was peripheral. It was a growing-up moment: life had been all fun and games up till then, and now I realised there were consequences to my actions. A few months later, we all felt ready to try again. It took longer for my friend to become pregnant this time, and I worried that it wouldn't happen; that I'd lost my powers. We settled into a monthly routine and I became less embarrassed about the process. I'd go round to my friends' house, we'd have some tea and a chat, which we called our pillow talk, and then they'd go for a walk and leave me to it. But I did grow tired of having to dash round as soon as I received a text saying my friend was fertile, so after a while she'd come to my home instead to pick up the donation, wrapped in a brown paper bag. It felt like a drug deal. To keep the sperm at the right temperature, she'd store it in her bra for the journey home. I used to try to hide what I was doing from my partner, Matt: the text would arrive and I'd slope off to the bathroom, saying I was just brushing my teeth. He'd always guess, though. I'd met Matt just when we began the process, and meeting someone when you're starting a family with someone else is complicated. It took a while before we could talk about what was going on. Finally, my friend conceived and the pregnancy progressed well. Just before the birth, my friends held a baby shower, which I found unexpectedly painful. Despite the efforts of the mums to include me, and despite being thanked by the grandparents, I found myself sobbing on the floor afterwards. I was still an outsider; it wasn't about me. I was physically having a baby, but I wasn't part of it. On the day of the birth, last October, I was like a father from the 1950s, but instead of pacing the corridor, I was walking on the treadmill at the gym. After the baby was born, I couldn't tell people without welling up. I never thought I would be announcing to everyone, "I have a child." It was also time to tell my parents, because they hadn't known they were going to be grandparents. They had written off having grandchildren, so they were over the moon. I think they also felt relieved. As parents of a gay child, they had worried I would struggle, but now that I am a father, I must be OK. We also have a new topic of conversation, one I never thought I'd be party to. It has been a rollercoaster two years, but writing a comedy show about it has been good therapy. I'd be willing to do it again if my friends wanted another child. The baby is now 10 months old, and although I see her regularly, I'm certainly not "Dad". I'm Shawn. But we will always be open about my connection to her. I don't want a "Darth Vader moment" when she's older. It's important for her to know that she was born in a special way, and that her arrival helped to change ideas of what a family can be. Article: 19th August 2013 www.guardian.co.uk

Yotam Ottolenghi on becoming a gay dad through surrogacy

Hoorah for NGA client Yotam Ottolenghi and his wonderfully heartfelt piece in Saturday’s Guardian: 'Why I’m coming out as a gay father'. In a brave and personal editorial, the renowned TV chef and restarauter has spoken out about his long journey to fatherhood as a gay man, and how becoming a father has enabled him to reconcile himself to a new openness about his sexuality. He says: “At the end of a five-year process, I know we can’t be shy about telling our story, that privacy just isn’t an option. That’s because we could only have had Max, and hopefully also a future sibling, thanks to other people who have shared their stories. Max has already brought us immense joy. He has also forced our second coming out, this time as gay parents.” We salute his bravery in coming out to the world about such incredibly personal issues. We have been privileged to share his journey (as his legal advisors), which has taken him through the option of co-parenting to international surrogacy and the birth of his son Max earlier this year. We know it takes brave men like Yotam willing to talk about their experience to inspire others that it can be done, and to enable them to feel comfortable about their choices. The good news, from a legal perspective, is that the options for gay men to become fathers have never been better than they are now. Since 2010, gay men who conceive with a surrogate mother have been able to apply to the family court for a parental order. This ultimately gives them a UK birth certificate naming them both as parents. It is a legal solution for gay dads who conceive through surrogacy in the UK and abroad, and it fully resolves all the UK legal issues. Surrogacy in the UK is often more achievable than people realise, but many gay dads, like Yotam, are also going to the US where a more professional and managed surrogacy service is available. There has developed a significant track record over the past five years of the UK High Court authorising such arrangements (even though they involve commercial surrogacy arrangements), case law which we have been proud to have helped shape. Since 2005, gay men have been able to adopt as couples, with just the same rights as heterosexual couples. They have full and equal parental status and an adoption certificate to confirm it. And there is the option of co-parenting. Here the law is more complex, and in particular gay couples who donate sperm to lesbian couples may have no legal status as parents if the birth mother is in a civil partnership. But these arrangements work too, and there are legal solutions available. The climate has never been better for gay dads to start a family than it is now, and we hope that other gay men will draw courage from Yotam’s story.

Lesbian and gay parenting books should be featured in schools

Mark McGlashan, from Lancaster University, said pupils as young as five should be introduced to texts that "challenge homophobic bullying and encourage inclusivity in schools". There is evidence that giving young children access to picture books that show gay and lesbian characters in a good light can have “positive benefits” and promote equality, it is claimed. His comments come before a conference in Westminster next week aimed at understanding how homophobia and homophobic bullying can be challenged through the use of resources in primary schools. Earlier this year, the National Union of Teachers urged staff to use “anti-sexist” materials designed to challenge common gender stereotypes. The union has designed lessons using such books that are being used in schools Norfolk, Portsmouth, London and Nottingham. It recommends books such as Bill's New Frock, The Boy With Pink Hair, William's Doll, The Different Dragon, Girls Are Best and Dogs Don't Do Ballet. Last week, Michael Gove, the Education Secretary, also called for fresh action to stamp out the use of the word “gay” as an insult in schools. Mr McGlashan, who has done extensive analyses of representations of same-sex parents in picture books, said next week’s conference would “look at children's literature as a means to challenge homophobic bullying and encourage inclusivity in schools”. “Part of that aim could include increasing the availability of LGBT literature to educators,” he said. "There is evidence that promoting cultural inclusivity in early years education has positive benefits with regard to challenging homophobia and this will also be discussed at the conference. "Research has shown that resources such as picturebooks can be positively implemented in primary schools to tackle homophobia at its roots. "Ofsted now specifically looks at homophobic bullying as an issue in schools and it really is a significant problem. “The idea is that LGBT-inclusive literature could help schools address an issue that really is negatively impacting the lives of young people but the resources aren't there - there just isn't enough good literature available.” The event, which will be attended by academic experts, publishers and politicians, including Stephen Twigg, Labour's shadow education secretary, aims to generate debate on how literature featuring same-sex parents can be used to break down prejudices and challenge stereotypes prevalent in schools. The conference – funded by Lancaster’s Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences (FASS) Enterprise Centre – will be held on July 16 at Westminster Hall. The event has also been created in association with Lancaster's Centre for Corpus Approaches to Social Science (CASS), funded by the Economic and Social Research Council (ESRC). Mr McGlashan said: "The consultation should result in the production of a number of recommendations to make better quality resources available to educators. "Bringing together people to discuss the need to grow the LGBT-inclusive children's literature market, we hope will address some of the shortfalls that exist and produce a number of recommendations for the use of these books in schools as well as discuss their status in retail." He added: "Homophobic bullying in schools is a significant and prevalent issue. A Stonewall report in 2012 revealed 55 per cent of LGB children in British schools experience bullying. "Children's literature is a key educational source in creating an inclusive culture. LGBT-inclusive books are yet to become a staple of school libraries. "But, why not integrate or produce LGBT-inclusive resources that help our schools prevent homophobic bullying? There is work in the area but not enough and this is what this conference is hoping to address. "There is a growing recognition of the need, want and support for resources aimed at young people to promote inclusive, anti-homophobic practices but there is still little being done to address the lack of resources." Article: 11th July 2013 www.telegraph.co.uk

Lesbian couple want their son to have 'married mummies'

Among the supporters of same-sex marriage outside the Palace of Westminster last week, PinkNews reported spotting a lesbian couple with their son who are desperate to marry. Stella and her partner Lucy attended the vigil with their son Bailey. Stella told PinkNews.co.uk: “We have booked to get married next August. We just want our son Bailey to have same equivilent as all his friends, married parents. He knows the difference between marriage and civil partnership, that they are simply not equal. He just wants married mummies!” Stella added: “We’re desperate for the law to pass in time for our wedding.” She praised the Out4Marriage campaign, initiated by PinkNews for its work on same-sex marriage equality. Last night, the former Chief Constable of West Midlands Police, Lord Dear, had tabled a “fatal” amendment to deny the bill its second reading. In voting against the amendment, with 390 votes to 148, a majority of 242, the House of Lords allowed the passage of the bill to committee stage. Article: 5th June 2013 www.pinknews.co.uk Read more about gay and lesbian parenting at www.prideangel.com

Are you soon to be a new gay or lesbian parent?

I’m Adam and currently working on the second series of the prime time show Don’t Just Stand There….I’m Having Your baby which airs on BBC3 at 9pm. Last series, first time Dads-to-be were shown how to be more supportive during their partner’s pregnancy and during the birth itself. In one to one sessions with a fully trained midwife, the Dads were taught about many aspects of pregnancy and labour including cervical dilation, pain relief, massage, breathing techniques and birthing positions. They were also given practical home work like wearing an empathy belly, looking after a robotic baby and watching a birthing video. We wanted to help him become the perfect birthing partner for Mum and make the whole experience more positive than petrifying! Last year we worked closely with the Royal College of Midwives in the making of this series and they were very pleased with the result. The first series was very successful and the Dads we filmed found the experience both positive and rewarding as they became more equipped to deal with the arrival of their little ones. This series we would love to meet and speak with gay and lesbian couples who are currently on the journey into parenthood. I would really like to hear your story and find out, as a first time parent, what this means to you and also how we could help. If you have any questions and fancy a chat about the series please feel free to call me on 0208 008 4901 or email me on adam.lonergan@bbc.co.uk. Thanks for your time and hopefully speak soon. Adam. Article: 21st May 2013 www.prideangel.com

Children of gay families can help win the fight for gay marriage

Braiden Neubecker was sitting on the bed and her dad was shaving at the sink as the president made his historic remarks about gay marriage during his second inaugural address. President Barack Obama talked about "our gay brothers and sisters," and declared "if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well." In the kitchen after the address with her dads, David and Lee Neubecker, Braiden, who is 10, had a question. "Aren't you guys married?" she asked, confused. Her dads, in fact, were married -- in a service in California, but the marriage was nullified in 2004 after the state's Supreme Court declared all marriages performed from February to March that year invalid. "I don't think she realized before that gays and lesbians couldn't marry," David Neubecker recalled in a recent phone interview with his daughter and The Huffington Post. "I got upset," she agreed, singing into the phone, "everybody should be treated equally." Plus, she continued to her father, "it's safer to be married because when you guys aren't married it's easier to break up and split apart." Braiden is now one of a number of children, many of them raised by gay or lesbian parents, who have stepped into the spotlight to directly address the courts and public as part of a debate in which they have long been central figures, but have rarely taken part. A week after Obama's address the Neubeckers started talking again about the speech and the laws that prevented Braiden's dads, who live in a suburb of Chicago, from getting married. Braiden had so much to say that David encouraged her to get out her journal and write it down. A couple of drafts later, a letter written by Braiden was included in an amicus brief to the U.S. Supreme Court in time for the court's two landmark cases on gay marriage in March. The amicus brief was from Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), meant to show how the families of same-sex parents are affected when they are not allowed to marry. For decades, those opposed to legalizing same-sex marriage have argued that they might somehow harm the children same-sex couples raise or adopt. In court in March, Justice Antonin Scalia, arguably the court member most staunchly opposed to gay rights, offered "one concrete thing" about legalizing same-sex marriage that could harm society. "If you redefine marriage to include same-sex couples … you must permit adoption by same-sex couples," he said in the hearing to determine whether Proposition 8, California's law banning same-sex marriage, was constitutional. "And there's considerable disagreement among … sociologists as to what the consequences of raising a child in a … single-sex family, whether that is harmful to the child or not." But Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg pointed out that California gay couples already can legally adopt children. Sociologists, child welfare experts and pediatricians have argued that those raised by same-sex couples do just as well as their counterparts raised in heterosexual households. "Its very surprising in many ways how uniform he results of the research have been," said Charlotte J. Patterson, a psychology professor at the University of Virginia, who has been researching child development in same-sex households for more than 20 years. "What we've found is that what's important is not the sexual orientation of the parents but rather the resources the parents can offer the kids and the quality of relationships with their children, and of course that's true for gay and straight parents." Read more... Article: 13th April 2013 www.huffingtonpost.com

Gay couple from Israel start YouTube plea to help create family

A gay couple in Israel have started a campaign, asking for help to start a family after spending their entire savings on several failed surrogacy and adoption attempts, as Israel forbids surrogacy for gay couples. The gay mobile app Grindr has pledged a weeks worth of revenue towards the couple’s campaign, through its charitable arm Grindr for Equality. The couple are now seeking to find a surrogate in the US. As well as donating revenue to Grindr for Equality, the app will also feature an advert which will encourages others to donate money towards the efforts of couple Yuval and Liran. The couple posted the YouTube video asking for help after several failed attempts at surrogacy abroad, and after being declined for adoption through several channels. In the video they say they feel “castrated” by the law in Israel which does not allow surrogacy for gay couples, and tell their story about spending their entire savings, over $120,000 (£78,000) on the attempts. Their campaign asks supporters to post photographs of themselves with the message: “We want them to have a baby too”. Joan Rivers is among those who have already shown support for the campaign. Grindr will donate a week’s worth of revenue made from the sale of its paid version Grindr Xtra, towards the campaign. Joel Simkhai, CEO and founder of Grindr said: “I read about Yuval and Liran’s emotional personal story and was impressed by their creativity in pursuing their dream of fatherhood, and their persistence, recruiting international celebrities such as Joan Rivers, to help raise awareness that in so many parts of the world the joy of parenthood and other aspects of family are still not available to gays who are not equals in the eye of the law. Yuval and Liran are now pursuing surrogacy in America, aided by the LGBT Jewish organisation A Wider Bridge Article: 10th April 2013 www.pinknews.co.uk Read more about gay parenting at www.prideangel.com

Bobby talks about wanting to become a dad at Building Families Show

TOWIE Celebrity, Bobby Cole Norris who is openly gay, staring in Reality show ‘The only way is Essex’, spoke about his desire to become a dad at yesterday’s Building Families Show, The Hilton, London. Bobby has confessed: "I've been doing a little bit of thinking and pondering and realised that I want to start a family. "I've always wanted to be a dad and I've realised now that it is an option and there is a way around it." Bobby adds: "I'm never going to find a wife, but I can find a surrogate, so I'm just looking for the right egg donor at the moment. "I'm gonna take the right person with me and go and have a good chat at the clinic." Chantelle Houghton from TOWIE recently bit back at Bobby’s comment that he wanted a ‘gaybe’ as he calls it, saying "I'm not against gay men being fathers, but it sounds to me that he wants a new accessory rather than a baby that needs love and attention 24/7." Bobby didn't take too kindly to those comments, and took to Twitter to hit back at mum-of-one Chantelle. He tweeted: "Hugely disappointed with @chantellehought comments in @new_magazine this week #judgemental." Bobby also wrote: "I do not "want a new accessory", there is a major difference between wanting to be a parent and wanting a new bag #ridiculous." The Building Families Show brought together the world’s leading IVF & Surrogacy specialists, including the leading parenting connection website Pride Angel which has over 21,000 members including egg donors, sperm donor and co-parents from around the world. Erika co-founder of Pride Angel, and daughter Emily who is a huge fan of Bobby was delighted to be photographed with the TOWIE star. Article: 7th April 2013 Pride Angel