Pride Angel Journey - Extremes

I’ve always been one for extremes: things are black and white, no shades of grey for me. But childhood or parenthood or the place where the two meet is something else.
If you’re looking for opposites, polarisation, antithesis, oxymoron, juxtaposition, then get a small child, or ideally two. You will instantly have enough love, joy and hilarity to last a small village fifty years. Meanwhile any supply you previously had of energy, patience and sanity will immediately vanish without trace.
When they sleep there is the peace of a deserted mountain range, still and reliable and changeless. Until, seconds later they wake with all the noise and chaos of a street market, making imaginative demands like a petulant fairytale king. And then they sleep. And then they wake…
There will be a bountiful supply of mess. Time to clear it up will be measurable in milliseconds. Or in minus hours or minus days…weeks...months…
Because really, the problem is time. If only we could spread this love, joy, hilarity, energy, patience, sanity, sleep, noise, chaos, mess over a lifetime. But what we have is a jumbled few years of extremity and then if we’re careful to preserve them, a lifetime of memories.
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 10th December 2015

Co-parenting journey - Parenting confidence by the short and curlies

As mentioned in ‘Nine weeks and blooming/ballooning’ the decision to take our three month old to America was obviously a tricky one – would the baby be ok travelling long haul? As it happens, our trip was pretty full on. America is a particular place. Air-con, malls, cars, shops, intimidating food portions, fat people and highways running through the city. Why on earth did I think that was just a stereotype? Combine this realisation with a heat wave, being without my partner for four out of seven days, our trip to the Children’s Hospital and hating Boston, Mummy moi was not a happy bunyana. Boston: B****cks to your paltry ‘history’, give me Europe any day of the week. Ahem…
So spurred on by the online community assuring the ease with which I’d travel with a three month old compared with an 18 month old, not having travelled anywhere with any baby, we packed our newly purchased trunk (big enough for the baby to sleep in if needed – weird criterion for a suitcase but that’s where we’d got to, dib dib). In it I put every item of quite considerable baby gubbins we own, a handful of mummy’s undies and off we went. The breast feeding pillow that by day two I’d decided was the embodiment of my ‘parenting confidence’ even had its own rucksack… Little Miss was an absolute ANGEL on the flight. British Airways were great, fast-tracking us and taking care of us on the flight. My partner’s colleague helped entertain Her Nibs on the daytime flight and through some desperate eye-contact / telepathy she suckled for most of the descent. Phew, big lezzo mummy cried with relief as we stepped off the plane that no mishap or sore ears had occurred. Does the good news end there? Kind of… After a positive start to the holiday with a trip to the baseball, the heatwave and realities of mothering in a foreign, oh and did I mention horrible, city unfolded.
The travel sterilizer failed us big time. It left a residue that I’d refuse and Babes wasn’t having it. The mini-bar + heatwave soured the pumped breastmilk. Oh no. So, like it or lump it we switched from combination feeding to breast only. Thank god Left Breast and Right Breast, two creatures quite different in temperament, were up to it. Heroes, frankly, as any mother’s worst fear is not being able to feed baby. Not that she was very interested in feeding – but I wouldn’t want to feed in extremes of heat / air con either.
Then came the afternoon she vomited bloody mucus. Oh did that strike living fear into Big Brave Travelling Mama. Temporarily becalmed by the level head of my (antithetical) partner and a quick google ‘It’s fine if it only happens once’, I persevered. Baby got through the night. Wishing to please my partner: “Why don’t you go to the aquarium?” we crossed town. Quick nappy change before we went in and lo and behold, clear mucus in her nappy. Already on edge from the vomit, BBTM dashed back across town like a bat out of hell running down old women in shopping malls and mentally composing conversations with airlines, insurance companies and emergency services to GET US HOME. Teary tantrum later (again my other half was calmer about the symptoms) we got to Boston Children’s Hospital.
Little One at this point perks up (to be fair, she never actually seemed off kilter in her behaviour). Attendant Doctor declares in his loudest have-a-nice-day-American: “What’s up, this baby looks like a million bucks??” And, actually, she did. She smiled through her examination, she even smiled having her temperature taken rectally. And there was my resplendently gorgeous, and as it turns out, tough, little girl boggling on the examination table without a care in the world and loving the attention. So with her vitals checked and all-clear our holiday continued.
Still very much on edge, I was thrilled to leave Boston behind in our all-American hire car. As a much needed respite we stayed with family friends next. Baby woke from her car journey to five children all clamouring to be in her face. Again, she smiled and took it in her stride. Most of the visit was spent with our ‘supermom’ friend telling me what a ‘first time mom’ I was being. Fine, I can take it. But it doesn’t exactly take the angst away. Without our little break in a real home (replete with baby weighing scales to reassure me that she was actually getting some milk) I wouldn’t have coped with New York. It did at least, have something about it as a place. A very lucky, wonderful Airbnb apartment made for an almost pleasurable stay; but boy is the Empire State building a scary place at dusk with the world and his dog up there and a baby in a sling. Every disaster scenario under the sun coursed through my mind.
Thoroughly exhausted in every respect we returned on the red eye flight. The lady next to us liked the look of Baby so much I concluded she actually wanted to eat her; still, they were supportive of our parenting needs and I ceased resenting them for booking a bulkhead seat and NOT having a baby. Back in Blighty, met by my dad, the sibilant rasp of whispered discussions betwixt two fraught parents abated; my rubbed raw nerves relaxed as we took in the now temperate climate… Ah home. An hour later my partner was asleep face down on the living room floor, and my heart-rate was almost normal. I glanced at my little travelling Babes, two weeks’ older than when we’d left. Calmly propped up on the sofa like a pig in poo she had her TV face on and was watching the Davis Cup. What a laid back girl she’d been in the face of my meltdown.
I’d fundamentally misconceived the question. It wasn’t a case of ‘would the baby handle the trip’, it was whether I would handle the trip. I hung in there, but boy did it test my mettle. I certainly wouldn’t do it again for America.

Pride Angel Journey - Wearing Pink Pyjamas

In the 70’s when I grew up my mum tells me that for purchasing baby and toddler clothes, there was only really Mothercare. I guess they sold dresses and stuff, but when I look back at old family albums, for the most part I seem to be pottering around (with my pageboy hairstyle) wearing brown or blue dungarees. And when you flick ahead, there he is, my brother wearing the very same clothes two years later.
Now, however, Everywhere sells baby and toddler clothes. And Everywhere is well aware that if you polarise them by gender, as long as enough people have both a boy AND a girl, you can sell double the quantity. Same as for toys.
So it’s pastel with a heavy smattering of pink frills – flowers, butterflies and Peppa Pig. Or primary colours with diggers, tractors, and Thomas the Tank Engine.
Now, within weeks of Luna’s birth we quickly realised he speed at which clothes are outgrown. And whilst after the first year or so, the outgrowing panic settles a little as they stop growing ten centimetres every time you turn your head, having ‘one of each’ wasn’t going to stop us getting a bit more wear out of those clothes.
So Willow wears Luna’s pink sleepsuits, pink inflatable swimming costume and the odd floral t-shirt when the digger ones are in the wash.
It’s not just the money and waste though. Luna’s puddle suit and wellies have lorries and concrete mixers on – her current obsession. ‘Boys’’ dungarees can be more practical for exploring the garden. But a dress is handy when you’re potty learning…
Nevertheless, the pink sleepsuits in particular haven’t gone unnoticed by one or two male family members. I’m not immune to ‘what people think’ and I’m sure as our children get older, they won’t be either. And I understand that people have concerns about lesbian mummies raising boys (for some reason raising girls seems to be less of an issue). It’s true that we do need to take responsibility for making sure that in years to come, Willow knows how to be a man, and I’m aware that as he grows older we need to think about how we can put him in the path of suitable male role models: there is much to being a man, and I know little of it. But I’m fairly sure it has very little to do with the colour of your pyjamas, pink or otherwise.
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 14th September 2015

Pride Angel Journey - Books and Daddies

August 10, 2015 22:36 by PrideAngelAdmin

I walked into the living room to find my parents reading an old book of mine to two-year-old Luna. There was an awkwardness in the atmosphere. It turned out they’d panicked at the appearance of the main character’s ‘daddy’, but explained they’d managed to handle it by saying it was ‘grandad’. Phew! Still, much as Luna is very clear about what being part of an LGBT family means (looking at the page of ‘Dads’ in the Ahlbergs’ the Baby’s Catalogue: “Does Luna have a Daddy?”, “no, two mummies.”) it would be nice to see our own family structure reflected a little more frequently.
Of course there are some excellent LGBT books for toddlers available: in Newman and Thompson’s Mommy, Mama and Me, the mummies are uncannily like Sal and me in the mothering roles they adopt and Luna is clearly convinced that the story was written about her little life. But you don’t just walk into any old high street book shop and find those books. Not in my experience anyway. Not yet.
In the meantime, we might just have to make a few subtle alterations to some of the stories we already read and have Little Red Riding Hood rescued from the wolf’s belly by the woodcutter the sperm donor and Goldilocks tasting the porridge of Mummy Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear.
And if a daddy crops up again somewhere? Well, maybe he’ll be with his boyfriend...
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 10th August 2015

Pride Angel Journey - Milkies

It started when she was eighteen hours old. And ended when she was thirty hours old: a twelve-hour milky marathon. When I say it was just the start of things to come, I don’t mean it was often as extreme as that, but rather, Luna was always very keen for her milk – breastmilk that is – she never took to a bottle, even of expressed. In those early days when she woke or fussed and fretted, it was all about working out what she wanted…and we worked out gradually that all she really wanted was ‘milky’. So, feeling lucky with our smooth start to breastfeeding and a baby who wanted little else, I settled down with a book while she fed for hours and hours and hours…
Luna is two now – almost 26 months. She’s fast asleep next to me as I type; half an hour ago, I fed her to sleep. In place of the breasts I once had, I have ‘milkies’: the left one is (apparently) green and the right one purple. And these are some of the most common phrases I hear: “Milkies, want milkies.” “Two out. Get two out.” “Change sides. Want other side. Best turn around.”
It seems unthinkable that she will ever want to stop breastfeeding, which is a perturbing thought – but also, of course, not true; friends with older children assure me that it will just gradually not be her favourite thing any more, and then just not be her thing at all, by which point of course she might be around three or four years old.
So what is the huge advantage lesbian parents have over heterosexual parents? An extra pair of breasts and thus, potentially, a second lactating parent. Of course lactation isn’t essential for parenthood at all…but it is a very handy tool if you happen to have it.
It didn’t go down well with the nurse at my local GP practice last week when, asked how old the baby I as breastfeeding was, I answered, “well there’s my two-year-old and also my twelve-month-old – the biological child of my partner.” I’m not sure whether she disapproved of the LGBT family, the extended breastfeeding, or the combination. I don’t really care. I’m just glad that when one of our babies is a bit sleepy, or sad…or thirsty…or just wants mummy cuddles, there’s always plenty of milky to go around.
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 3rd July 2015
Read more Lesbian parenting blogs at www.prideangel.com

Co-parenting Journe: Seven months pregnant and basking in our glow

Both my wife and I have had unanimously positive reactions to our pregnancy. The only confusion for people who don’t know our relationship background is working out what my wife means when she says “We’re seven months pregnant”. It takes a second or two for people of average intelligence to look her up and down, ascertain that she isn’t pregnant herself, and, if they reach the right conclusion unprompted, think of the possibility that she means her wife. People are getting there with it, they really are. Of course our friends and colleagues already know and are being amazing and kind, asking us how it is all going and grinning knowingly. We’ve had baby equipment donations, gifts from distant colleagues in far flung offices, hugs, smiles and the ultimate compliment, “You’re glowing!” Pregnancy is like joining a special club. It breaks down barriers. People see my football-shaped belly from 100 paces and zone in on me with nuggets of advice, questions (‘When’s it due? Do you know what it is?’), and a general urge to stand a little closer, perhaps touch me, as a fount of life. The best opener I’ve had so far has been “If you need to be induced, go and do reflexology instead – it might make you go into labour.” This was in a cinema. And this morning, kindly encouragement from the milk shop cashier: “Try to push, don’t let them cut you.” I find myself doing it too. Zeroing in on other expectant mothers with the same excited (albeit slightly banal) need to engage: “Ooh that’s a big bump.” Yes, I actually said that to someone. In all, I’ve never spoken to so many kind friendly strangers as since my baby bump has been noticeable. Reactions from animals are much the same; cats snuggle up to my belly. Another literally sprang on to it, kneading, pawing and purring (it was a cat-nip kind of moment). On googling it I didn’t find a concrete link other than ‘they just know’ – clearly it’s such a primordial, instinctive, deeply animal thing to humans and animals alike. I offered my wife the chance to pen some words about how she’s feeling as the ‘un-pregnant parent’. Being a stereotypical scientist, this did not go down too well and as is oft the case, I am left to mine, extract and interpret her thoughts and feelings. All the signs are good; she’s talking and singing to my belly, engaging in the purchasing of baby things. She’s got the room painted and most importantly assists in tricky leaning forward tasks – standing up, stairs, anything to do with feet, socks, shoes and laces. With the aid of her earplugs, she sure isn’t losing sleep. Inevitably the perceptions and reactions of others comes into it. How do our families feel? Well no one, partially estranged or otherwise, has even breathed the old humdinger of biological fact that the baby ‘isn’t hers’. This is great as it has been known to crop up in even the most loving family circles to fly in the face of couples’ obvious focus on their baby for all the reasons it is both of theirs (just sayin). In other situations it’s slighted the sturdiest emotional house of cards in response to same-sex parenting and a collective preoccupation with the baby’s ‘origin’. Thank goodness not in our case, perhaps my greatest fear unrealised, we’re lucky, loved and loving it. On the plus side, being a scientist (of questionable emotional depth), my wife can ever be relied upon for taking the simple, instinctive approach to non-scientific questions. We’re seven months pregnant and our daughter is soon to change our lives forever. Article: Two excited mums to be 9th April 2015 www.prideangel.com

Pride Angel Journey - A Little Bump

Six weeks, seven weeks, eight weeks...we waited for the nausea to become a crippling misery of sickness...nine weeks, ten weeks, eleven weeks...still just a vague queasiness...twelve weeks, thirteen weeks, fourteen weeks and we finally accepted with relief (and a little envy on my part) that not all pregnancies involve eleven weeks of retching, vomiting and despair. After the initial bleeding scare, Sally's pregnancy was to be a low maintenance one, and with a eight-month-old baby Luna to look after, this was no bad thing. Fifteen weeks, sixteen weeks, seventeen weeks... Luna though of course, being a baby, was on the high maintenance end of the scale, and required every bit of attention that two mummies could provide. She had developed a strong attraction to all objects small and swallow-hazardy, an uncanny ability to smear yoghurt into into everything within a two-metre radius of the dining table, and a deep love of "milky" - such that I spent hours and hours and hours trapped under a sleepy, sucky bundle of now rather big baby. So Sally might have had an easy time of it, but lost amidst the nappies and lullabies and bootees and board books, she missed out a bit - on the tummy rubs and pampering and excitement of a first pregnancy. And perhaps I - not having had chance to get to know the little bump so well - missed out a bit too. Eighteen weeks, nineteen weeks, twenty weeks...and that little bump that was really starting to show... Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 1st October 2014

Pride Angel Journey - A Roadside Insemination

"Here, this'll do..." Sal braked sharply and backed up a short farm track almost hidden between the hedgerows. I glanced out of the back window: an audience of a dozen sheep behind an iron gate didn't seem to pose too much of a problem. First things first: milky. Luna couldn't go more than what seemed like ten minutes or so without complaining of being on the verge of dehydration. I got her out of the car seat and fed her whilst Sal scuffled around on the back seat trying to find a way of getting her pelvis propped up higher than her bottom. A discreet way (given the fact that half way into a farmer's field or not, we were still parked on the edge of a well-used narrow country lane). The thing is, when your sperm donor lives a 90-minute drive away, and after a visit to the grandparents, you happen to be passing - on ovulation day - it's too good an opportunity to miss. Luna was two and a half months old and this baby thing had been pretty straightforward so far. Time for another. So we called in for a cup of tea and a donation. It was the second time Luna's sperm donor had held her. We sat drinking tea, eating fancy turnip crisps and discussing the weather, while he held her, a cuddly bundle of his own genes...and then passed her back. And once again I silently acknowledged how much, in that little sample pot, he had given us. And an hour later, there we were: backed up against the farmer's field with a baby, a syringe and another little sample pot. We had to do it while it was still warm. So after waiting for a couple of cyclists to pass, we got on and did it: a roadside insemination. And when we set off again I wondered. I wondered three things. One: had we been seen? Two: when would Luna start to cry for milky again? And three: a potential due date before Luna's first birthday - what on earth were we thinking? Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 5th June 2014

US gay marriage and adoption trial tries to overturn ban

Detroit — Testimony continued Wednesday in the federal trial on a lawsuit seeking to overturn Michigan’s bans on adoption for same-sex couples and gay marriage. This week, attorneys for the state of Michigan, defending the state’s bans on same-sex adoption and marriage presented testimony from their experts who so far have maintained that children raised by heterosexual parents experienced better outcomes. The lawsuit was brought by plaintiffs April DeBoer and Jayne Rowse, two nurses from Hazel Park who hope to adopt each other’s adoptive children and legally marry. Testifying Wednesday, Louisiana State University family studies professor Loren Marks, criticized a 2005 American Psychological Association study that found there was no difference in the outcomes of children raised by heterosexual or gay and lesbian parents. That study has been cited by witnesses for the plaintiffs in the lawsuit brought by DeBoer and Rowse. Marks denounced the APA’s stance on same-sex families, saying the research it based the policy on was not complete and in some instances flawed. Marks said he analyzed the 59 cases the APA studied before taking its position. “I was struck by the strength of the language used in the claims,” said Marks, who published his analysis in the Social Science Research journal two years ago. “Not a single study seemed strong to me. I found the language strong and lacking caveat.” Marks said the studies lacked racial diversity and did not include enough gay men. He said the sample size was too small. Experts for the plaintiffs, such as Stanford University Michael Rosenfeld, have testified that children raised in same-sex couple households do just as well as children raised in other households. Testimony is expected to wrap up Thursday and closing arguments are expected to be done Friday. Article: 5th March 2014 www.detroitnews.com

Alternative Parenting Show today was another success

Today’s Alternative Parenting show was another resounding success. The show included many leading experts giving advice on how to navigate through the minefield of starting a family, whether in a same-sex relationship, single or needing a donor to conceive. Topics included legal provisions, surrogacy, fertility, co-parenting along with fostering and adoption. The one day event gave people the chance to ask questions about the different options available. Many people spoke to fertility clinics about their treatment options. Other options included finding a donor through a connection websites such as Pride Angel, the leading worldwide connection service for finding a known donor or co-parent. Erika co-founder of Pride Angel said ‘We spoke with many people today at the Alternative Parenting show, who were excited to hear about the possibility of being able to find and meet their own sperm or egg donor. With many people wishing to have the option of staying in touch with the donor and even for the child to have some level of contact, maybe like an ‘uncle type figure in their lives’. To read more about known sperm donation, egg donation or co-parenting visit www.prideangel.com

Lesbian and gay parenting books should be featured in schools

Mark McGlashan, from Lancaster University, said pupils as young as five should be introduced to texts that "challenge homophobic bullying and encourage inclusivity in schools". There is evidence that giving young children access to picture books that show gay and lesbian characters in a good light can have “positive benefits” and promote equality, it is claimed. His comments come before a conference in Westminster next week aimed at understanding how homophobia and homophobic bullying can be challenged through the use of resources in primary schools. Earlier this year, the National Union of Teachers urged staff to use “anti-sexist” materials designed to challenge common gender stereotypes. The union has designed lessons using such books that are being used in schools Norfolk, Portsmouth, London and Nottingham. It recommends books such as Bill's New Frock, The Boy With Pink Hair, William's Doll, The Different Dragon, Girls Are Best and Dogs Don't Do Ballet. Last week, Michael Gove, the Education Secretary, also called for fresh action to stamp out the use of the word “gay” as an insult in schools. Mr McGlashan, who has done extensive analyses of representations of same-sex parents in picture books, said next week’s conference would “look at children's literature as a means to challenge homophobic bullying and encourage inclusivity in schools”. “Part of that aim could include increasing the availability of LGBT literature to educators,” he said. "There is evidence that promoting cultural inclusivity in early years education has positive benefits with regard to challenging homophobia and this will also be discussed at the conference. "Research has shown that resources such as picturebooks can be positively implemented in primary schools to tackle homophobia at its roots. "Ofsted now specifically looks at homophobic bullying as an issue in schools and it really is a significant problem. “The idea is that LGBT-inclusive literature could help schools address an issue that really is negatively impacting the lives of young people but the resources aren't there - there just isn't enough good literature available.” The event, which will be attended by academic experts, publishers and politicians, including Stephen Twigg, Labour's shadow education secretary, aims to generate debate on how literature featuring same-sex parents can be used to break down prejudices and challenge stereotypes prevalent in schools. The conference – funded by Lancaster’s Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences (FASS) Enterprise Centre – will be held on July 16 at Westminster Hall. The event has also been created in association with Lancaster's Centre for Corpus Approaches to Social Science (CASS), funded by the Economic and Social Research Council (ESRC). Mr McGlashan said: "The consultation should result in the production of a number of recommendations to make better quality resources available to educators. "Bringing together people to discuss the need to grow the LGBT-inclusive children's literature market, we hope will address some of the shortfalls that exist and produce a number of recommendations for the use of these books in schools as well as discuss their status in retail." He added: "Homophobic bullying in schools is a significant and prevalent issue. A Stonewall report in 2012 revealed 55 per cent of LGB children in British schools experience bullying. "Children's literature is a key educational source in creating an inclusive culture. LGBT-inclusive books are yet to become a staple of school libraries. "But, why not integrate or produce LGBT-inclusive resources that help our schools prevent homophobic bullying? There is work in the area but not enough and this is what this conference is hoping to address. "There is a growing recognition of the need, want and support for resources aimed at young people to promote inclusive, anti-homophobic practices but there is still little being done to address the lack of resources." Article: 11th July 2013 www.telegraph.co.uk

New Parents Study: Are you having your first child?

Did you use assisted reproduction procedures (surrogacy or donor insemination)? Researchers at the Universities of Cambridge, Paris and Amsterdam are looking for lesbian, gay and heterosexual couples based in the UK, France or Holland, who used donor insemination or surrogacy to conceive their child. The New Parents Study is examining the development of relationships between parents and their babies during the first year of life. As part of the New Parents Study we will visit you once at your home, when your baby is 4 months old. Then, when your baby is 12 months old, you will come to see us. During these visits we will get to see your baby develop through videoing interactions with you, a short interview and questionnaires. For more information about this study, please go to www.psychol.cam.ac.uk/adprg/new-parents-study or contact us at infancy@hermes.cam.ac.uk Contact us at Pride Angel for more information. Article: 4th June 2013 by Dr Kate Ellis-Davies Research Associate Applied Developmental Psychology Research Group University of Cambridge

Choosing your sperm donor as a lesbian couple

For some couples the decision is easy, and the choice of a donor obvious, for others knowing your own standpoint on this or agreeing with your partner is harder. For some couples basic characteristics such as height, hair and eye colour are essential. For some couples meeting the donor in person is a very important step in being able to decide for the right donor or even co-parent. For some couples the wish for involvement from the donor is critical and the level of wanted involvement also varies greatly among couples. Common for all British lesbian couples though, is that the donor cannot be completely anonymous, as law prohibits this. The law from April 2005 was enforced, because it was believed that every child has a right to know its genetic background. How this influences couples' choices of a donor, is what greatly interests me. Looking for couples to interview My name is Siff Groth and my own thoughts on starting a family with my partner, has made me passionate about working with this subject in an academic way. I am a Danish student of Social Anthropology, and am currently in Brighton to do a five month long fieldwork, ending by the end of June. I meet with lesbian parents and parents-to-be and listen to their stories and hereby learn about how couples start their family and decide on the right donor for them. If you and your partner are in the process of choosing a donor or have already had your child, if you are located in the Sussex area, UK, and would like to share with me your experiences, it will be very much appreciated and I will look forward to listen your story! Feel free to contact me at frk.groth@gmail.com, also for any questions regarding the study. Article: 13th April 2013 by Sith, Student of Anthropology Find your sperm donor at www.prideangel.com

First lesbian mum in UK Janis Hetherington, has very convensional son

Ask Janis Hetherington what kind of mother she is and she replies, without hesitation, ‘unconventional’. 'I’m not a “mummy” person at all,’ she says. ‘But I’m a brilliant father. I had to be both, so parenthood was quite schizophrenic in lots of ways.’ In 1972, Janis, now 66, made history as the first British lesbian to have a child by artificial insemination using sperm from a donor. Her son Nick, 41, now a happily married screenwriter living in New York, has the unique distinction of being the first child in this country to grow up with same-sex parents — a revolutionary concept at the time of his birth in 1972. Born into a family which consisted of his mother Janis and her partner Judy, who had a young daughter of her own, Nick was nine months old when Judy died of a heart attack, aged 30. He was two when Janis met her current partner, Barbara, who became his second ‘Mum’. Today, same-sex parenting is more or less accepted in Western society, but for Janis and Nick it was a sometimes difficult experience, and it is only now they feel comfortable enough to acknowledge the fault lines in their relationship. Janis says: ‘It felt wonderful to be a pioneer, but I was incredibly lonely because I was the first. People who opposed what I was doing waited for me to fail, so perhaps I was unable to enjoy motherhood in the way I might have liked. ‘Knowing what I know now, though, I would still have gone ahead with it.’ Dressed in a waistcoat and suit, her grey hair scraped back into a bun, Janis could easily pass for a country gent as she stokes the log fire in her 17th-century Oxfordshire house. In the kitchen, however, her feminine side flourishes. A brilliant cook, she shares recipes and doles out home-made chutney. The overall impression is of intellectualism underpinned by a vulnerability borne from a lifetime of being judged — not only by those morally opposed to her choices, but by her own son. Today, Janis and Nick agree they share ‘an amazing bond’ — but it wasn’t always so. As an angry young man, he found her wanting. When Nick first moved to America 20 years ago, he didn’t speak to Janis for two years because their relationship was so strained. It took ten years for them to mend fences. By comparison with his childhood, his adult life looks conventional. He married Soo Kim, 42, a TV producer, in the Caribbean two years ago, and they hope to have a child soon. Read more.... Article: 5th March 2013 www.dailymail.co.uk

And baby makes three' at the Building Families Show

So the two of you are more than happy, but do you want more? Have you ever considered you might be ready for a baby? More and more same sex partners are taking the steps to provide a secure and loving family. Society’s attitude towards gay parenting has changed too. Nowadays, an increasing number of gay people are seriously considering parenthood as a viable option. Attitudes have changed because people are experiencing problems conceiving a child for a variety of reasons, with one in six couples now seeking help in trying for a child. With figures like this, many people are heading down to the Building Families Show, at the Hilton, London Metropole on 6th April 2013. Infertility, for any reason, can take you to a lonely and desperate place. But it also expresses inner strength you didn’t know you had. Building Families brings together the world’s leading IVF & Surrogacy specialists and showcases the most diverse range of innovative methods and technologies to make surrogacy and sperm or egg donation work for you. The unique event will bring the professionals and the general public together under one roof to discuss options for the next chapter in your journey and advise you on how to start, or help your family grow – through the help of IVF, surrogacy or egg donation. Building Families presents a perfect opportunity to boost and update your knowledge of the world of Surrogacy and Gamete Donation and to meet new friends. As a potential or intended parent you will get support from other people going through IVF, surrogacy or gamete donation, and the experts will talk you through your options as an individual. It is a fantastic opportunity to hear what the process of becoming a parent would be like for you, by discussing your future with exhibitors, including: British Surrogacy Centre; Simply Fertility and California Fertility Partners – who together, have over 30 years’ of experience. Plus, there will be seminars all day, which will be held by world class experts who will discuss the options for your journey, or explain their own steps into parenthood. Speakers will include Anne-Marie Hutchinson, OBE, Tony Drewitt-Barlow, on his personal surrogacy journey and a designated question time with experts from The California Fertility Partnership, Dawson Cornwell and Andrea Bryman. Entry is free if you pre-register and you will be surrounded by people waiting to work for you – to give you what you need and tohelp create the family you have always dreamed of. Everything you always thought you couldn’t have, you now can, and leading experts are waiting to help. So what are you waiting for? Go down, and make the most of the day and start on the exciting journey of becoming a parent. After all good things come in threes Article: 15th March 2013

Children in gay adoption are at no disadvantage study shows

Recent Study shows children adopted by lesbian and gay couples are at no disadvantage. Fears that children do less well in life are completely unfounded, according to the first study into how children and parents in non-traditional families fare compared with heterosexual households. The findings, from the University of Cambridge's Centre for Family Research, will be published in a report by the British Association of Adoption and Fostering tomorrow. Researchers found that gay and lesbian parents are at least as good at coping with the demands of parenting. Children do not suffer any disadvantage, and the vast majority are not bullied at school, but the report warns: "Bullying and teasing are much more of a problem in secondary schools than primary schools; thus, only follow-up will reveal how things turn out in the future." The experiences of 130 gay, lesbian and heterosexual adoptive families in Britain, with children aged four to eight, were examined – focusing on the quality of family relationships, how parents cope and how children adjust. The study concludes "there was no evidence" to support speculation that children's masculine or feminine tendencies are affected by having gay or lesbian parents. Family life and the quality of relationships are very similar for children regardless of their parents' sexual orientation, it says. Professor Susan Golombok, director of the Cambridge centre and report co-author, said: "What I don't like is when people make assumptions that a certain type of family, such as gay fathers, will be bad for children. The anxieties about the potentially negative effects for children of being placed with gay fathers seem to be, from our study, unfounded." Gay men are less likely to have depression, anxiety, stress and relationship problems while coping with parenthood. One reason cited is that "same-sex couples were much less likely to have experienced infertility on their route to parenthood and were more likely to come to adoption as their first choice". In addition, "gay fathers, in particular, are extremely committed to parenting". The former TV presenter Phil Reay-Smith, who has an adopted son, said: "I'm not at all surprised that gay couples have been found to be just as good adopters as straight adopters are. I look at my own family, which is me, my husband, Michael, and our son, Scott, who is six, and we just have a very boring family life. We haven't had any problems in the playground yet. My main concern is perhaps what happens at secondary school, but my belief is that if we educate him to have the confidence in himself about his family situation, he'll be able to deal with anything that does crop up." The issue of children being brought up by same-sex parents divides opinion. Welsh Secretary David Jones was condemned last month after claiming that gay couples "clearly" could not provide a "warm and safe environment for the upbringing of children". He has since said he is not opposed to same-sex adopters. More lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people should come forward, said Sir Martin Narey, the Government's adoption adviser. Speaking on the eve of LGBT adoption and fostering week, he said: "I have seen how LGBT people, who tend to come to adoption as their first choice for becoming parents, bring determination and enthusiasm to it. Many more gay adopters need to be encouraged to come forward." Article: 3rd March 2013 www.independent.co.uk

'Gay couples cannot provide safe environment for children' states MP

The Welsh secretary has said gay couples "clearly" cannot provide a "warm and safe environment" in which to raise children. On ITV Wales' Face to Face programme, David Jones said this was why he had voted against the government's legislation for same-sex marriage. The Conservative MP said he was not homophobic and had "people in my life who are important to me who are gay". But Labour said the comments showed "the nasty party is alive and well". MPs were given a free vote on same-sex marriage legislation in the Commons last week, meaning that they were allowed to vote according to their consciences and did not face sanctions for taking an opposing view to their party leaders. Prime Minister David Cameron is a strong supporter of same-sex marriage, but Mr Jones was one of two cabinet ministers to vote against it. 'Overwhelming opposition' The Welsh secretary told ITV: "I regard marriage as an institution that has developed over many centuries, essentially for the provision of a warm and safe environment for the upbringing of children, which is clearly something that two same-sex partners can't do. "Which is not to say that I'm in any sense opposed to stable and committed same-sex partnerships." He said he believed his constituents were "overwhelmingly" opposed to the government's plan to allow same-sex couples to marry or convert their civil partnerships to marriages. In a statement after the interview, Mr Jones added: "I made the point of stressing that I was fully supportive of committed same-sex relationships. I also strongly approve of civil partnerships. "I did not say in the interview that same-sex partners should not adopt children and that is not my view. "I simply sought to point out that, since same-sex partners could not biologically procreate children, the institution of marriage was one that, in my opinion, should be reserved to opposite sex partners." 'Ill-informed' But shadow Welsh secretary Owen Smith strongly criticised the secretary of state's original remarks. "That such views exist in the heart of the Tory cabinet provides yet more evidence of how out of touch the Tories are with modern Britain, and how David Cameron's claim to have changed his party is, like so many of his promises, nothing more than empty words," the Labour MP said. "David Jones's comments are profoundly offensive and he should apologise immediately." The director of campaign group Stonewall Cymru, Andrew White, said: "We're saddened that the secretary of state for Wales should make such an offensive and inaccurate remark. "There are many different types of family in Wales today, including many same-sex couples raising children. It's deeply undermining to families and children when they hear this sort of ill-informed comment. "Fortunately, recent YouGov polling for Stonewall Cymru shows that the secretary of state's views are out of touch with the majority of people, both in Wales and throughout Great Britain." strong>Article: 15th February 2013 www.bbc.co.uk

Fertility organisations trying to clarify new sperm donor court ruling

Natalie gamble Associates (NGA) has been contacted by UK patient organisations trying to clarify the implications of the High Court’s ruling, which has allowed two sperm donors to argue in court that they should have rights of contact with their biological children. NGA has been representing the lesbian mothers in this case. The ruling received a lot of press attention yesterday (including on the front page of the Daily Mail, and in the Guardian, Telegraph, Independent and BBC). Natalie spoke to the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority, the British Fertility Society, the National Gamete Donation Trust and the Donor Conception Network – all seeking further information about what to say to patients, donors and donor conceived families who were contacting them. The HFEA and the BFS have issued press statements in response to the ruling. We thought it would be helpful to provide a clear summary of what the ruling means for these organisations and others concerned about this: - The ruling only gave the two donors the right to argue their case in court. It is not yet know whether they will be given any rights of contact with the children. - The reason for the decision was very fact specific, a result of the fact that the donors were known to the lesbian mothers and had contact with the children in their early months before relationships broke down. The court was satisfied, on the facts, that the donors had sufficient connection with the children to at least justify their cases being heard in court. - The ruling is therefore exceptionally unlikely to apply to donors who have had no contact with the child – for example unknown donors through licensed clinics. - However, the ruling could apply to other types of known donors, including known sperm or egg donors who have donated through a licensed clinic, if they can demonstrate sufficient connection with the child in practice. Although in this case conception took place outside a licensed clinic, the law which provided that these men were ‘not to be treated as the father for any purpose’ is the same law which excludes the status of other types of egg and sperm donors. - The ruling does not in any way affect donors’ responsibilities – it does not make it possible to hold a donor legally or financially responsible for a child they help conceive. Article: 3rd February 2013 www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk

'Glad to have gay parents' said majority of Oxford union students

Overwhelming majority of Oxford Union students would be ‘glad to have gay parents’ The outcome of the debate was that the motion of 'gay parents' was supported by a large majority (Image: Ross Brooks) In an Oxford Union debate on Thursday evening, the subject of which being gay parenting, the motion passed with a large majority. The traditional Thursday evening debate, on the topic “this house would be glad to have gay parents”, took place, and the motion was carried with 345 votes to 21. Arguing for the motion, the winning team of the debate, was PinkNews.co.uk and Out4Marriage founder, Benjamin Cohen, gay rights activist, Richard Fairbass of the band Right Said Fred, and Phyll Opoku-Gyimah of Black Pride UK. Debating against the motion was Peter D Williams of Catholic Voices, anti-abortion activist Anthony McCarthy and anti-equality activist, Lynette Burrows. Scott Lively, a staunch anti-gay evangelical Christian, was scheduled to speak at the debate, but was unable to attend because of an administrative oversight which meant he did not travel to the UK. He was replaced on the ‘against’ panel by George Hargreaves, the leader of the Christian Party. Arguing for the motion, PinkNews.co.uk founder, Benjamin Cohen, said: “When I get married to my gay partner I will have a wedding, like my parents did, not a ‘gay’ wedding”. Ms Burrows said as part of her argument against the motion that Benjamin Cohen would be a “pretend father’ and criticised the motion as “sinister”. She went on to say that it would be a “travesty” for any child to have same-sex parents. She also implied that it society should go back to a time when gay people were considered “sodomites”. Scott Lively will speak in two weeks time at another debate on a different topic. In a decision which some found controversial the Oxford Union had previously announced that BNP leader Nick Griffin would “not be turned away” if he decided to attend a scheduled debate on gay parenting, despite Mr Griffin’s official invitation being withdrawn. The invitation to speak at the Thursday evening debate was originally extended to Mr Griffin as a potential speaker against the motion. However, the invitation had been withdrawn after it emerged that the Union member who extended it did not have the proper authorisation to do so. The Union also drew criticism over its decision to invite American author, attorney, and activist Scott Lively. Mr Lively recently termed homosexuality “the issue of the End Times”, and said it would lead to events such as in Noah’s flood. Article: 18th January 2013 www.pinknews.co.uk

Gay Parenting: It's complicated - Guardian's feature on same-sex parenting

Emma Brockes has written a fabulous major feature for this weekend’s Guardian Weekend magazine on same sex parenting, in which Natalie Gamble Associates are proud to be quoted. The piece tells the story of three modern same sex parent families: Kellen and Patricia, lesbian mums from New York who have a daughter and are now expecting twins, following egg swapping IVF – Patricia is the birth mother but she carried embryos created with Kellen’s eggs. Will Halm and Marcellin Simard, gay dads to three children age 15, 13 and 10, who pioneered surrogacy as gay dads in California, where they were the first same sex parents to be named on a birth certificate together, and where Will now represents others as a fertility lawyer. Andrew Solomon and John Habich, gay dads to a truly alternative family structure – a son through surrogacy who they are raising together, and three more children co-parented with two different mothers. It is a wonderful picture of the realities of modern same sex parenting, with scenarios we are increasingly dealing with for families in the UK too. All the parents involved talk vividly about the challenges and problems they have faced as gay parents – not the playground prejudice and emotional problems many might expect, but losing legal rights when crossing borders, and grappling with obstructive passport authorities. But the biggest problem of all for alternative families remains surrogacy. As Emma says in her article: There is, in all this, one glaringly unsubtle problem, and that is surrogacy, which as a percentage affects gay men more than any other group. Commercial surrogacy is illegal in the UK, forcing many childless couples to seek help abroad. When they return, the British government is reluctant to endorse an arrangement that undermines public policy. “English law applies its own rules as to who the parents are, irrespective of what happens abroad,” says Natalie Gamble, the country’s leading fertility lawyer. “So even if you’re named as the parent on a US birth certificate, English law will say that the surrogate is the mother and if she’s married, her husband is the father.” This can lead to some bizarre situations. In 2008, Gamble’s firm acted for a British couple who had used a surrogacy service in Ukraine. “In Ukraine, the law said they were the parents. But under English law, the Ukrainian surrogate and her husband were the parents. The systems were in direct conflict. The result was that the children had no parents and no nationality. They had no right to stay in Ukraine, and they had no passport to cross any borders. That’s the worst nightmare of international surrogacy.” Gamble persuaded the Home Office to issue the children with discretionary entry clearance, then applied to the high court for a parental order, naming the British couple as legal parents. We have long campaigned for alternative families, both individually in court, and by arguing hard for changes to the law (including supporting the UK’s legal changes allowing gay dads and lesbian mums to be named on birth certificates together). Why do we do this? Because we believe that parents who love and cherish their children raise wonderful families, no matter what the structure. With that in mind we want to salute, above all, what Will Halm says about his teenage daughter: “That a test tube baby, from two gay men, is a well-adjusted, smart, polished girl at 15, who is comfortable talking about her family – she is what I would like the world to see. Not the parents who are creating the child, but the children themselves.” Article: 23rd April 2012 by Natalie Gamble Associates