Co-parenting Journey: Boob and chain what they don’t tell you about breastfeeding

After a busy Co-Co-Co-parenting Christmas our then 6 month old is a very busy very opinionated nearly mobile nearly 9 months. As I type there’s a heavy breathing/ panting and clanging noise coming from the dangerous corner of the living room. Yup, where the tv and electricals are. Sigh. She hasn’t napped. Nor has she stilled. She cried at lunch until I made her favourite fruit and yogurt. How did I know that’s what she wanted? Something about a little finger with a frazzled mummy wrapped around it…
Most significantly she WILL NOT take bottle. This is the crisis of the hour. And yet another small but important possibility that no one warns you about. We’d assumed that because she took bottle as a baby we could re-introduce it at any time. Well she’s not having a bar of it and I fear we’ve left it too late now, not least because she likes to have things her way - so be warned prospective Pride Angel parents! Turns out Munchkin was teething. But how do you ever know. A friend pointed out the bulges in her gums, “We had that, her teeth will be through soon.” And sure enough there they were, two widely spaced little top teeth poking through not two days later. She’s recently been referred to as a toddler. Perhaps a little prematurely but that’s how it’s beginning to feel. Her newly conquered milestones seem a lot this month; mobility - a form of crawling but she’s more interested in standing/walking, showing excitement, dancing (a vigorous head shake), first actual tantrum not wanting to go to sleep, pointing to her sippy cup when she wants a drink, longer spells of concentration and engagement at baby classes, more talking, lots of nose-picking, the list goes on. Probably there were long lists at each previous month and perhaps I’ve said it before but we’ve really got a little person on our hands. With this comes the inevitable planning for regaining mummy’s former life. Do I want it back? Or do I want to be with my girl? I keep telling myself it will be good for her to start nursery and learn to look after herself. Best of all there’s no doubt she appears to have the independent self-sufficient spirit that will see her thrive. But… it’s just another transition in the parenting journey. Like every other parent we’re tormenting ourselves with the notion of upsizing. “Let’s move to the country, it’ll be better for the baby!” Really? Isn’t commuting going to be tough enough for the next few years, sprinting, literally, from nursery to work and back. Every minute without her is going to feel like it counts. So for now it’s little steps and a lot of ‘let’s see’. As for co-parenting, we’re wangling a day off work a week per parenting set; our girl will get a daddy day and a mummy day each week. This is a very much hoped for arrangement coming to fruition. Her day with her dad will hopefully provide the benefits of regular one-on-one access - what a treat a whole day just the two of them!

Charlie Condou talks about life with two dads and one mum

There are many ways my family has an advantage over the regular two-parent model. That extra pair of hands, for one thing, that makes a massive difference, particularly in the foggy, newborn days. But it also throws up a number of problems that, while not absent in other families, can feel more acute in ours. Specifically, I'm thinking about the issue of control. Parents who live together may not always agree on every aspect of raising their kids but, somehow, they have to find a way to compromise and put on a united front for their children. The rules their kids live by are the "house rules". There might be small differences – Dad lets us have a second bowl of ice cream, Mum helps with our homework, that sort of thing – but, essentially, there's one way of doing things; one style of parenting. For us, it's not so clear. Our children are growing up, much like the children of divorced parents, with two homes and, in many ways, two different ways of doing things. Catherine, for example, is one of life's organisers and needs to know what she's going to be doing and how her day will go. She does a lot of structured activities with the kids – swimming lessons, baby gym, play dates etc. Cam and I, on the other hand, tend to take a much looser approach. The kids have a daily routine with us, but there is plenty of space for just pottering about, watching telly or kicking around the park. I know that Catherine sometimes finds our laissez-faire approach frustrating, just as I think she sometimes over-organises. If we lived together all the time, we would doubtless find a balance, but because we don't, what happens is that the kids have two homes with somewhat different parenting styles. Does it matter? For the children, I would say not. First, kids are incredibly adaptable and seem to have no problem understanding that different things happen in different houses (especially if that's all they have ever known). And, over the course of a week, the organised and laid-back approaches probably balance out. But for us parents, it's been an exercise in learning to cede control. It requires a huge amount of trust in the other parent; trust that, though they may do things very differently, they are still doing what's best for your child. But you learn to let go and, in time, even see the benefits of this dual approach. Interestingly, when Hal arrived and we all started living at Catherine's house, Georgia became really unsettled. She only seemed to return to her normal, sunny self when Cam and I took her back to spend the night at our place. Of course, for her living in two homes is "normal" so suddenly being in the same house all the time felt strange. Her routine had been disrupted and she didn't like it. Some things are sacrosanct. Whichever house the kids are in, they have the same bedtime routine and discipline is consistent. It's important that there is never a suggestion that they can get away with behaviour with one parent that would be unacceptable with the others. As always, our family works first and foremost because we talk a lot and listen to each other. That is the golden rule, and the first thing I say to people who are considering entering an arrangement like ours. You won't always agree on everything, but it's how you handle it that counts. Remember that you all have the best interests of the children at heart and trust each other. Article: 28th April 2012 www.guardian.co.uk

US production company looking to speak with co-parenting families

An Emmy Award-winning production company is looking for people who established unique and interesting co-parenting situations to build their family. We are looking for non-traditional pairs of people raising a child/children together.
They are NOT currently looking for divorced couples who are “co-parenting.”*

The production company are looking for individuals or couples such as:

- single, platonic friends who decide to have and raise a child together; could be gay, straight, whatever
- single parents who decide to team up with another single parent to cooperatively raise their kids and support family life
- any unique parenting situation outside of the “norm”
- Looking for families and friends to share their stories to show how the idea of family can be fulfilled in so many ways


We’d also like to hear from you if you know anyone that fits above description; we want to know what’s going on out there!

If you are interested in helping or just want more information please contact us at Pride Angel, alternatively email info@prideangel.com

Coronation street star Charlie Condou talks about his 'Life as a gay dad'

Charlie Condou, Coronation Street star, has always wanted to become a dad and has now become a well known 'gay celebrity dad'. But, he says, what's important is the parenting, not the fact that his daughter has three parents.
I left the Granada studios in Manchester after work one day and jumped into a cab, heading for the station and then a London train and home. The cab driver looked at me in the mirror, gave a little smile and said: "So, when's the baby due?" Not "Hello" or "I know you", or even "I read in the Sun today …" but I'm getting used to the surrealness that sometimes accompanies being part of Coronation Street. It is, after all, the world's longest-running soap opera. And I'm a friendly, polite sort of bloke.

Me: "January, still a while to go."

Cabbie: "Right, so that's, what, a two-year gap between this one and your daughter?" OK, so the driver is clearly a Corrie fan but, even so, that's some detail he has retained.

Me: "Yes, that's right, she'll be two-and-a-bit when the new one comes along."

Cabbie: "So, how does it work then?"

I get this a lot – people are curious about the logistics of my child-rearing arrangements, I understand that. While not the rarity it once was, gay parenting is still something that few people have direct experience of, and it is only natural that they ask questions.

Me: "Well, our daughter spends half her time at her mother's house and half her time with me and my partner. We co-parent; it works pretty well."

Cabbie: "And did you and the mum have sex?"

Me: "Er …"

Thankfully, I am released from having to respond as the station hoves into view, but it is not the first time, nor I imagine will it be the last, that a total stranger has asked me about my sex life. Such is the life of a "gay celebrity dad".

Gay celebrity dad. It's funny because those first two words seem to dictate everything about the way the world reacts to me these days, and yet they are in many ways meaningless to me. I don't feel like a gay dad, any more than I feel like a celebrity dad. When I'm with my family, caring for my daughter, watching the little bean jump around on the ultrasound screen, I just feel like a "dad". My day-to-day experience of the ups and downs of parenting are the same as everyone else's. I feel the same frustration as any other parent when my daughter fills her nappy just as we're heading out of the door, and the same ridiculous pride when she lisps her way through Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.

Even our shared residence arrangements with her mother are not really any different from those of millions of divorced and separated parents. Perhaps because my own upbringing is a far-from-unusual 21st-century jumble of step-parents and half-siblings, the quirkiness of my current situation feels unremarkable.

And yet, at least to the wider world, it is remarkable. And, because of that, I feel that maybe I do have some responsibility to open up, to talk about my life, and to let strangers ask personal questions.

When I was a teenager, coming out and coming to terms with being gay, one of the hardest parts of that process was dealing with the fear that I would never have kids. I'd wanted to be a dad for as long as I could remember – aged four, coming home from nursery in tears because they always picked girls to bath the dollies at the end of the day. Gay parenting didn't exist then, at least not in any public way. There were men, often estranged from their kids, who had tried marriage in their 20s before coming out and leaving their families. It was easier for lesbians, of course, though still never spoken about, but gay men and kids? Unheard of. I know what it would have meant to me then to have had role models to look up to. To see gay men in loving relationships, raising children together and building families would have removed so much fear from my teenage years and made my path to self-acceptance smoother.

To read more go to http://bit.ly/r4UOg1

Gay magazine looking for gay and lesbian couples who have become parents through Pride Angel

QX Magazine is looking for gay couples who have become parents through Pride Angel to talk about their experiences in a feature about gay parenting. Although they are a magazine predominately targeted at homosexual men they would welcome lesbian couples to reply as well, given that this seems to be a widespread issue affecting all gay people. They would also like to talk to gay male sperm donors who have had children with lesbian couples and retain some modicum of parenting contact.
If you are willing to take part then we will send over a brief interview via email. QX magazine are basically looking to assess how easy you find it to be a gay parent in Britain in 2011 and whether you have ever encountered any prejudice from other parents? What was it like making the decision to have a child and how easy was the procedure of going about it? Any other issues you think we should be aware of we'd be grateful to hear about.

Gay sperm donors in high demand

Many more women are turning to sperm donor websites to find donors or co-parents, fuelled by the shortage of donors within the UK, along with many NHS authorities cutting back on IVF treatment. Pride Angel reports on the increasing demand by both lesbian couples and single women for ‘gay sperm donors’.
Their study looked at the number of recipients looking for gay men from their database of over 4500 members. Of the 4500 members 64% are women looking for ‘sperm donors’, with only 16% registered as ‘sperm donors’. This shows a huge shortage in the number of willing donors, compared to the demand. They found that of those recipients who requested ‘looking for’ in their profile, 51% are looking for a ‘gay single man’, with 31% looking for a ‘gay couple’. In contrast, of the registered sperm donors only 23% record themselves as ‘gay’ within their profiles. 53% of sperm donors request ‘looking for’ a single woman, with 33% ‘looking for’ a lesbian couple to donate to.

Why are lesbian and single women looking for gay donors rather than heterosexual men? There may be many reasons for this preference. Erika co-founder of Pride Angel says ‘Many women are wishing to find genuine gay men, either single or in a couple, who are willing to co-parent or donate sperm with some form of on-going contact’ ‘This may be because they feel that gay men may be more sensitive or caring, or easier to co-parent with’. ‘We would really like to see far more gay men coming forward to donate sperm.’

Pride Angel also looked at data received from a questionnaire undertaken by people attending the Manchester Pride’s Lifestyle Expo in August 2010. The questionnaire was completed by 150 people and requested individual views on ‘the level of contact’ they felt the donor should have with any child conceived from known donor conception. The results were very interesting and showed that the vast majority of people did wish for their child to have some form of ongoing contact with their donor, only 26% of women and 20% of men thought that any donation should be anonymous. 27% of women wanted some kind of active involvement from their donor, be it regular or occasional contact. In contrast 51% of men wished to have regular or occasional contact with their donor child. A significant number of women 31%, wanted for their child to be able to contact their donor if needed while growing up

To read more go to http://bit.ly/bwxrEH

Gay sperm donor fights lesbian mother over access to children

The woman in her 40s, and her civil partner, took the case to the Court of Appeal to try to overturn an earlier ruling that the children should spend almost half the year living with their father.
The mother, who cannot be named for legal reasons, is accusing the father of trying to “marginalise” her partner and “overpower” them both with his forceful personality.

But the father, a wealthy man in a long-term relationship, now in his 50s, claims it is his right to see his children and they should divide their time between him and their mother.

The case began in 1999 when the man placed an advert in Gay Times in the hope of finding a lesbian couple to have his children. Looking for a similar female couple who wants to have kids. I require little involvement. I have a lot to offer.”

After a long-term lesbian couple answered the advert, he twice donated sperm and a boy and girl, now aged nine and seven, were born.

Earlier this year a county court judge awarded "shared residency" orders to the mother and father and directed that the children should spend almost half the year with him.

June Venters QC, representing the mother and her partner, said the children were “aware of the difficulties between mummy and daddy” and were at risk of being emotionally harmed by the dispute.

She accepted that the youngsters had a meaningful relationship with their father and said it was in no way suggested that he should lose all contact rights.

To read more go to http://bit.ly/atdgHW

The Times are looking to speak with lesbian and gay co-parenting families

The Times Weekend section are doing a piece on the Alternative Families Show, taking place Saturday 23rd October 2010 - 10am to 5pm GRAND CONNAUGHT ROOMS, COVENT GARDEN, LONDON
The Times are looking for a compelling case study to lead the piece, of people who have successfully started a family through co-parenting.

Would any of our members be interested in a photo shoot and an interview with them, talking about your experience of finding someone to start a family with, who you are not in a relationship with?

Any interested members would need to be photographed, but this could be done in an anonymous way if necessary. If both co-parents are willing to speak that would also be fantastic. The Times are interested in Lesbian couples who have used a known sperm donor or gay and lesbian singles or couples who have made co-parenting arrangements.

The piece would be sensitive and non-sensationalist, highlighting the growing number of people who realise their dream of starting a family using alternative means.

The Times would like to speak with anyone interested, as soon as possible.
Please contact Pride Angel for further information contact us

Pride Angel will be exhibiting at the Alternative Families Show and we are happy to help answer any questions you may have regarding:

Choosing to use a known donor
Co-parenting arrangements
Health screening
Fertility law
Home insemination

We look forward to seeing you there. Pride Angel

To read more go to http://bit.ly/9GlgwM