US gay marriage and adoption trial tries to overturn ban

Detroit — Testimony continued Wednesday in the federal trial on a lawsuit seeking to overturn Michigan’s bans on adoption for same-sex couples and gay marriage. This week, attorneys for the state of Michigan, defending the state’s bans on same-sex adoption and marriage presented testimony from their experts who so far have maintained that children raised by heterosexual parents experienced better outcomes. The lawsuit was brought by plaintiffs April DeBoer and Jayne Rowse, two nurses from Hazel Park who hope to adopt each other’s adoptive children and legally marry. Testifying Wednesday, Louisiana State University family studies professor Loren Marks, criticized a 2005 American Psychological Association study that found there was no difference in the outcomes of children raised by heterosexual or gay and lesbian parents. That study has been cited by witnesses for the plaintiffs in the lawsuit brought by DeBoer and Rowse. Marks denounced the APA’s stance on same-sex families, saying the research it based the policy on was not complete and in some instances flawed. Marks said he analyzed the 59 cases the APA studied before taking its position. “I was struck by the strength of the language used in the claims,” said Marks, who published his analysis in the Social Science Research journal two years ago. “Not a single study seemed strong to me. I found the language strong and lacking caveat.” Marks said the studies lacked racial diversity and did not include enough gay men. He said the sample size was too small. Experts for the plaintiffs, such as Stanford University Michael Rosenfeld, have testified that children raised in same-sex couple households do just as well as children raised in other households. Testimony is expected to wrap up Thursday and closing arguments are expected to be done Friday. Article: 5th March 2014 www.detroitnews.com

Best friends became brothers in our new gay family

Some of those fighting marriage equality these days, want you to believe that there is only a single possible right way to create a “real” family. The way they suggest is by means of unprotected, unplanned, procreative sex. Or, as Nan Hunter observes, “accidental procreation” which then warrants 1500 protections and benefits by means of a “bribe (for) heterosexuals “ to get married. Only the biologically created family deserves marriage, they argue, and all the rewards to stay together. The notion is insulting and absurd, not only for same sex coupled families, but for opposite sex families as well. Real families come together in a variety of ways, the best of which is when all the members love each other and deeply desire a lifetime bond. That is what happened in my family. My partner and I had pursued various options to expanding our family beyond the two of us. We explored surrogacy, and we explored private adoption. All potential routes to family have pitfalls. As we were going through our evaluation process, I remember discussing the options with a total stranger at an airport. She saw me pouring through literature and shared stories of her numerous miscarriage heartbreaks on her way to having a family. “Whichever way you choose, just know it can be hard, but it will be OK and worth it,” she stated as we said goodbye. My partner and I ultimately chose fostercare/adoption. Having come from recovery experiences ourselves, it was a great fit. We understood the situations of the birthparents without judgment, and we understood the real need of the children as well as the obstacles they might face. We committed, trained and waited for the call for a placement. We got numerous calls for toddlers on temporary care. Those were great experiences. Then, we got a call about a newborn baby, born six weeks prematurely to a heroin addicted mother. He weighted 4 lbs, and had heroin exposure himself. He was to be ours for the foreseeable future. I carried him on a sling on my chest for the next few months. We had to make sure he got a sufficient amount of nourishment in each feeding to avoid brain damage as we went through the process of supporting his birth parents through possible reunification. When those efforts failed, we went on to full adoption. We named the baby, now ours, Jason. As Jason passed his one year birthday, we opened up our home for the potential of adding a sibling. We got a placement. She was a beautiful baby girl, and she looked just like Jason did when he was a newborn. We had warm feelings to keep her, but were equally enthused that her birth mother was responding well to the recovery program. We supported that momentum and looked forward to a safe mother and daughter reunion. Meanwhile, good friends of ours, another foster family, had a 10 month old little boy placed with them. He had been discovered abandoned in a trailer. My partner often did play dates with them, and the little boy in their care and our son Jason became very close and attached. They seemed to speak a common language, playing well together. My partner called me at work one day, “You have to come see this little boy and how he and Jason are. I told the other family that if anything was a problem with their placement, to let us know and we would love to take him.” I was alright with this, but a little guarded as our plan had been to have a boy and a girl—not two boys. Plans change and life takes over. When I got home that evening, the play date was still going on. I will never forget the moment that I first saw Jesse. He was crawling around the corner headed toward the dishwasher as I was headed the other way… and we locked eyes. It was one of the most profound moments of my life. Here I was with direct eye contact with this toddler and the look between us said it all… “Hi Dad, I am your son. Hi Jesse, I am going to be your Dad.” A week later, it happened. The fostermom called and asked if we were serious about our offer. It turns out that her family had to move into very tight quarters temporarily and she was much better equipped to care for the baby we were nursing, than Jesse, the rough and tumble toddler . So, we called the authorities, and made the switch. Jason and Jesse, new best friends, were now on the way to potentially becoming brothers. I was worried however, being the working Dad, that I might not get to bond with Jesse as I had with Jason. I did not get to carry him on me for months, and saw him in the mornings before I left for work, and in time for a kiss goodnight when I returned. He was exposed to my partner, other fostercare providers and others more than he was seeing me. I wish I could say that road to brotherhood was trouble free. It was not. Jesse was still on a unification plan with a birth parent, and it looked like things in that regard might be successful, until one horrible weekend. Jesse came back from an overnight visit battered and bruised. We called the social worker immediately and the reunification attempts were closed. I slept by his crib for the next two weeks, and although he was normally a through-the –night sleeper, he awoke nightly screaming and crying. Controlling my own anger and pain, I grabbed him and held him, as nightly the reaction grew less and less until he was again able to sleep through the night. I don’t know if being there for him in that way was the factor, but our bonding was not an issue. As he has grown, we are lock step and almost able to read each other’s minds. As I look at my sons, I am filled with the awareness of a love for each that I could never fathom in my wildest imagination previously. The love I have for each is unique, each powerful in its own right, but its own “color” if you will. Jason is the son of my heart, Jesse is the son of my soul. Today they act as twins. Since he is physically bigger, they have decided that Jesse is the “big brother”. Since he was born four months earlier, Jason has been dubbed, by mutual consent, as the “older brother”. We do not have a “little brother” in the family. That is how two little best friends became brothers. It is how my gay family came together. We have a unique story, but we are not unique. All same-gendered parent families have a story. While my friend at the airport was right, “all ways can be hard”, all ways can also be miraculous, loving and intensely wonderful. How our families come together is being judged today, and in the next few months. It will be judged by the US Supreme Court. Our families are likely to be judged long after that as well, no matter what the results. And, no matter what the judgments on our value, I will always know the truth. I know how thoroughly REAL we are. I live it and I have seen it. I saw it as I looked into a little boy’s eyes for the first time in front of a dishwasher. Article: 15th January 2014 www.goodmenproject.com

Children of gay families can help win the fight for gay marriage

Braiden Neubecker was sitting on the bed and her dad was shaving at the sink as the president made his historic remarks about gay marriage during his second inaugural address. President Barack Obama talked about "our gay brothers and sisters," and declared "if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well." In the kitchen after the address with her dads, David and Lee Neubecker, Braiden, who is 10, had a question. "Aren't you guys married?" she asked, confused. Her dads, in fact, were married -- in a service in California, but the marriage was nullified in 2004 after the state's Supreme Court declared all marriages performed from February to March that year invalid. "I don't think she realized before that gays and lesbians couldn't marry," David Neubecker recalled in a recent phone interview with his daughter and The Huffington Post. "I got upset," she agreed, singing into the phone, "everybody should be treated equally." Plus, she continued to her father, "it's safer to be married because when you guys aren't married it's easier to break up and split apart." Braiden is now one of a number of children, many of them raised by gay or lesbian parents, who have stepped into the spotlight to directly address the courts and public as part of a debate in which they have long been central figures, but have rarely taken part. A week after Obama's address the Neubeckers started talking again about the speech and the laws that prevented Braiden's dads, who live in a suburb of Chicago, from getting married. Braiden had so much to say that David encouraged her to get out her journal and write it down. A couple of drafts later, a letter written by Braiden was included in an amicus brief to the U.S. Supreme Court in time for the court's two landmark cases on gay marriage in March. The amicus brief was from Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), meant to show how the families of same-sex parents are affected when they are not allowed to marry. For decades, those opposed to legalizing same-sex marriage have argued that they might somehow harm the children same-sex couples raise or adopt. In court in March, Justice Antonin Scalia, arguably the court member most staunchly opposed to gay rights, offered "one concrete thing" about legalizing same-sex marriage that could harm society. "If you redefine marriage to include same-sex couples … you must permit adoption by same-sex couples," he said in the hearing to determine whether Proposition 8, California's law banning same-sex marriage, was constitutional. "And there's considerable disagreement among … sociologists as to what the consequences of raising a child in a … single-sex family, whether that is harmful to the child or not." But Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg pointed out that California gay couples already can legally adopt children. Sociologists, child welfare experts and pediatricians have argued that those raised by same-sex couples do just as well as their counterparts raised in heterosexual households. "Its very surprising in many ways how uniform he results of the research have been," said Charlotte J. Patterson, a psychology professor at the University of Virginia, who has been researching child development in same-sex households for more than 20 years. "What we've found is that what's important is not the sexual orientation of the parents but rather the resources the parents can offer the kids and the quality of relationships with their children, and of course that's true for gay and straight parents." Read more... Article: 13th April 2013 www.huffingtonpost.com

Gay couple from Israel start YouTube plea to help create family

A gay couple in Israel have started a campaign, asking for help to start a family after spending their entire savings on several failed surrogacy and adoption attempts, as Israel forbids surrogacy for gay couples. The gay mobile app Grindr has pledged a weeks worth of revenue towards the couple’s campaign, through its charitable arm Grindr for Equality. The couple are now seeking to find a surrogate in the US. As well as donating revenue to Grindr for Equality, the app will also feature an advert which will encourages others to donate money towards the efforts of couple Yuval and Liran. The couple posted the YouTube video asking for help after several failed attempts at surrogacy abroad, and after being declined for adoption through several channels. In the video they say they feel “castrated” by the law in Israel which does not allow surrogacy for gay couples, and tell their story about spending their entire savings, over $120,000 (£78,000) on the attempts. Their campaign asks supporters to post photographs of themselves with the message: “We want them to have a baby too”. Joan Rivers is among those who have already shown support for the campaign. Grindr will donate a week’s worth of revenue made from the sale of its paid version Grindr Xtra, towards the campaign. Joel Simkhai, CEO and founder of Grindr said: “I read about Yuval and Liran’s emotional personal story and was impressed by their creativity in pursuing their dream of fatherhood, and their persistence, recruiting international celebrities such as Joan Rivers, to help raise awareness that in so many parts of the world the joy of parenthood and other aspects of family are still not available to gays who are not equals in the eye of the law. Yuval and Liran are now pursuing surrogacy in America, aided by the LGBT Jewish organisation A Wider Bridge Article: 10th April 2013 www.pinknews.co.uk Read more about gay parenting at www.prideangel.com

Children in gay adoption are at no disadvantage study shows

Recent Study shows children adopted by lesbian and gay couples are at no disadvantage. Fears that children do less well in life are completely unfounded, according to the first study into how children and parents in non-traditional families fare compared with heterosexual households. The findings, from the University of Cambridge's Centre for Family Research, will be published in a report by the British Association of Adoption and Fostering tomorrow. Researchers found that gay and lesbian parents are at least as good at coping with the demands of parenting. Children do not suffer any disadvantage, and the vast majority are not bullied at school, but the report warns: "Bullying and teasing are much more of a problem in secondary schools than primary schools; thus, only follow-up will reveal how things turn out in the future." The experiences of 130 gay, lesbian and heterosexual adoptive families in Britain, with children aged four to eight, were examined – focusing on the quality of family relationships, how parents cope and how children adjust. The study concludes "there was no evidence" to support speculation that children's masculine or feminine tendencies are affected by having gay or lesbian parents. Family life and the quality of relationships are very similar for children regardless of their parents' sexual orientation, it says. Professor Susan Golombok, director of the Cambridge centre and report co-author, said: "What I don't like is when people make assumptions that a certain type of family, such as gay fathers, will be bad for children. The anxieties about the potentially negative effects for children of being placed with gay fathers seem to be, from our study, unfounded." Gay men are less likely to have depression, anxiety, stress and relationship problems while coping with parenthood. One reason cited is that "same-sex couples were much less likely to have experienced infertility on their route to parenthood and were more likely to come to adoption as their first choice". In addition, "gay fathers, in particular, are extremely committed to parenting". The former TV presenter Phil Reay-Smith, who has an adopted son, said: "I'm not at all surprised that gay couples have been found to be just as good adopters as straight adopters are. I look at my own family, which is me, my husband, Michael, and our son, Scott, who is six, and we just have a very boring family life. We haven't had any problems in the playground yet. My main concern is perhaps what happens at secondary school, but my belief is that if we educate him to have the confidence in himself about his family situation, he'll be able to deal with anything that does crop up." The issue of children being brought up by same-sex parents divides opinion. Welsh Secretary David Jones was condemned last month after claiming that gay couples "clearly" could not provide a "warm and safe environment for the upbringing of children". He has since said he is not opposed to same-sex adopters. More lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people should come forward, said Sir Martin Narey, the Government's adoption adviser. Speaking on the eve of LGBT adoption and fostering week, he said: "I have seen how LGBT people, who tend to come to adoption as their first choice for becoming parents, bring determination and enthusiasm to it. Many more gay adopters need to be encouraged to come forward." Article: 3rd March 2013 www.independent.co.uk

Gay and lesbian in UK urged to consider adoption or fostering

Gay and lesbian people are being urged to learn more about adoption and fostering as part of the LGBT Adoption and Fostering Week . The event runs between Monday 4 March – Sunday 10 March – and is organised by New Family Social, the charity run by LGBT adopters and foster carers for families and families-to-be. The British Association of Adoption and Fostering (BAAF) says an estimated 4,000 children need adopting every year, with the Fostering Network stating that around 9,000 extra foster carers are needed to bridge the shortfall for children currently in care. However, experts say this could be done if just two percent of LGBT people came forward to foster or adopt. LGBT Adoption and Fostering Week is a series of events around the country aimed to educate prospective parents and carers about the processes involved and to let them hear from others in their area who have adopted or fostered children themselves. Action for Children is the week’s main sponsor, and the charity’s Director of Public Policy, Helen Donohoe, said: “From 140 years of working with the UK’s most vulnerable children, we know how important it is to find the best possible placement for each and every child in care – and we know that LGBT people often come to adoption or fostering as the first choice for expanding their family, bringing love, real enthusiasm and resourcefulness. “Throughout LGBT Adoption and Fostering Week, our friendly approachable staff will be on hand at events across the UK to answer questions and help potential parents take the first steps towards providing one of the thousands of children desperately in need with a stable, loving home.” Andy Leary-May, Director of New Family Social, added: “Some people are still put off by fears that they won’t be welcomed by agencies, but things are changing. In our group we have huge and diverse range of families, including plenty of parents who are single, or in their fifties. It’s clear to see how well our children are doing, and what a positive and rewarding choice fostering and adoption can be”. LGBT Adoption and Fostering Week runs from Monday 4 March – Sunday 10 March For information and to find an event nearby, visit lgbtadoptfosterweek.org.uk Article: 14th February 2013 www.pinknews.co.uk

New iPad/iPhone App helps Navigate the Adoption Process

The Adoption App was created by Sharon Simons, an Adoptive Mom who, after successfully navigating the rigors and challenges of the adoption process, decided to craft an app to make the adoption process much easier for others. This comprehensive, yet easy to use iPad/iPhone application, is a practical working guide – a step-by-step roadmap - to lead you through the many steps & tasks that need to be complete before your Domestic or International Adoption can be approved. The Adoption App: - Offers detailed information & documentation on the Home Study Process for both Domestic and International Adoption - Helps organize the process with detailed checklists of tasks and documentation that needs to be completed - Documentation for Domestic and International Adoptions that you are able to email to yourself through the app, download it to your computer, print, & fill out each document - Identifies and offer quick access to a myriad of adoption resources - Contains a calendar that syncs with your existing calendar to keep you on time for all of your adoption related meetings & appointments - Links to articles & success stories on adoption, motherhood & more - A Share your Story with us feature which allows you to participate in the Mom at Last Community Website - And much more. In 2012 alone, Americans adopted 11,059 children through the use of International Adoptions. Domestic Adoptions totaled in the hundreds of thousands, and these numbers are growing every day. The Adoption App was developed by Sharon Simons. The Adoption App can be viewed and used on all iPads/iPhones including the New iPhone 5. The program lists for $4.99 and is available at the Apple Store. Link: www.itunes.com/apps/theadoptionapp For more information visit www.theadoptionapp.com or Sharon Simons Mom At Last website at www.momatlast.com About the Creator At the age of 39, Sharon Simons fell in love, got married, and tried to have children naturally, but she was unsuccessful in her attempts. She underwent three in vitro fertilization procedures, experienced the elation of pregnancy, the devastation of a late term miscarriage, and suffered an ectopic pregnancy. Sharon and her husband decided to adopt and successfully navigated the emotionally fraught waters of International Adoption to bring home two precious little boys. Her story is the subject of the upcoming book titled Mom At Last. Article: 16th October 2012 www.momatlast.com

National Adoption Week: have you ever considered adopting a child?

Today is the start of National Adoption Week – Have you ever considering adopting a child? Thousands of children are taken into care every year. Of these many are never lucky enough to become part of a secure loving long-term family. This important week reminds us there are kids out there waiting to be taken in by someone who will make them part of their own family and give them the ‘forever home’ they are longing for.

If you have ever considered the option of adopting, you need to be over 21, patient, and dedicated to offering someone lifelong love and support. It's a huge responsibility, but one that comes with great rewards. For more information about the adoption process click here.

The campaign also asks adopted people over 18 and parents of adopted children to come forward and help out. Possible activities include writing to your local newspaper; putting up posters; writing an adoption blog; doing your own fundraising challenge, or rounding up loved ones to talk them about your individual experiences with adoption. For more information on how you can help, go to the National Adoption Week website for more information.

Also in celebration of National Adoption Week 2011 they are encouraging anyone who is over 18 and has a connection with adoption to enter a short film. It has to be creative and inspiring – you don’t have to own professional equipment to take part, it could even be filmed on a mobile phone. None of that matters – all that matters is that it stands out and fulfils the aims. Once the winner is announced the winner will be awarded in London. Click here for competition details.

If adoption isn’t for you, have you ever considered having a family through co-parenting or using a known sperm or egg donor? Visit www.prideangel.com for more information

Happy Father's Day to all dads, single, gay, co-parents or donors

Happy father’s day to all the dads out there, be it biological, non-biological, co-parents or donors who may be known as ‘Dad’.
Whatever role you play in a child’s life, today is the day to remember and celebrate. Some children may have two dads; other families may not have a dad in their lives. Father’s day can be a great opportunity to celebrate the other father figures in your child’s life, be it an uncle or grandfather.

Maybe you are not a dad yet, but have thought about the options. In Los Angeles, Father’s day is used to highlight and encourage gay and lesbian couples to consider fostering or adoption. Maybe you want to be a full time dad through surrogacy, a part-time dad by being a co-parent or a ‘dad’ without all the responsibility by being a sperm donor

The children we fostered didn't care if we were gay or straight

Six years ago, DAVE THOMAS and his partner decided to become foster parents – but as a gay couple, they faced and uphill struggle. Here, he recalls the obstacles they overcame to provide a family for children in need

WE FIRST thought about fostering six years ago. Patrick and I wanted children, but gay couples in Ireland aren’t allowed to adopt, which seemed unfair. So we discussed fostering, which is allowed.

It would be another two years before we would apply. In that time, we wondered whether we would be able to cope with the challenging behaviour of a damaged child. How would it affect our private lives? Would people talk about us in a negative way?

To foster in Ireland, you apply either to the HSE or a private fostering company. We chose the private company, which had a comprehensive list of support services. A social worker visited and explained that the intensive assessment could take months.

If you had any skeletons in your closet, she warned, they would emerge. We had no concerns on that score, and waited excitedly for the letter of acceptance from the company. When it arrived, it was a rejection.

A representative explained that, while we were “excellent candidates to foster”, the company was rejecting us because I had not told my parents I was gay. They accepted that my elderly parents already knew, but they still wanted me to tell them.

Unless that happened, our application would go no further. We asked the company whether they had insisted that heterosexual couples tell their parents they were straight. They hadn’t.

We wrote suggesting they were discriminating against us. When the company director visited, we told him we would pursue legal action. A week later, our application was processed.

To read more go to

Gay and lesbian couples now allowed to adopt in New South Wales

Gay and lesbian couples are finally allowed to adopt in New South Wales, Australia, after it was first proposed 10 years ago by MP Clover Moore.
The bill to allow same-sex couples to adopt in New South Wales, Australia, has narrowly passed in the lower house.

It passed a vote 46-44 last week, and after amendments were made, passed 45-43.

The bill was introduced by independent MP Clover Moore, who agreed yesterday to insert a clause allowing faith-based adoption agencies to discriminate against gay couples.

Another amendment was added today to allow birth parents the right to state their preference that their children are not adopted by gay couples without breaching anti-discrimination laws.

Church groups welcomed the amendments, saying they were necessary to prevent people and organisations being sued for expressing their beliefs.

However, gay rights groups in the state have said they are concerned that the gay community is not being vocal enough in supporting the laws and has urged people to write to their MPs.

To read more go to

Fathers day for Two Dads

Do you ever wonder what father’s day is like in a house with two dads? In a home with gay parents raising children, the emphasis is on Father’s day being about ‘Fathers’ or parents rather than on an individual.
Father’s day in a house with two dads can be an extra special event. The only challenge however, is that when you are celebrating both of your dads on the same day, then father’s day doesn’t actually celebrate either parent as an individual. Instead of being about one parent it is about both parents which makes it more of a family day.

Other challenges which differ in a house with two dads include: which adult does the organising if the children aren’t old enough themselves? How do you make sure both parents feel equally important? How does special attention between parents get divided? For example who makes breakfast in bed if the children aren’t old enough to do it by themselves?

To read more go to http://bit.ly/bdYYEY