Choosing your sperm donor as a lesbian couple

For some couples the decision is easy, and the choice of a donor obvious, for others knowing your own standpoint on this or agreeing with your partner is harder. For some couples basic characteristics such as height, hair and eye colour are essential. For some couples meeting the donor in person is a very important step in being able to decide for the right donor or even co-parent. For some couples the wish for involvement from the donor is critical and the level of wanted involvement also varies greatly among couples. Common for all British lesbian couples though, is that the donor cannot be completely anonymous, as law prohibits this. The law from April 2005 was enforced, because it was believed that every child has a right to know its genetic background. How this influences couples' choices of a donor, is what greatly interests me. Looking for couples to interview My name is Siff Groth and my own thoughts on starting a family with my partner, has made me passionate about working with this subject in an academic way. I am a Danish student of Social Anthropology, and am currently in Brighton to do a five month long fieldwork, ending by the end of June. I meet with lesbian parents and parents-to-be and listen to their stories and hereby learn about how couples start their family and decide on the right donor for them. If you and your partner are in the process of choosing a donor or have already had your child, if you are located in the Sussex area, UK, and would like to share with me your experiences, it will be very much appreciated and I will look forward to listen your story! Feel free to contact me at frk.groth@gmail.com, also for any questions regarding the study. Article: 13th April 2013 by Sith, Student of Anthropology Find your sperm donor at www.prideangel.com

Janis Hetherington: 'There are a lot of gay families out there'

Janis Hetherington sits with her back erect on a pink chaise, in a pink room. We are in the understated grandeur of her 17th-century longhouse in a sleepy town in Oxfordshire, which she shares with her long-term partner, Barbara. Her grey hair is wound in a tight plait and pinned to her head. With wide trousers, waistcoat, jaunty cravat and a hanky in her pocket she resembles a country gent about to go hunting. More than 40 years ago, Janis was the first lesbian in the UK to undergo artificial insemination. For anyone else that might have been a daunting decision, fraught with fear of the potential repercussions and prejudice, but for Janis it was only one of several controversial decisions that have characterised her life. Age hasn't calmed her wild ways; at 66, she's still a massive flirt. "If I were 20 years younger!" she cackles, patting my knee, with a Cheshire cat grin and saucer-wide eyes. To say Janis has a high sex drive is an understatement. In her youth, she was, "totally addicted to, if you like, sex. It was bliss." She says it with a Miranda-style primness, all Patricia Hodge plummy tones – but there's a Carry On whimsy to her saucy life story. As a teenager, Janis was determined to explore her sexuality and she took a 25-year-old lover when she was just 15. "A lot of people would say she should be arrested," she says. "That's absolute rubbish. I mean, I was the one seducing her!" At 16, she travelled to France, where she was recruited into a brothel and at just 18 moved back to London to start up a sex business of her own. During that time she was raped and became pregnant, but at seven months, she miscarried. By the age of 25, Janis felt she had "done everything" and the lifestyle had begun to wear her down; "it wasn't all a bed of roses" she says despondently. She began to long for stability, a partner – and a baby. "She was scared and exhausted and she also felt trapped. She had this great, glamorous life but what she really needed was someone to love her for who she really was," says Nick, Janis's son. Now 41, Nick is married, living in New York and is working on the screenplay of his mother's life. He's had uncomfortable conversations that a son might not normally have with his mother, but it's helped him to understand her. "I've become almost her biographer," he says. In 1971, aged 25, Janis met Judy. Ten days later, they left London for Bicester, Oxfordshire, bringing Judy's five-year-old daughter, Lisa, with them. They settled down, ran a dress shop together and got involved in the local women's football team. They quickly decided to have a child. The fertility doctor actually donated his own sperm for the insemination. "Whether it was fresh sperm or frozen I don't know ... but he disappeared with his assistant nurse who was quite pretty and he came back looking quite happy," says Janis with a giggle. It was the 1970s and artificial insemination was virtually unheard of, but the community in Bicester was very supportive. "They were all looking forward to it. I used to go hunting with the guys and they would say, 'we'll set her with our spray' – they had this spray they used on the sows to set the sperm, but I said, 'you're not getting into my knickers thank you very much!'" Nine months after Nick was born, Judy died of a heart attack, age 30. "I knew she was dying, because I could hear it – the death rattle, eyes sightless... we got her up on the bed and [a medic friend] started to resuscitate her... you could see her body filling with air... I just knew she was dead. I looked out the window and I felt her go past me and somehow I knew she was gone." The attendant doctor refused to acknowledge Janis as the next of kin. "I said for fuck's sake, she's dead. She's my lover. That's my child we've had together. If you don't believe me get the fucking police." A battle for custody of Lisa quickly ensued and lasted two years in which Janis had no time to grieve. "I was angry, absolutely angry. It was almost as if I had evolved as a butterfly and I was going back to being a caterpillar. I had nothing. I had no rights." "I think in some ways Mummy never got over Judy's death and that was incredibly hard," says Nick. When Nick was two, Janis and Barbara became an item. "We were trying to find out who we were to each other and it was very difficult for Lisa, who had lost her mum... [Janis] is not the easiest mum to have, not because of her sexuality, but because of who she was ... but you strip away the layers and realise she is extremely vulnerable." Janis and Barbara were always open with the children about how Nick had been conceived, although he wasn't fully aware of the life Janis had before he was born. Growing up, Lisa was lavished with presents and both children had a liberal upbringing. Aside from a brief experimental fling at 16 with a man, Nick is straight and thoroughly conventional – although he says this was partly due to the pressure he felt to prove to the world he was normal. He is still close to both Barbara and Janis (whom he calls "Mummy and Mummy"), but Lisa moved to Australia to start a family and has just become a grandmother for the first time. Lisa doesn't speak to Janis or Barbara – although she and Nick often talk. Janis is surprised there are still challenges to be met regarding sexuality today. "I can't understand why people are making such an issue about gay marriage and gay families now. Did they just think it would go away? I do feel totally in a time warp. It's like I am Doctor Who in that bloody telephone box and everything I represented 40 years ago – people have suddenly started to realise it. Why has it taken all this time?" The issue of lesbian insemination has come to the forefront of the news agenda recently, as same-sex couples will be included in the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence guidelines on IVF treatment for the first time. The guidelines state those hoping to start a family should be treated according to the same criteria as heterosexual couples. "'Alternative families' is almost a derogatory name," says Janis, "but now mainstream media are talking about them, perhaps Britain will wake up to the fact there are gay families out there. Besides, the story is not about me any more, the story is about my son, ask him." I do: "It doesn't matter what sort of environment you grow up in, straight, bi or transgender, but that family has to be strong and if it's not strong it will be shitty and, certainly growing up, ours was not strong." Despite those early hurdles, Nick says they are now close. "I now have that unity [with my mother] and my sister has found that unity with her own family." Janis says although the process of telling Nick her life story was "excruciating" she trusted him not to reject her, and he, in turn, felt it explained a lot. "I probably know more about her than anyone else on the planet. There were always a lot of holes that I couldn't figure out. I felt more filled out, more complete when I found out, because it's part of you, isn't it? And all those things you were mad about you sort of go, 'Ah, OK,' and she stops being your mum, in a way, and she is just a human." 'Love Lies Bleeding: Memoirs of a Sexual Revolutionary' by Janis Hetherington is available from Amazon Article: 11th March 2013 www.independent.co.uk

Mothercare voucher competition winner | Two mums personal journey

When I met Caitlin in January 2010 I couldn’t help but fall for her. She was originally from Scotland and her charm and the way she made me feel so special and the only girl in the world was immense! She already had 2 sons, Brett and Ashton whom she had via a clinic by artificial insemination. This cost her a fortune but she wanted to be a mother so much. We became inseparable and moved in together in March 2010. The boys became like my own, they didn’t get on with Caitlin’s ex and their father was an anonymous donor. They called me mum from months into us all living together. In August 2011 we had our civil ceremony with our closest family and friends...I felt the happiest girl alive! Thinking back I had an extreme urge to have a baby of my own from around October 2011. The feeling was so strong and I told Caitlin that it was time to look at the options available to us. We found the Pride Angel site in December 2011 and spent hours trawling the sperm donors on the site and looking at information about how to do 'home insemination'. Caitlin had always found the insemination at the clinic too 'clinical' so we decided to try ourselves. We found an ideal sperm donor and after a few messages back and forth decided that we really wanted him to help us. I felt uncertain about meeting our potential donor but Caitlin arranged to meet him to find out more. He was a kind, caring and genuine man. His sister had problems conceiving and therefore he wanted to help those people who can’t have children themselves. He told us to let him know as soon as we knew when I was ovulating and we could arrange to meet him for the sperm donation. I bought the deluxe home insemination kit, we did a few tests runs before the big day. I used ovulation sticks to monitor my most fertile days and it was whilst we were away at a family resort (on our last day there luckily!) that we got the smiley face and I was ovulating! We contacted our donor straight away and arranged to collect the sample. That evening we used the speculum, syringe and syringe extenders. We bought a special lubricant which helped the sperm live longer and move quicker. It was so tense at first, we couldn’t quite believe how far we had come since we first met. We managed to relax in the comfort of our own home, surrounded by candles and a few cheeky drinks :) After the insemination I lay with my bottom in the air against the wall for 20 minutes. I climaxed twice, legs still up the wall. (this is advised as gentle contractions in your uterus can help the sperm along into the cervix) The 2 week wait was horrendous. I went through a rollercoaster of emotions... sad, angry, excited, worried... On the day of my due period Caitlin was worried about me, we were both so stressed and just needed to know the outcome. So... we did a test. There was one dark line across the test instantly and we needed a vertical line for a positive. Caitlin wouldn’t let me see it until the full 3 minutes was up! As we uncovered the test after 3 minutes Caitlin had a massive grin across her face. She had snuck a peek just before. There was a line making a cross = positive. We could not believe it. After one attempt we were pregnant!! I screamed my head off and Brett and Ashton rushed in, we told them and tears streamed down their faces. I could barely breathe and couldn’t believe it. The day after we did further tests just to make sure...all positive. I am now 4 weeks pregnant and couldn’t be happier. We are already buying baby stuff and making plans for our new arrival! We would always recommend the Pride Angel insemination kits. We believe the syringe extenders were vital in getting the sperm in exactly the right place. Thank you Pride Angel!! We will keep you updated on the progress of our baby bean. Winning article: by Rachel and Caitlin 15th July 2012

Lesbian couple from Australia conceive quintuplets, that's five babies

Two Australian women living together have spoken of their joy after revealing they are expecting quintuplets together. Melissa Keevers, 27, and her partner Rosemary Nolan, 21, who already share a child born to Melissa through donor insemination, were stunned to Melissa was carrying five babies at odds of one in sixty million.
'I was in shock for weeks,' Melissa told Australia's Woman's Day magazine.

'It took me a long time to get my head around what was happening. But now I've come to terms with it, I'm excited.' While conceiving quintuplets is rare, Melissa's babies are even more remarkable because she had no treatment to increase her fertility.

'During the scan the doctor asked us if we wanted the news, but as he looked pale, we were worried something was wrong,' Melissa told the magazine.

'He then told us he'd found five gestational sacs meaning, if all went well, we'd have five babies. We can't repeat what we said next!' The two women, who live in Brisbane, decided to use the same U.S. company and the same donor as the person who fathered their daughter, Lilly, now aged one.

They had been given 30 donor profiles to choose from and in the end they narrowed the person down to a 27-year-old dark-haired law student with good teeth and eyesight and a high IQ, although his identity remains a secret.

Rosemary, who is from Ireland, had left home in 2008 and was travelling around Australia, having fun, when she met Melissa and settled down with her.

When Melissa became pregnant with Lilly they decided to travel to Ireland so that Rosemary could tell her family that she was gay.

To read more got to