Six years ago, DAVE THOMAS and his partner decided to become foster parents – but as a gay couple, they faced and uphill struggle. Here, he recalls the obstacles they overcame to provide a family for children in need
WE FIRST thought about fostering six years ago. Patrick and I wanted children, but gay couples in Ireland aren’t allowed to adopt, which seemed unfair. So we discussed fostering, which is allowed.
It would be another two years before we would apply. In that time, we wondered whether we would be able to cope with the challenging behaviour of a damaged child. How would it affect our private lives? Would people talk about us in a negative way?
To foster in Ireland, you apply either to the HSE or a private fostering company. We chose the private company, which had a comprehensive list of support services. A social worker visited and explained that the intensive assessment could take months.
If you had any skeletons in your closet, she warned, they would emerge. We had no concerns on that score, and waited excitedly for the letter of acceptance from the company. When it arrived, it was a rejection.
A representative explained that, while we were “excellent candidates to foster”, the company was rejecting us because I had not told my parents I was gay. They accepted that my elderly parents already knew, but they still wanted me to tell them.
Unless that happened, our application would go no further. We asked the company whether they had insisted that heterosexual couples tell their parents they were straight. They hadn’t.
We wrote suggesting they were discriminating against us. When the company director visited, we told him we would pursue legal action. A week later, our application was processed.
To read more go to
Thursday, 31 March 2011
Sunday, 27 March 2011
Gay and lesbian couples in France don't have equal family rights
Gay couples in France are resorting to drastic measures to have children, according to campaigners.
Couples were resorting to costly and legally precarious methods, said Philippe Rollandin, spokesman for APGL, the largest association representing homosexual parents in France.
Campaigners are also unhappy that the children of homosexual couples have less protection than the offspring of heterosexual pairs if one parent dies or the couple separates.
"Homosexual couples are becoming more dismayed and angry about this clear discrimination in France, particularly as we are seeing the situation changing so clearly in Europe," he said.
Unlike in the UK, where gay parents have equal rights over their child, in France only one – the biological or adoptive parent – has automatic parental rights, said Caroline Mecary, a specialist gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights lawyer.
This means the non-biological parent cannot make emergency health decisions, travel alone with the children or pass on their inheritance. Crucially, if the officially recognised parent dies, the child is, in legal terms, an orphan in the eyes of the state.
"One half of the couple has no legitimacy in the eyes of the law, which is bad for the parents but even worse for the children," she said. "They are left in a legal no-man's land."
Rollandin said a ban on gay couples adopting had resulted in a generation of "Thalys babies", named after the high-speed train line between France and Belgium, where women can legally obtain artificial insemination. The APGL estimates that about 70% of lesbian couples with children used artificial insemination, which can cost between €1,000 (£880) to €3,000 (£2,600) in Belgium and up to €€6,000 in Spain.
Male couples were increasingly resorting to paying surrogate mothers to have children, said Rollandin. About half use this method, costing up to €120,000. Lesbian and gay couples are also using matchmaking websites to meet other couples or donors in order to have children.
To read more go to http://bit.ly/ezAAXv
Couples were resorting to costly and legally precarious methods, said Philippe Rollandin, spokesman for APGL, the largest association representing homosexual parents in France.
Campaigners are also unhappy that the children of homosexual couples have less protection than the offspring of heterosexual pairs if one parent dies or the couple separates.
"Homosexual couples are becoming more dismayed and angry about this clear discrimination in France, particularly as we are seeing the situation changing so clearly in Europe," he said.
Unlike in the UK, where gay parents have equal rights over their child, in France only one – the biological or adoptive parent – has automatic parental rights, said Caroline Mecary, a specialist gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights lawyer.
This means the non-biological parent cannot make emergency health decisions, travel alone with the children or pass on their inheritance. Crucially, if the officially recognised parent dies, the child is, in legal terms, an orphan in the eyes of the state.
"One half of the couple has no legitimacy in the eyes of the law, which is bad for the parents but even worse for the children," she said. "They are left in a legal no-man's land."
Rollandin said a ban on gay couples adopting had resulted in a generation of "Thalys babies", named after the high-speed train line between France and Belgium, where women can legally obtain artificial insemination. The APGL estimates that about 70% of lesbian couples with children used artificial insemination, which can cost between €1,000 (£880) to €3,000 (£2,600) in Belgium and up to €€6,000 in Spain.
Male couples were increasingly resorting to paying surrogate mothers to have children, said Rollandin. About half use this method, costing up to €120,000. Lesbian and gay couples are also using matchmaking websites to meet other couples or donors in order to have children.
To read more go to http://bit.ly/ezAAXv
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Genetic attraction between parents and children who have never met
An article in Yahoo today describes a woman who tracked down her long-lost father in the US who is now pregnant with his child. This highlights the concern of genetic attraction between parent and child who have never previously met, because of adoption or sperm and egg donation.
Garry Ryan, 46, was tracked down by his daughter Penny Lawrence, 28, last year. He had left Ms Lawrence's mother when she was pregnant, so father and daughter had never met.
Following the death of her mother and the grandparents who raised her, Ms Lawrence, from Los Angeles, became obsessed with finding her father, and tracked him down to Houston, Texas.
Upon meeting, they felt an instant physical attraction, which resulted in a sexual relationship. Ms Lawrence is now pregnant with her father's child.
The couple claim that their attraction is the result of something called Genetic Sexual Attraction, a term coined in the 1980s to describe overwhelming feelings between blood relatives who first meet as adults.
Speaking with The Irish Sun newspaper, Ms Lancaster said: "We are not committing incest, but are victims of GSA. We’ve never experienced a father-daughter relationship, so we’re just like any other strangers who meet in adulthood." The couple said that if the three month scan of their baby shows it does not have birth defects, they plan to keep the child and raise it together.
The couple are aware that their relationship is illegal, and are afraid the law will be used to separate them. In the US, a sexual relationship between close blood relatives is illegal, although the specifics of incest laws vary between states. A close blood relative usually includes father, mother, brother and sister, aunt, uncle, niece and nephew but may also extend to first cousins, step parents and step brothers and sisters.
Several theories surround the phenomenon of GSA, including the notion that humans are frequently attracted to faces similar to their own. It also embraces the theory that if two people who are genetically related do not meet until adulthood, the normal sexual aversion that develops between siblings during childhood is somehow switched off.
To read more go to
Garry Ryan, 46, was tracked down by his daughter Penny Lawrence, 28, last year. He had left Ms Lawrence's mother when she was pregnant, so father and daughter had never met.
Following the death of her mother and the grandparents who raised her, Ms Lawrence, from Los Angeles, became obsessed with finding her father, and tracked him down to Houston, Texas.
Upon meeting, they felt an instant physical attraction, which resulted in a sexual relationship. Ms Lawrence is now pregnant with her father's child.
The couple claim that their attraction is the result of something called Genetic Sexual Attraction, a term coined in the 1980s to describe overwhelming feelings between blood relatives who first meet as adults.
Speaking with The Irish Sun newspaper, Ms Lancaster said: "We are not committing incest, but are victims of GSA. We’ve never experienced a father-daughter relationship, so we’re just like any other strangers who meet in adulthood." The couple said that if the three month scan of their baby shows it does not have birth defects, they plan to keep the child and raise it together.
The couple are aware that their relationship is illegal, and are afraid the law will be used to separate them. In the US, a sexual relationship between close blood relatives is illegal, although the specifics of incest laws vary between states. A close blood relative usually includes father, mother, brother and sister, aunt, uncle, niece and nephew but may also extend to first cousins, step parents and step brothers and sisters.
Several theories surround the phenomenon of GSA, including the notion that humans are frequently attracted to faces similar to their own. It also embraces the theory that if two people who are genetically related do not meet until adulthood, the normal sexual aversion that develops between siblings during childhood is somehow switched off.
To read more go to
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
Mothers who drink in early pregnancy are more likely to have unruly children
“Mothers who drink in early pregnancy are ‘more likely to have unruly children’,” reported the Daily Mail. The newspaper says that a study has found a three-fold risk of antisocial behaviour among 16 year olds whose mothers drank as little as one alcoholic drink per day during early pregnancy.
The US study assessed the possible association between drinking during the first trimester of pregnancy and the risk of a psychiatric condition known as ‘conduct disorder’ in adolescents up to 16 years of age. The disorder can lead to a persistent, marked pattern of repetitive antisocial behaviour that is beyond simply being unruly.
Although the study found an association between conduct disorder and maternal pregnancy, it should be remembered that it is a relatively uncommon condition, and that only 67 adolescents (about 12% of the study population) had experienced it. Therefore further research is needed to reliably assess the influence of prenatal alcohol exposure on the risk of developing the condition.
Current advice is that women trying to conceive and pregnant women, particularly those in the first three months of pregnancy, should refrain from consuming alcohol altogether.
Where did the story come from?
The study was carried out by researchers from The University of Pittsburgh. It was funded by grants from the US National Institute of Alcohol and Alcoholism and the US National Institute of Drug Abuse.
The study was published in the peer-reviewed Journal of the American Academy Child Adolescent Psychiatry.
This research was covered by the Daily Mail, which reported that alcohol consumption during pregnancy was associated with “unruly behaviour”. It should be emphasised that Conduct Disorder is a specific psychiatric condition diagnosed by a persistent, marked pattern of repetitive antisocial behaviour. It is not clear from this study how alcohol consumption during pregnancy affects minor or short-term symptoms of unruly behaviour.
To read more go to http://bit.ly/es1tKD
The US study assessed the possible association between drinking during the first trimester of pregnancy and the risk of a psychiatric condition known as ‘conduct disorder’ in adolescents up to 16 years of age. The disorder can lead to a persistent, marked pattern of repetitive antisocial behaviour that is beyond simply being unruly.
Although the study found an association between conduct disorder and maternal pregnancy, it should be remembered that it is a relatively uncommon condition, and that only 67 adolescents (about 12% of the study population) had experienced it. Therefore further research is needed to reliably assess the influence of prenatal alcohol exposure on the risk of developing the condition.
Current advice is that women trying to conceive and pregnant women, particularly those in the first three months of pregnancy, should refrain from consuming alcohol altogether.
Where did the story come from?
The study was carried out by researchers from The University of Pittsburgh. It was funded by grants from the US National Institute of Alcohol and Alcoholism and the US National Institute of Drug Abuse.
The study was published in the peer-reviewed Journal of the American Academy Child Adolescent Psychiatry.
This research was covered by the Daily Mail, which reported that alcohol consumption during pregnancy was associated with “unruly behaviour”. It should be emphasised that Conduct Disorder is a specific psychiatric condition diagnosed by a persistent, marked pattern of repetitive antisocial behaviour. It is not clear from this study how alcohol consumption during pregnancy affects minor or short-term symptoms of unruly behaviour.
To read more go to http://bit.ly/es1tKD
Monday, 21 March 2011
Single mother age 58 who gave birth to IVF twins asks 'What have I done?'
Three weeks have passed since Carole Hobson brought her IVF twins home from hospital and it’s clear her once ordered life as a mature, single career woman has been completely turned on its head.
A sky-high pile of freshly-washed babygros, bedding and towels sits on the dining table and the ironing board stands permanently in the living room. With the volume of washing, there is obviously little point in putting it away.
She tries to snatch a quick toasted cheese sandwich while son Matthew and daughter Freida sleep upstairs, but manages only a mouthful before the babies start crying in unison.
‘As you can hear, they both have a lusty set of lungs,’ she smiles, padding upstairs to lift Freida gently from her cot while replacing Matthew’s dummy.
Carole is averaging just two or three hours of sleep a night and admits to feeling completely exhausted at times with the relentless routine of feeding, burping, changing, washing and sterilising bottles. After all, she does not have a partner to share the strain.
And at 58, she is embarking on first-time motherhood at an age when most women are looking forward to retirement, grandchildren, holidays and a spot of gentle gardening.
‘I have about two hours a day to myself, to do everything that needs to be done,’ says Carole wearily, as her two dogs Milly and Lucy bark from a room downstairs in the vain hope of walkies. I don’t even have time to read a book any more, let alone eat a proper meal. Some days I feel almost mad with exhaustion.’
Carole’s only been out of the house once so far; to Bluewater shopping centre in Kent this week where a quick trip to the hairdressers was far from a relaxing treat and had to be abruptly curtailed. ‘Matthew chose that moment to do an explosive nappy,’ laughs Carole.
‘I was sitting in the salon chair saying: “You are going to have to hurry up!” It was all rather stressful.
But is she happy? Carole, a 58-year-old former barrister and trained social worker, spent £20,000 and underwent five rounds of IVF treatment — using donor eggs and sperm — to realise her dream of becoming a mother.
To read more go to http://bit.ly/e2Q4h8
A sky-high pile of freshly-washed babygros, bedding and towels sits on the dining table and the ironing board stands permanently in the living room. With the volume of washing, there is obviously little point in putting it away.
She tries to snatch a quick toasted cheese sandwich while son Matthew and daughter Freida sleep upstairs, but manages only a mouthful before the babies start crying in unison.
‘As you can hear, they both have a lusty set of lungs,’ she smiles, padding upstairs to lift Freida gently from her cot while replacing Matthew’s dummy.
Carole is averaging just two or three hours of sleep a night and admits to feeling completely exhausted at times with the relentless routine of feeding, burping, changing, washing and sterilising bottles. After all, she does not have a partner to share the strain.
And at 58, she is embarking on first-time motherhood at an age when most women are looking forward to retirement, grandchildren, holidays and a spot of gentle gardening.
‘I have about two hours a day to myself, to do everything that needs to be done,’ says Carole wearily, as her two dogs Milly and Lucy bark from a room downstairs in the vain hope of walkies. I don’t even have time to read a book any more, let alone eat a proper meal. Some days I feel almost mad with exhaustion.’
Carole’s only been out of the house once so far; to Bluewater shopping centre in Kent this week where a quick trip to the hairdressers was far from a relaxing treat and had to be abruptly curtailed. ‘Matthew chose that moment to do an explosive nappy,’ laughs Carole.
‘I was sitting in the salon chair saying: “You are going to have to hurry up!” It was all rather stressful.
But is she happy? Carole, a 58-year-old former barrister and trained social worker, spent £20,000 and underwent five rounds of IVF treatment — using donor eggs and sperm — to realise her dream of becoming a mother.
To read more go to http://bit.ly/e2Q4h8
Saturday, 19 March 2011
Today is Goddess of Fertility Day
The spring equinox in Western culture marks the first day of the change of the seasons. Many people will start to do their spring cleaning around this time, and the Christian holiday of Easter is celebrated some time between March and April. For many cultures, religions, and spiritual paths, however, it marks what could be called the Goddess of Fertility Day.
Ostara, as the day is often called, was named after the Norse Goddess of Fertility. The celebration of fertility, life, and rebirth is most often celebrated during the vernal equinox, sometime between March 19 and March 22. It is a festival often celebrated with a plentiful feast, cleaning, decorating, and exploration.
Eggs and rabbits are most often associated with the day, as a sign of fruitful production and fertility. Decorating them with warm colors is a means to celebrate the renewal of the harvest and welcome in the change in the weather.
Many cultures and religions celebrate a similar holiday each spring. This is believed to have been a way for the different religions to gain new followers and converts.
List of Fertility Goddesses:
Ala (Nigerian) Mother Goddess responsible for fertility of both animals and man.
Ajysyt (Siberian) Mother Goddess. Her name means "birth giver". She visited every mother and provided a soul for the newborns.
Aka (Turkish) Ancient Mother Goddess.
Alemonia (Roman) Goddess responsible for feeding of the feotus in the womb. Also known as Alemona.
Aphrodite (Greek) Represented fertility.
Arianrhod (Welsh) Associated with fertility.
Aveta: (Gaulish) Goddess of fertility, childbirth and midwives, also linked to fresh water.
Bast (Egyptian) Bast the cat headed Goddess was associated with both fertility and childbirth.
Bendis (Greek) One of several Greek fertility Goddesses.
Bona Dea (Roman) Goddess of fertility, healing, virginity, and women
Brigit (Irish) was the Goddess of home, hearth, feminine aspects, healing, and fertility.
Ceres (Roman) Goddess of crops and agriculture.
Corn Mother (Native American) Responsible for the fertility of the land and people.
Cybele (Roman) Cybele was the goddess of fertility based on Anatolian Goddess Kybele.
Demeter (Greek) The Goddess of grain and bringer of fertility to the earth.
Frigg (Nordic) Frigg was the Odin wife she protected a man's marriage and made him fertile. Her name was invoked to bring children into a conjugal union.
Freya (Nordic) Often confused with Frigg, Freyja was the Norse goddess of sexual activity.
Gaia (Greek) Ancient Greek mother goddess who gave birth to the land and the Titans.
Gefjon(Teutonic) She was one of Frigg's handmaidens and associated with fertility of both man and the land.
Haumea (Hawaiian) Haumea was perpetually reborn, allowing her to continually mate with her offspring.
Juno (Roman) Often called upon by infertile women.
Macha (Irish) Fertility goddess who primarily concerned with male virility.
Mastor-Ava (Russian) Earth Goddess.
Nile Goddess - One of the prehistoric fertility Goddesses worshipped in the Nile Delta. She had the head of a bird.
Rainbow Snake (Aborigine) She represented the fertile rains, and sea she flows through her people's lives bringing children. Rhea (Greek) Replaced her mother Gaia as the earth and fertility goddess. She gave birth to the first Olympians
Tlalteutli (Aztec) Goddess of Creation. The Universe was made of Her body.
Urd (Teutonic) Norse Earth Goddess.
Venus (Roman) Roman equivalent to Aphrodite. She represented one of the main fertility Goddesses.
Read more information about fertility and getting pregnant at www.prideangel.com
More at http://bit.ly/dRaHXD
Ostara, as the day is often called, was named after the Norse Goddess of Fertility. The celebration of fertility, life, and rebirth is most often celebrated during the vernal equinox, sometime between March 19 and March 22. It is a festival often celebrated with a plentiful feast, cleaning, decorating, and exploration.
Eggs and rabbits are most often associated with the day, as a sign of fruitful production and fertility. Decorating them with warm colors is a means to celebrate the renewal of the harvest and welcome in the change in the weather.
Many cultures and religions celebrate a similar holiday each spring. This is believed to have been a way for the different religions to gain new followers and converts.
List of Fertility Goddesses:
Ala (Nigerian) Mother Goddess responsible for fertility of both animals and man.
Ajysyt (Siberian) Mother Goddess. Her name means "birth giver". She visited every mother and provided a soul for the newborns.
Aka (Turkish) Ancient Mother Goddess.
Alemonia (Roman) Goddess responsible for feeding of the feotus in the womb. Also known as Alemona.
Aphrodite (Greek) Represented fertility.
Arianrhod (Welsh) Associated with fertility.
Aveta: (Gaulish) Goddess of fertility, childbirth and midwives, also linked to fresh water.
Bast (Egyptian) Bast the cat headed Goddess was associated with both fertility and childbirth.
Bendis (Greek) One of several Greek fertility Goddesses.
Bona Dea (Roman) Goddess of fertility, healing, virginity, and women
Brigit (Irish) was the Goddess of home, hearth, feminine aspects, healing, and fertility.
Ceres (Roman) Goddess of crops and agriculture.
Corn Mother (Native American) Responsible for the fertility of the land and people.
Cybele (Roman) Cybele was the goddess of fertility based on Anatolian Goddess Kybele.
Demeter (Greek) The Goddess of grain and bringer of fertility to the earth.
Frigg (Nordic) Frigg was the Odin wife she protected a man's marriage and made him fertile. Her name was invoked to bring children into a conjugal union.
Freya (Nordic) Often confused with Frigg, Freyja was the Norse goddess of sexual activity.
Gaia (Greek) Ancient Greek mother goddess who gave birth to the land and the Titans.
Gefjon(Teutonic) She was one of Frigg's handmaidens and associated with fertility of both man and the land.
Haumea (Hawaiian) Haumea was perpetually reborn, allowing her to continually mate with her offspring.
Juno (Roman) Often called upon by infertile women.
Macha (Irish) Fertility goddess who primarily concerned with male virility.
Mastor-Ava (Russian) Earth Goddess.
Nile Goddess - One of the prehistoric fertility Goddesses worshipped in the Nile Delta. She had the head of a bird.
Rainbow Snake (Aborigine) She represented the fertile rains, and sea she flows through her people's lives bringing children. Rhea (Greek) Replaced her mother Gaia as the earth and fertility goddess. She gave birth to the first Olympians
Tlalteutli (Aztec) Goddess of Creation. The Universe was made of Her body.
Urd (Teutonic) Norse Earth Goddess.
Venus (Roman) Roman equivalent to Aphrodite. She represented one of the main fertility Goddesses.
Read more information about fertility and getting pregnant at www.prideangel.com
More at http://bit.ly/dRaHXD
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Woman happy to tell her child - she does not know who her father is
Jessica McCallin has already chosen a name for her unborn daughter. She will be called Freya, after the Norse goddess of fertility. ‘Freya is one of my favourite girls’ names,’ she says. ‘I didn’t know the meaning but, when I found out, I knew straight away that would be her name. It’s perfect.’
It’s somewhat fitting, too. Because Freya’s father is a 6ft Dane in his 20s, with greeny-blue eyes and blond hair. But beyond those few physical characteristics, neither Jessica nor Freya will know any more.
This is because last June, Jessica, 36, flew to Copenhagen and was artificially inseminated with the sperm of an anonymous Danish donor — and more and more British women are doing exactly the same thing.
Last year, about 500 to 1,000 British women were treated in Denmark, resulting in between 100 to 200 pregnancies. ‘It was an incredibly easy process,’ recalls Jessica, who is single. ‘After a few months of monitoring my cycle, I booked a flight to coincide with the time I ovulated.
‘I’d found out about the Danish sperm bank through a friend. It occupied a few rooms in a tasteful period building in the centre of Copenhagen.
‘The nurse put me at ease. I didn’t feel a thing as she carried out the procedure, and it was over within minutes. Then, half an hour later, I was back strolling round the streets of Copenhagen. I felt very comfortable about what I had just done.’ So why did Jessica go to Denmark rather than use a British sperm donor?
The head of the world’s biggest sperm bank, one of 15 private clinics in Denmark, says the number of women travelling to the country for treatment has soared.
Cryos International, based in Aarhus, was set up in 1987, has 427 donors on its books and supplies sperm to 65 countries. Half of all women who have treatment in Denmark have come from abroad.
To read more go to http://bit.ly/fXhaj5
It’s somewhat fitting, too. Because Freya’s father is a 6ft Dane in his 20s, with greeny-blue eyes and blond hair. But beyond those few physical characteristics, neither Jessica nor Freya will know any more.
This is because last June, Jessica, 36, flew to Copenhagen and was artificially inseminated with the sperm of an anonymous Danish donor — and more and more British women are doing exactly the same thing.
Last year, about 500 to 1,000 British women were treated in Denmark, resulting in between 100 to 200 pregnancies. ‘It was an incredibly easy process,’ recalls Jessica, who is single. ‘After a few months of monitoring my cycle, I booked a flight to coincide with the time I ovulated.
‘I’d found out about the Danish sperm bank through a friend. It occupied a few rooms in a tasteful period building in the centre of Copenhagen.
‘The nurse put me at ease. I didn’t feel a thing as she carried out the procedure, and it was over within minutes. Then, half an hour later, I was back strolling round the streets of Copenhagen. I felt very comfortable about what I had just done.’ So why did Jessica go to Denmark rather than use a British sperm donor?
The head of the world’s biggest sperm bank, one of 15 private clinics in Denmark, says the number of women travelling to the country for treatment has soared.
Cryos International, based in Aarhus, was set up in 1987, has 427 donors on its books and supplies sperm to 65 countries. Half of all women who have treatment in Denmark have come from abroad.
To read more go to http://bit.ly/fXhaj5
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