Testimonial from a new Dad 'Thank you Pride Angel'

Dear Pride Angel,
I have been wanting to write for a long time but finally I have taken the time to do it. Thanks to this website I am now a dad. Ethan was born 17 July 2014. He lives with his two amazing mums Jane and Sarah. I can't believe how lucky we are. We feel so blessed! Legally they are the parents and Ethan is very lucky having the two best mums in the world! Ethan will always know that I am the dad and will call me dad. I think it's important for all children to know where they come from. That was what I wanted from the day I posted my initial profile here on Pride Angel and I was lucky to find Jane and Sarah who wanted the same as me.
I did find another couple on Pride Angel before Jane and Sarah and we tried 11 times to get pregnant but it didn't work out. It was a hard decision to tell them I didn't think it would work. I almost gave up becoming a dad but my paternal instincts were so strong so I tried to find another lesbian couple through Pride Angel. I couldn't believe my luck when I heard from Sarah and Jane- that lived just 10 minutes walk away! We met up many times, we had to build a lot of trust and shared our values and lives. After a while Jane and Sarah trusted me, and I trusted them that they wouldn't cut me off after Ethan was born. I think we tried the artificial insemination at their home 4 times before Ethan was conceived. The following 9 months felt like 9 years, we were so excited.
Realizing I was gay at 15 years old, I never thought I was going to be a dad. So to see Sarah pregnant knowing that another human being was inside her, with half of my DNA felt both amazing and surreal. Towards the end I truly realized the magnitude of what Jane, Sarah and I had done- creating a child! Many thoughts went through my head, were we selfish putting this child into a world that wasn't 'normal'? Was our child going to be bullied? Were we playing God creating babies artificially? Now looking back all those questions seem silly but right there and then, that was what I thought about. When I saw the photo of a new born Ethan and the happy face of his two mums, I felt a sense of piece, my life felt so accomplished. This was what I wanted for such a long time; to help a lesbian couple having a family and somehow passing on my own legacy. It's hard to explain with words how happy I was. Ethan is the most amazing little kid I have ever met, he's so sociable and confident. It shows what an amazing job Jane and Sarah are doing, they give him so much love. Ethan is also surrounded by their amazing family and friends making him feel even more loved.
I see Ethan about every two to three weeks, sometimes more, sometimes less. But only when it feels natural for all of us. There's no pressure. Jane and Sarah have become my two soul mates, they know everything about me. I sometimes come and tell them all my love or family problems and they always listen, they are amazing people. I'm so lucky. And I guess they are lucky too but foremost, Ethan is lucky to come in to this world with so much love. And if it wasn't for your website, he wouldn't be here today. So a huge thank you from Jane, Sarah, Ethan and I.
Kind regards, Andrew
PS. The first couple that I met through Pride Angel was in the end also lucky to have a baby called Jude. They had to do it a bit more complicated with the help of a clinic, they took an egg from one of the mums and planted it into the other mum that didn't have any eggs. A friend of theirs is the donor. So they also had a happy ending and we are all so grateful for each other. maybe one day Ethan and Jake can play together.

Lesbian couple cut contact after sperm donor refused them more children

A lesbian couple who had their two children by the same sperm donor has spoken about their heartbreak as the father of their son and daughter destroyed their dream of a large family. Kirsty Cox and Anna Jones gave birth days apart after their gay friend donated sperm to the couple but after breaking the agreement to continue to donate the trio have fallen out. Nick Lacey, 24, is the biological father to both Alfie and Scarlett-Marie, eight months, but despite promising to stay in the children’s lives and continue to donate sperm so Kirsty and Anna could conceive again, he is no longer on in contact with the pair. The hairdresser was not present at the ‘twins’ christening last week and Anna, 27, said: ‘We’re heartbroken because we wanted more kids with him. But there’s nothing we can do. At the moment we’re not even on speaking terms with Nick.’ Anna and Kirsty, 23, who married in a civil ceremony in 2010 has previously spoken about their baby joy after they thought they would never be able to have children together. The NHS would only fund IVF for one of them and conceiving naturally was out of the question for both, so when Anna’s sister Lorraine told her hairdresser Nick about the couple’s desire for children. After a series of meetings, they all agreed that Nick would be the one to donate. 'When we found Nick everything fell into place,' Anna said when the family appeared on Daybreak earlier this year. 'If we hadn’t have found him I don’t think any of this would have happened to be honest.’ Three weeks after they started the process of artificial insemination Kirsty became pregnant and a couple of weeks later Anna became pregnant too. On November 5 last year, Kirsty gave birth to Scarlett-Marie, who was two weeks overdue. Five days later, Anna gave birth to Alfie. In February Nick said: 'Although I don’t see myself as their dad, I adore the babies and I intend to be part of their lives forever. ' I never imagined I’d have a child, and I never knew I’d have so much love for them.' Last week the christening of Alfie and Scarlett-Marie were christened at St Peter’s Church, Gloucester in front of 100 friends and family members – but not Nick. However Nick refutes the couple’s claims saying they were the ones who cut him out of their children’s lives. ‘I only heard about the christening on Facebook,’ he told The Sunday Mirror. According to Nick the trio fell out after Anna and Kirsty wanted more sperm only six months after the babies were born and when he said it was too soon, they stopped all contact. He said: ‘The babies are my flesh and blood and I want a relationship with them.’ Article: 23rd July 2012 www.dailymail.co.uk

Lesbian couple give birth just five days apart using hairdresser sperm donor

TYING the knot in matching gowns, tiaras and hairstyles, lookalike lovers Anna Jones and Kirsty Cox were the picture of happiness But, a shadow of sadness marred the joy of the new Mrs and Mrs – they both dreamed of being a mum and feared it could never happen for them.
Anna, 28, and Kirsty, 23, loved caring for their little nieces and nephews but, unable to afford expensive fertility treatment, knew they would never be parents themselves. Until Anna’s sister Lorraine mentioned their plight to her hairdresser, Brian – and he agreed to help create their family.

With a sperm donor miraculously in place, the grateful couple decided to take it turns to try for a baby – expecting a long wait. But to their amazement Anna and Kirsty got pregnant within two weeks of each other, and gave birth just five days apart. Kirsty had daughter Scarlett-Marie, and then Anna produced son, Alfie. Now the pair are proud parents to two babies who are often mistaken for twins.

Beaming, Anna told the Mirror: “We are overjoyed. We’ve now got the perfect family although this time last year we thought we’d never have children of our own. “Brian has given us a wonderful gift and we are so grateful to him. It was a chance in a million that my sister’s hairdresser was thinking of becoming a sperm donor. “And the chances of Kirsty and I both getting pregnant at the first attempt must be pretty remote too!”

Anna and Kirsty, who live in Gloucester, had been together for six years but became civil partners in June 2010. Anna says: “It was the happiest day of our lives. But once we were married it brought home how much we wanted to be parents. “Every time my sisters’ children came to stay I’d tuck them into bed thinking, ‘I wish we could have a little one of our own’.

“We weren’t able to afford fertility clinics and knew we could be on the NHS waiting list for years. “We knew we’d make great parents, but told ourselves it probably wouldn’t happen and just had to accept it.” And that was that until sister Lorraine went to have her hair done and opened up to Brian.

Anna recalls: “Kirsty and I were watching TV when she got a text from Lorraine saying she’d found us a donor. “I thought Lorraine was just having us on and said, ‘Oh yeah?’ very sarcastically.” But moments later Anna’s phone rang. Anna says: “Lorraine told me her hairdresser was gay and understood how difficult it was for couples like us.” A week later Brian called round for tea.

Anna says: “He asked us loads of questions. Then he said we were lovely people and deserved the chance to be parents. “He didn’t want payment and he was happy to have no involvement in the child’s life if that’s what we wanted, so we knew there was no ulterior motive.” After a few more meetings and Brian proving he was in good health, the threesome agreed to start trying for a baby. But there was one problem.

Anna explains: “We both wanted to experience carrying a child and giving birth. So we decided it was fairest to take it in turns until one of us got pregnant.” The couple went online to learn how to artificially inseminate themselves using the donated sperm and a syringe, but when Brian arrived on the day were all nervous. Anna says: “We were giggling and kept chatting because we felt uncomfortable. But then I said, ‘Right, shall we get on with it?’ “I handed Brian a plastic beaker we’d bought especially for the job and Kirsty and I went into the bedroom and waited.”

Later, after they thanked Brian and he left, the couple agreed that Kirsty would go first and Anna did the insemination. Anna goes on: “Afterwards Kirsty lay on the floor with her feet up against the wall because we read that would increase the chances. I just thought this is never going to work.” A couple of weeks later Brian visited again for Anna. Then, a few days later Kirsty’s period was late. A first pregnancy test was negative, but the next day she did it again and was thrilled to find she was pregnant.

Anna recalls: “We were jumping around the kitchen with joy. We simply couldn’t believe this had happened on our first attempt.” Then two weeks later Anna started to get bad cramps. She says: “Kirsty kept joking that I was pregnant. But I thought ‘There’s no way.’ “But when my period didn’t arrive I did a test too. Positive. “We were in shock. I sent Brian a text telling him the news. He replied ‘Congratulations. I’m so happy for both of you’.

“When I went with Kirsty for her first scan the midwife thought we were sisters because we look so much alike.” And being pregnant together really strengthened their relationship. Anna says: “We got to feel each other’s bump when the babies started to kick. And it brought us even closer as a couple.” When Kirsty’s due date came and went they grew anxious. Anna says: “I kept telling her to hurry up because I was due soon.”

Anna and Kirsty wanted to be there for each other when the babies were born. But they became worried when the midwife told them they might go into labour at the same time. Anna recalls: “She said because we were two women living together our hormones were probably in sync.” At 16 days overdue, Kirsty went into hospital to be induced. Anna was by her side. Anna says: “She was squeezing my hand and I could feel my baby kicking. I was telling her to push but I felt scared because that was going to be me soon.” After 16 hours in labour, Kirsty gave birth to Scarlett-Marie. Anna says: “I held her and was laughing hard because she had little pursed lips just like Kirsty.”

Kirsty and Scarlett-Marie were kept in hospital for a couple of days before they could return to their home where Brian showed up at the front door with a huge bouquet of flowers in his hand. But later that day Anna started getting pains and the next day they were back at the hospital. Anna recalls: “This time around it was Kirsty holding my hand and telling me to breathe in and out.” After 48 hours in labour, Anna gave birth to her baby, Alfie. Anna says: “It was just absolutely amazing. Two babies born just five days apart.” Scarlett is now 11 weeks old and Alfie is just over 10 weeks.

Anna says: “We are loving every minute of being parents. We love watching them lying together and cooing to each other. It’s totally beautiful to see the bond between them. “And Brian visits the children almost every week. He is happy to be called Daddy, if that’s what we want. “When the children are older we will tell them that they were his amazing gift to us. We are just so grateful he helped us both become mums.” Brian’s name has been changed to preserve his anonymity.

Article: 23rd January 2012 www.mirror.co.uk

Coronation street star Charlie Condou talks about his 'Life as a gay dad'

Charlie Condou, Coronation Street star, has always wanted to become a dad and has now become a well known 'gay celebrity dad'. But, he says, what's important is the parenting, not the fact that his daughter has three parents.
I left the Granada studios in Manchester after work one day and jumped into a cab, heading for the station and then a London train and home. The cab driver looked at me in the mirror, gave a little smile and said: "So, when's the baby due?" Not "Hello" or "I know you", or even "I read in the Sun today …" but I'm getting used to the surrealness that sometimes accompanies being part of Coronation Street. It is, after all, the world's longest-running soap opera. And I'm a friendly, polite sort of bloke.

Me: "January, still a while to go."

Cabbie: "Right, so that's, what, a two-year gap between this one and your daughter?" OK, so the driver is clearly a Corrie fan but, even so, that's some detail he has retained.

Me: "Yes, that's right, she'll be two-and-a-bit when the new one comes along."

Cabbie: "So, how does it work then?"

I get this a lot – people are curious about the logistics of my child-rearing arrangements, I understand that. While not the rarity it once was, gay parenting is still something that few people have direct experience of, and it is only natural that they ask questions.

Me: "Well, our daughter spends half her time at her mother's house and half her time with me and my partner. We co-parent; it works pretty well."

Cabbie: "And did you and the mum have sex?"

Me: "Er …"

Thankfully, I am released from having to respond as the station hoves into view, but it is not the first time, nor I imagine will it be the last, that a total stranger has asked me about my sex life. Such is the life of a "gay celebrity dad".

Gay celebrity dad. It's funny because those first two words seem to dictate everything about the way the world reacts to me these days, and yet they are in many ways meaningless to me. I don't feel like a gay dad, any more than I feel like a celebrity dad. When I'm with my family, caring for my daughter, watching the little bean jump around on the ultrasound screen, I just feel like a "dad". My day-to-day experience of the ups and downs of parenting are the same as everyone else's. I feel the same frustration as any other parent when my daughter fills her nappy just as we're heading out of the door, and the same ridiculous pride when she lisps her way through Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.

Even our shared residence arrangements with her mother are not really any different from those of millions of divorced and separated parents. Perhaps because my own upbringing is a far-from-unusual 21st-century jumble of step-parents and half-siblings, the quirkiness of my current situation feels unremarkable.

And yet, at least to the wider world, it is remarkable. And, because of that, I feel that maybe I do have some responsibility to open up, to talk about my life, and to let strangers ask personal questions.

When I was a teenager, coming out and coming to terms with being gay, one of the hardest parts of that process was dealing with the fear that I would never have kids. I'd wanted to be a dad for as long as I could remember – aged four, coming home from nursery in tears because they always picked girls to bath the dollies at the end of the day. Gay parenting didn't exist then, at least not in any public way. There were men, often estranged from their kids, who had tried marriage in their 20s before coming out and leaving their families. It was easier for lesbians, of course, though still never spoken about, but gay men and kids? Unheard of. I know what it would have meant to me then to have had role models to look up to. To see gay men in loving relationships, raising children together and building families would have removed so much fear from my teenage years and made my path to self-acceptance smoother.

To read more go to http://bit.ly/r4UOg1

Three men talk about helping childless couples by donating sperm

Men willing to donate sperm help to create more than 800 babies in Britain every year through fertility clinics and hundreds more through personal arrangement – but now we are facing a shortage of "sperm donor daddies".
As many as 1 in every 6 people will experience fertility problems, and for many infertile couples, lesbian couples and single women – a sperm donor is the only way of achieving their dream of becoming a parent.

But as their identity is protected through fertility clinic donations, little is known about the men who make conception possible. Only the children they create are allowed to learn their names – and then not until their 18th birthday. Here, the 'Sun' newspaper talks to three men who have donated their sperm.

Ian Mann, 30
IAN, a gay pub quiz host from London, wanted to help childless couples but stopped donating after learning he carries the cystic fibrosis gene. "I got involved with sperm donating a few years ago when I was at the Manchester Pride Festival. "There was a stand for an organisation called Pride Angel which connects sperm and egg donors with infertile and same-sex couples. "I was at the age where I might have been thinking about having kids. "The fact is, I wasn't – but it got me thinking about how could I help.

"I signed up at the website for Pride Angel, which offers a completely free service, but for a while I did not connect with anyone I felt comfortable donating to. "You're put in direct contact with whoever you're considering and you're encouraged to keep in touch with your donor family. "Having a child is a huge commitment and I wanted to be certain whoever I was helping was going to be up to the job.

"Around the same time, I also started donating to the London Women's Clinic (LWC), a renowned IVF clinic on Harley Street. "I was warned that any children resulting from my donations could get in touch when they turned 18. It didn't faze me. "I figured that the chance of them looking me up was pretty slim. "Why would they bother when they had been brought up by two loving parents? "I was told my sperm were pretty strong, so everything seemed great. Then I had a screening by the LWC. "My jaw hit the floor when the results came back that I was carrying a dormant cystic fibrosis gene. "It meant that if my sperm was paired with an egg that had the same gene, the child would have cystic fibrosis.

"The odds were tiny but, of course, it's a chance no one wants to take. All my donations were destroyed and that was the end of that. "I was pretty depressed about it and spoke to my mum. She said there was no history of CF in our family. It was just one of those things. "Since then, I've got in touch with a couple of women through Pride Angel who are desperate to become mums. We're sussing each other out and so far it's going well. "So long as they get tested to make sure they're not CF carriers as well, my faulty gene won't be an issue. "I wish other men would consider being donors. There are so many people out there who would make great parents and just need a little help."

Pride Angel comments: The chance being a cystic fibrosis carrier is 1 in 25 people, so it relatively common. Many people will go through life being totally unaware of carrying the faulty gene, as it will not result in you having a child with cystic fibrosis unless you conceive with another person who in a carrier. When two people with the single mutation have a child, there is a 25% chance that the child will have CF, 50% chance that the child will be a carrier and 25% chance that the child with not be affected.

It is wonderful news to hear about men like Ian who are happy to help childless couples create the family they are longing for
To read more go to http://bit.ly/nOTqpp

Gay magazine looking for gay and lesbian couples who have become parents through Pride Angel

QX Magazine is looking for gay couples who have become parents through Pride Angel to talk about their experiences in a feature about gay parenting. Although they are a magazine predominately targeted at homosexual men they would welcome lesbian couples to reply as well, given that this seems to be a widespread issue affecting all gay people. They would also like to talk to gay male sperm donors who have had children with lesbian couples and retain some modicum of parenting contact.
If you are willing to take part then we will send over a brief interview via email. QX magazine are basically looking to assess how easy you find it to be a gay parent in Britain in 2011 and whether you have ever encountered any prejudice from other parents? What was it like making the decision to have a child and how easy was the procedure of going about it? Any other issues you think we should be aware of we'd be grateful to hear about.

Gay sperm donors in high demand

Many more women are turning to sperm donor websites to find donors or co-parents, fuelled by the shortage of donors within the UK, along with many NHS authorities cutting back on IVF treatment. Pride Angel reports on the increasing demand by both lesbian couples and single women for ‘gay sperm donors’.
Their study looked at the number of recipients looking for gay men from their database of over 4500 members. Of the 4500 members 64% are women looking for ‘sperm donors’, with only 16% registered as ‘sperm donors’. This shows a huge shortage in the number of willing donors, compared to the demand. They found that of those recipients who requested ‘looking for’ in their profile, 51% are looking for a ‘gay single man’, with 31% looking for a ‘gay couple’. In contrast, of the registered sperm donors only 23% record themselves as ‘gay’ within their profiles. 53% of sperm donors request ‘looking for’ a single woman, with 33% ‘looking for’ a lesbian couple to donate to.

Why are lesbian and single women looking for gay donors rather than heterosexual men? There may be many reasons for this preference. Erika co-founder of Pride Angel says ‘Many women are wishing to find genuine gay men, either single or in a couple, who are willing to co-parent or donate sperm with some form of on-going contact’ ‘This may be because they feel that gay men may be more sensitive or caring, or easier to co-parent with’. ‘We would really like to see far more gay men coming forward to donate sperm.’

Pride Angel also looked at data received from a questionnaire undertaken by people attending the Manchester Pride’s Lifestyle Expo in August 2010. The questionnaire was completed by 150 people and requested individual views on ‘the level of contact’ they felt the donor should have with any child conceived from known donor conception. The results were very interesting and showed that the vast majority of people did wish for their child to have some form of ongoing contact with their donor, only 26% of women and 20% of men thought that any donation should be anonymous. 27% of women wanted some kind of active involvement from their donor, be it regular or occasional contact. In contrast 51% of men wished to have regular or occasional contact with their donor child. A significant number of women 31%, wanted for their child to be able to contact their donor if needed while growing up

To read more go to http://bit.ly/bwxrEH

Gay sperm donor fights lesbian mother over access to children

The woman in her 40s, and her civil partner, took the case to the Court of Appeal to try to overturn an earlier ruling that the children should spend almost half the year living with their father.
The mother, who cannot be named for legal reasons, is accusing the father of trying to “marginalise” her partner and “overpower” them both with his forceful personality.

But the father, a wealthy man in a long-term relationship, now in his 50s, claims it is his right to see his children and they should divide their time between him and their mother.

The case began in 1999 when the man placed an advert in Gay Times in the hope of finding a lesbian couple to have his children. Looking for a similar female couple who wants to have kids. I require little involvement. I have a lot to offer.”

After a long-term lesbian couple answered the advert, he twice donated sperm and a boy and girl, now aged nine and seven, were born.

Earlier this year a county court judge awarded "shared residency" orders to the mother and father and directed that the children should spend almost half the year with him.

June Venters QC, representing the mother and her partner, said the children were “aware of the difficulties between mummy and daddy” and were at risk of being emotionally harmed by the dispute.

She accepted that the youngsters had a meaningful relationship with their father and said it was in no way suggested that he should lose all contact rights.

To read more go to http://bit.ly/atdgHW

A Guide for Gay Dads - launched by Stonewall

Stonewall has launched this week 'A Guide for Gay Dads', giving gay men practical advice in plain English on how to become a dad.
The guide is the brother publication to Pregnant Pause, released earlier this year. It guides prospective gay dads through all their options including adoption, co-parenting, surrogacy, sperm donation and fostering. It includes a handy glossary and spells out all the recent legal changes in plain English to help demystify the process.

Ben Summerskill, Stonewall Chief Executive, said: ‘There’s never been a better time for gay men to start a family in Britain. The law is now on their side. And this comprehensive new guide – the first of its kind specifically aimed at gay men – outlines all options, with handy tips and places to go for further support. We hope it’ll convince some gay men who might have otherwise written off the prospect of raising children to re-consider.’

Stonewall we have worked hard to ensure that gay people can have and raise children like everyone else. While our lobbying has helped changed the law – allowing gay couples to adopt, removing barriers to fertility treatment for lesbians and outlawing discrimination in goods and services, including organisations offering social and family services – there is still lots to do.

Not only does the 'Guide for Gay Dads' give vitally useful legal advice on what parenting rights you may have in different situations but it gives you an overview of what you can expect from each route to becoming a dad. Given the recent changes to the law it is a must-read for any gay men considering starting a family.

Cambridge University research for Stonewall published earlier this year demonstrated how children with same-sex parents have the exact same quality of upbringing as other children. Alice, 7, who was interviewed for the research said: ‘I’ve got two parents who love me. It doesn’t matter if they’re a boy or a girl.’

Stonewall’s YouTube channel www.youtube.com/stonewalluk currently includes an interview with Jess Sweeney, 17, whose dad is gay. She told us: ‘Every girl wants a gay best friend, but mine is my dad, too.’

If you would like a free hardcopy of the guide, email Stonewall at info@stonewall.org.uk
or Click here to download A Guide for Gay Dads

It’s the latest in a programme of recent work to ensure lesbian and gay people can start families and bring up children free from homophobia. Earlier this year Stonewall published their groundbreaking (Different Families) research which for the first time allowed the overwhelmingly illuminating voices of children with gay parents to be heard and last year they published (Pregnant Pause), a guide for lesbians on how to get pregnant.

Read more about the guide at www.stonewall.org.uk

For more information about gay parenting, becoming a sperm donor or co-parenting visit www.prideangel.com

To read more go to http://bit.ly/94M2AZ