10 Tips for maximising your chance of having a baby

You have made the decision to try for a baby, so you will probably want to get pregnant as soon as possible, especially if you need the help of donor sperm. So here are some tips from Pride Angel to maximise your chance.

1. Have sex or if you are using a donor - inseminate regularly around your fertile time.

If you have regular, unprotected sex/or inseminate for a year, about 84% of couples will get pregnant.
It's important to know your fertile cycle  - Going back to basics here, you only get a baby when a sperm meets an egg and that egg only comes usually once a month, around day 14 in your cycle.

The egg only survives for a day or two, so there's only a limited window each month during which you can actually get pregnant. It's probably around six days.

During ovulation some women feel a twinge of pain in one side and cervical mucus may become thin and slippery.

If you have an irregular cycle or feel you need extra help, you can buy ovulation prediction kits to help you find out when you are most fertile.

Knowing your cycle is really important but there is knowing and then there is obsessing, so make sure you keep it in balance and try to develop a 'mindfulness' about your cycle rather than a fixed obsession.

2. Ensure your sperm is healthy

Once you have found your ideal co-parent or donor, it's really important to check his sperm count. Even if your donor has had children previously, lifestyle factors since may reduced their sperm count.
A simple sperm count can be performed at home using a sperm test such as the Fertilcount male fertility test. Alternatively a sperm count can be undertaken at your fertility clinic.
Sperm health can be improved by not smoking and having a healthly diet, In addition there is some evidence that wearing loose boxer short may help along with not using laptops on the lap and avoiding hot baths or jacuzzis.

3. Folic acid and a check up

Women who are thinking about getting pregnant should take a 400mcg folic acid supplement each day. Some women are advised to take a 5mg folic acid supplement each day; for example, those with Celiac disease or diabetes.

If you take folic acid when you are trying for a baby (ideally for at least three months before conceiving) and for the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, it reduces the risk of having a baby with conditions such as Spina bifida.

It's recommended to get a check up with your GP, as they can do any blood tests needed and if you are on medication discuss if these will effect your fertility.

4. Give up smoking

We all know by now that smoking is bad for our health generally, but it may reduce fertility as well.

The current advice from NICE is that smoking or even passive smoking may affect a woman's chances of getting pregnant. For men, a link has been found between smoking and poorer quality sperm.

5. Be a healthy weight

If you are in a healthy weight range you have a body mass index (BMI) of between 18.5 - 24.9. NICE says women who have a BMI of more than 29 can take longer to conceive than women whose weight is in the normal range.

Excess weight is associated with polycystic ovarian syndrome, resulting in a hormone imbalance which can affect fertility and may cause miscarriages.

Try and live a healthy lifestyle, Exercise but do not exercise too much, and make sure you have a healthy BMI - not too high or too low.

Being underweight is just as bad for fertility as being overweight.

6. Eat a healthy balanced diet

To give yourself the best possible chance of getting pregnant it's important to eat a healthy and balanced diet consisting of vegetables, fruits, meat, fish, eggs, beans and wholegrains. The emphasis should be on eating real unprocessed food, ideally organic, rather on specific fad diets.
However do be aware of food intolerances such as gluten and diary. In addition try and reduce caffeine intake along with minimising refined sugar consumption.
Research has shown that a Mediterranean diet high in healthy oils, such as olives, avocados and fish can help improve hormone imbalances and improve fertility.

7. Cut alcohol

The UK's chief medical officers say there is no safe amount of alcohol that women can drink during pregnancy, and it makes sense to stop drinking while trying to conceive too.

8. Don't leave it too late

A woman's fertility peaks in her early twenties but these days more women are leaving it later to have a baby.

More women are holding out until their thirties and forties to start a family. According to the Office for National Statistics, since the mid-1970s women aged 30 to 34 are more likely to become mothers for the first time than any other age group.

Having a baby before the age of 35 improves your chances, but women can have babies into their 40s if they are fit and healthy and in good health

9. Getting pregnant - Inseminations

If you are conceiving at home using a donor - After inseminations, it may help to put a cushion under you to tilt the pelvis for 20 minutes. It is also recommended to climax following inseminations as this causes contractions which help the sperm along their journey.
Try and make the inseminations an enjoyable experience, maybe play some relaxing music or light some candles.

10. De-stress

Its important to be prepared mentally and emotionally for getting pregnant.

Couples lead busy lives, climbing the career ladder, with lots of things going on in their lives. Making a baby can be an added stress.

Sometimes couples go down the IVF route when they could make lifestyle changes instead.

Relaxation CDs and hypnotherapy may help. Exercise is a good way to get rid of stress, especially less vigorous forms like yoga and Pilates. Holistic therapies such as Acupuncture or Reflexology may also help with relaxation and wellbeing.

Its important to take care of your emotions, manage your stress levels and take time out to relax and switch off.
Be careful not to make the mistake of making 'Baby making' a stressful project which must to completed. A belief that you will become pregnant when the time is right, is more beneficial.

When to get help

Fertility problems affect one in seven couples in the UK.
More than eight out of 10 couples who have regular sex/inseminations without contraception will get pregnant within a year. If you've been trying for a year with no luck, have a check-up.
If you are using donor sperm with no success after a year, then it is recommended to try another donor prior to considering fertility treatments such as IVF.
Your GP will do tests to see what's happening and give advice on options.
It you are over 35, it may be worth getting your fertility checked out for peace of mind.

www.prideangel.com
 

Pride Angel Journey - Food

With babies, food is simple: it’s just very messy. We did baby-led-weaning which means avoiding spooning mush into them and pretty much letting them feed themselves with whatever we happened to be making for ourselves that meal. They fed themselves, their bibs, their chairs, the table, the floor and anything within a 2-metre radius. Messy.
With toddlers, food is less messy, but it is complicated. As the messiness subsides, the complicatedness increases – mathematically, it is a case of negative correlation. For us, it probably started with a mild unwillingness to try new foods. But other issues arose. Like the problem of foods mixing on the plate or contaminating each other. Porridge must be served flat. VERY flat. Where relevant, food items should be served whole: chopping constituent parts to cool them or prevent them being a choking hazard can be hazardous in itself. Some foods are always edible. Butter, for example, which is best consumed in isolation and in quantity, ideally straight from the packet in large bites. I would consider placing a bet on Willow’s ability, given fifteen minutes to locate (and consume) a raisin in any room. Chips trump anything and the wily toddler having finished his or her own portion in seconds, will develop a range of tactics designed to separate other, more naïve diners from their own share. I’m sure it wasn’t coincidence that a fairly rare occurrence of the word ‘please’ arose in the sentence “Willow, please may I have your chips?’ Willow meanwhile, fearing their imminent loss, rammed all five chips on his plate into his mouth at once. All of this is further complicated by friends and relatives occasionally coming out with ridiculous old classics like “you can’t have any pudding until you’ve eaten your main course”, as if pudding is some sort of reward for making it through the drudgery of savoury food. And amidst the imperious demands of “I want…!” and the horror-stricken cries of “Don’t cut it up…!”, I wonder…messy, then complicated…then calm and straightforward? Somehow I doubt it. Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 10th April 2016

Co-parenting Journey: Boob and chain what they don’t tell you about breastfeeding

After a busy Co-Co-Co-parenting Christmas our then 6 month old is a very busy very opinionated nearly mobile nearly 9 months. As I type there’s a heavy breathing/ panting and clanging noise coming from the dangerous corner of the living room. Yup, where the tv and electricals are. Sigh. She hasn’t napped. Nor has she stilled. She cried at lunch until I made her favourite fruit and yogurt. How did I know that’s what she wanted? Something about a little finger with a frazzled mummy wrapped around it…
Most significantly she WILL NOT take bottle. This is the crisis of the hour. And yet another small but important possibility that no one warns you about. We’d assumed that because she took bottle as a baby we could re-introduce it at any time. Well she’s not having a bar of it and I fear we’ve left it too late now, not least because she likes to have things her way - so be warned prospective Pride Angel parents! Turns out Munchkin was teething. But how do you ever know. A friend pointed out the bulges in her gums, “We had that, her teeth will be through soon.” And sure enough there they were, two widely spaced little top teeth poking through not two days later. She’s recently been referred to as a toddler. Perhaps a little prematurely but that’s how it’s beginning to feel. Her newly conquered milestones seem a lot this month; mobility - a form of crawling but she’s more interested in standing/walking, showing excitement, dancing (a vigorous head shake), first actual tantrum not wanting to go to sleep, pointing to her sippy cup when she wants a drink, longer spells of concentration and engagement at baby classes, more talking, lots of nose-picking, the list goes on. Probably there were long lists at each previous month and perhaps I’ve said it before but we’ve really got a little person on our hands. With this comes the inevitable planning for regaining mummy’s former life. Do I want it back? Or do I want to be with my girl? I keep telling myself it will be good for her to start nursery and learn to look after herself. Best of all there’s no doubt she appears to have the independent self-sufficient spirit that will see her thrive. But… it’s just another transition in the parenting journey. Like every other parent we’re tormenting ourselves with the notion of upsizing. “Let’s move to the country, it’ll be better for the baby!” Really? Isn’t commuting going to be tough enough for the next few years, sprinting, literally, from nursery to work and back. Every minute without her is going to feel like it counts. So for now it’s little steps and a lot of ‘let’s see’. As for co-parenting, we’re wangling a day off work a week per parenting set; our girl will get a daddy day and a mummy day each week. This is a very much hoped for arrangement coming to fruition. Her day with her dad will hopefully provide the benefits of regular one-on-one access - what a treat a whole day just the two of them!

Funded fertility treatment for lesbian couples near impossible in Northern Ireland

A lesbian couple who cannot get free fertility treatment claim they are being indirectly discriminated against because of their sexuality.
The women were initially told by health professionals they could be treated by the National Health Service (NHS). But they were "devastated" when that changed. The Department of Health said same-sex couples had "the same eligibility to publicly funded specialist infertility treatment as other couples". According to criteria set out by the department, a couple has to be trying to conceive for three years unsuccessfully or have a medical condition before they are entitled to one free cycle of fertility treatment from the health service. The same criteria applies to heterosexual couples. But the women argue that it is impossible for them to meet the criteria used by the regional fertility centre in Northern Ireland. They said the criteria were drawn up with only a man and woman in mind. The rules need to change as has happened in Scotland, the women said, to accommodate same-sex couples. The couple told the BBC that they cannot afford private treatment. They had approached their GPs and Belfast's regional fertility clinic. "Initially we were jumping around the room, we were so excited that we were going to be put on the waiting list," one of the women, who did not want to be named, said. Conflicting "When we did go to the hospital [we were] told it was only available for heterosexuals and they couldn't fund us. "We felt they were saying: 'No, you are lesbians, there was no equality, we won't help you.'" The women said they approached the BBC because of the conflicting information they received from GPs and other health professionals. They are also accusing the Department of Health of indirect discrimination. 'Committed' "We shouldn't be treated any differently," one of the women said. "It is offered on the NHS to people who are infertile - in a way, we are infertile as we can't have a baby in the way nature intended. "That is through no fault of our own." The woman's partner said they are committed to each other and are in a stable relationship. "We love each other, we want to build a life together and should not be discriminated against," she said. Changing The number of same-sex couples attempting to get pregnant in Northern Ireland is growing. In 2013, about 60 couples sought fertility treatment privately. In the past 18 months that figure has jumped to more than 200. Agenda Tracey McDowell of Here NI, an independent support group for gay and bisexual women, said achieving reproductive rights for same-sex couples is the next stage in their fight for equality. "It is yet another barrier that we have to face and try and overcome," Ms McDowell said. Read more...

Pride Angel Journey - Digger working mummy!

A burst of excitement inside me. A transporter carrying a tractor! And then I remember that I’m driving to work, alone. A wasted sighting and, quite frankly, a wasted transporter and tractor out on these commuter roads at 7.30am. The proper place for such vehicles is of course en route to toddler group or the park at around 9.30am. Along with the dustbin lorries, diggers and fire engines. Woe betides the heavy goods vehicle which has purposes other than the diversion of my small children.
Ideally, we want them to love nature: to watch entranced as the blue tits make their nest in the bird box; to leave no stone unturned in their quest to differentiate a millipede from a centipede; to roam and trudge and stamp and splodge in mud and puddles and miry earth day after rainy day. But whilst they are undeniably happy out there pottering through woodland, climbing on tree stumps and dragging large sticks around, it is only when the thunderous clumsy rumble of a tractor saws through the tranquillity of the countryside that they respond with the delirious excitement of well…a child in a sweet shop? Perhaps it’s time we changed that old idiom to the child in the digger shop… So, we brush away the ideals, because there are many things where there are small children, like joy and chaos and mess and fun – but ideals? No, never. It’s time to embrace the digger love: on hearing the familiar grumble in street, we dash to the bedroom window every Tuesday at 7am to watch the emptying of the wheelie bins. We tell stories of broken cars and transporters driving around mouths in an effort to get teeth brushed. And we take pleasure in the mile after mile of 50mph roadworks on the M62, knowing that there’s a good chance we might catch sight of “digger working, Mummy!” Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 10th March 2016

Buying fertility on the internet: fair play or risky business?

Your voice is needed!
On Tuesday 8 March, UCL is hosting a panel debate entitled ‘Buying fertility on the internet: fair play or risky business?’ The evening will be dedicated to the topic of accessing fertility outside of the regulated UK IVF clinics, and will feature Laura Witjens, CEO of the National Gamete Donation Trust and Lucy Van de Wiel, a Cambridge sociologist specialising in issues in fertility. Chaired by Dan Reisel, research associate at UCL’s Institute for Women’s Health, the debate will cover the pros and cons of buying fertility on the internet. However, there is a voice missing in this debate, and that is the experience of people who have actually done this themselves. As the chair of the debate, I feel strongly that the evening would do the topic a disservice unless someone whose life had been affected by ex-clinic donations was part of the conversation. In particular, it would be important to ensure that we had represented on the panel LGBT people and their experience of accessing fertility services. There are structural inequalities and discriminatory processes that mean that same-gender couples have to pay considerably more at present, and this is one of the main drivers for excellent internet sites such as prideangel.com. In healthcare there is a motto, ‘no decision about me without me’ and this applies to the policy debates concerning assisted fertility as well. The debate is free and open to the public, and will be followed by drinks at UCL’s venerable North Cloisters. Please come along to attend and, if you feel able to, please contact Dan Reisel (d.reisel@ucl.ac.uk) if you want to join us as a panellist. Your personal story is vital and would enrich the panel immeasurably.

Award winning independent production company Ponda Films are working with a leading UK broadcaster to produce a documentary series about co-parenting.

We are currently looking to speak to individuals who are currently looking into or going through the beginnings of the selection process, who are at the start of their journey to finding a co-parent.

Our aim is to make a frank and intelligent documentary that allows those going through the co-parenting process to speak openly about their experiences, treating them with honesty and sensitivity.

If you are currently looking to co-parent and would like to find out more about the documentary please get in touch with Fozia at fozia@ponda.tv. Our conversation would be an opportunity for us to explain more about the project, and learn more from you.  All correspondence is entirely confidential, with no obligation to take part.

We have extensive experience in making sensitive and intelligent programmes on a variety of topics – for more information please visit www.ponda.tv

Lesbian non-bio mum wins IVF daughter appeal

The girl was taken to Pakistan after a relationship ended - but now a court could work to bring the seven-year-old back to the UK.
A lesbian woman battling with her ex-partner for the return of her IVF-born daughter from Pakistan has been given hope by a Supreme Court ruling. The girl’s biological mother and sole legal parent took her out of the UK in 2014, three years after their relationship ended.
But the woman who won today’s decision also considers herself a de facto parent to the seven-year-old - who was conceived by IVF in 2008. Her efforts to force her former partner to bring the girl back to the UK had been blocked by the High Court and Court of Appeal.
They said they could not intervene because the girl was not habitually resident in Britain when the legal action started. However, Supreme Court justices have now overturned those rulings - deciding she had been resident and allowing the woman’s appeal.
The case now goes back to the High Court for a judge to reconsider whether to take steps to bring the girl back from Pakistan. Lawyers say the ruling has important implications.
Maria Wright, from Freemans Solicitors, said: "The consequence of the Supreme Court's decision is that the English court can properly consider what is in (the child's) best interests and, if appropriate, order contact or (the child's) return to England."
Article: 3rd February 2016 www.news.sky.com

A Celistan & Co. Films is currently seeking real people to share their stories regarding Parenting Partnerships for an upcoming television series.

We want to capture the essence of what it takes to go through the journey of co­parenting without the parents having ever been romantically involved. They could be good long time friends or complete strangers, who simply want to come together to create and raise a child.  

We understand how challenging this process may be. We want to help people become the parents they wish to be and be able to provide a modern family unit filled with the love and attention every child deserves.  

For more information and to apply, please send a description of your story along with a recent  

photo and contact information to casting@celistantwins.com​ . SUBJECT LINE should read:​   

PARENTING PARTNERSHIP ­ YOUR NAME.  

 

How women choose sperm donors online - study shows intelligent, shy donors are more sought after

A study into how women choose sperm donors via online websites has revealed men who are intellectual, shy, calm and methodical are selected to produce more children than those who are extroverted. It also highlighted that women choose donors who have a higher income, even though there is no requirement for ongoing parental support.
The study, Determinants of online sperm donor success: how women choose by Stephen Whyte and Professor Benno Torgler from QUT's Queensland Behavioural Economics Group, has been published by the international journal Applied Economic Letters.
"Worldwide demand for sperm donors is so great an informal online market has emerged in which offspring are being produced outside of the more formal fertility clinic setting," said Mr Whyte.
"You would expect in an online setting, men would have to sell or promote themselves to women, and extroverted men should be better at doing that. But what we find is actually the opposite.
"In what we believe is the first study to include males who are donating purely through unregulated websites and forums, we interviewed and collected data from 56 men.
"This online donor market works quite differently to fertility clinics in that it facilitates more interaction between the recipient and the donor. This allows us to explore individual donor personality characteristics and how likely they are to be chosen by women as their donor.
"Women were far less likely to choose the sperm of fretful or socially awkward men but at the same time those with lively, extroverted personalities were also less successful in being chosen."
The participants for the study were aged between 23 and 66 and were from Australia, Canada, the UK, Italy, Sweden and the USA. Data was collected across 2012 and 2013 via online surveys of regulated (paid), semi-regulated and online sperm donation forums and websites such as Pride Angel.
"Research has previously shown humans are good at judging personality traits as well as levels of intelligence with only minimal exposure to appearance and behaviours, and our findings certainly seem to support that," Mr Whyte said.
"We also found that 73 per cent of our participants who had children by donation kept in touch via mail, email, phone, video link or even in person with at least one of their donor children."

Pride Angel Journey - Christmas in Toddlerdom

Luna shakes broken crumbs out of the hollow Christmas tree chocolate on to her plate. “I’m shaking the seeds out.” This is a two-and-a-half-year-old who has eaten a lot more fruit than chocolate. I briefly ponder the idea of planting a chocolate seed and waiting for the tree to grow and fruit. Just briefly though: there’s not much time for pondering with two toddlers loose near a Christmas tree.
Usually it’s just the baubles they go for, or the lights, but I did have to peel half a dozen pine needles off Luna’s tongue on Christmas Day evening; apparently hunger returns relatively quickly after a three-course roast dinner, and hunger coupled with tiredness led not for the first time to eating plants rather than asking for food.
Willow meanwhile, at eighteen months old, spent Christmas Day using his new catchphrase every time a wrapped present appeared: “what’s in there?!” If the wrapping happened to be relatively quick and easy to remove, he would stay the course, but more often than not by the time his question could be answered, he was engaged in using a remote control as a phone, pilfering someone’s keys or hunting for long-lost raisins under furniture.
I have to admit that ‘Jingle Bells’ has really brought on their singing – both can make it right through the chorus if you allow for a sort of mumbly skipping over the awkward line ‘one-horse open sleigh’ and it’s easily taken over ‘Ba Ba Black Sheep’ as the favourite. I have a feeling that by April they’ll have it mastered and we’ll never want to hear any Christmas song ever again.
For both us and the children I think the whole festive period has been a muddle of chaos, bewilderment, excitement and exhaustion. And earlier today I bemoaned the fact that it would likely be years before we could reasonably be part of some sort of adult celebration of New Year.
But lying here in bed at 9pm on New Year’s Eve writing this with a sleeping two-year-old snuggled up against me – a two-year-old who when asked what she wanted for Christmas, replied “mushroom” and whose only wish when she stirred the Christmas pudding was to “eat it”, I know that such innocence is a precious thing and that one day, there’ll be nothing I want more than another Christmas in Toddlerdom.
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 2nd January 2016

Free message credits when you login Christmas and New Year

To celebrate Pride Angel’s 7th Christmas and as a thank you to all our members, we are giving free message credits to all those who login at Christmas and New Year.
How to get your FREE message credits?
Simply log back into Pride Angel or Register if you’re not a member during the Christmas period:


- Login on Christmas day and receive 5 free message credits
- Login on New Year on the 1st January 2016 to receive 5 free message credits
- Or login on Christmas day AND New Year to receive 10 credits!

Your free message credits will be added to your account within 48hrs of you logging in – don’t worry you don’t need to do anything!
It’s also a great idea to update your profile regularly and make sure that all your ‘About you’ details are up to date!
So take advantage and login or register now.
Leave a lasting impression... It’s important to make sure that you are utilising all the tools available to you on the Pride Angel website in order to promote yourself to others.
Here are some quick tips for improving your profile:
- Update your ‘About You’ details: this is your opportunity to talk about your likes, dislikes, your values and interesting facts about you and your life – make sure you fill it in!
- Complete your health questionnaire: this is an important part of a profile for people looking for potential donors, recipients and co-parents. Assure people who are viewing your profile that you have the all clear!
- Add a current photograph: Let people see your face! It’s a common fact that people react to profiles with photographs so to increase your chances of a click through, add a recent photo!

Login and update your profile now.
For all those starting on the path to parenthood, we send our best wishes, and wish you happiness along your journey.
Here’s to a wonderful Christmas and best wishes for the New Year ahead!
Pride Angel
Note: Free message credits will only be added to your account once and only if your account has been verified, regardless of the number of times you log in over this time period. If you do not receive your free message credits by the 4th January, please get in touch.
Article: 24th December 2015 by Pride Angel

NOW CASTING FOR TELEVISION SERIES FEATURING PARENTING PARTNERS

Have you exhausted all possibilities of finding a romantic mate to conceive a child with? Are you currently looking for or are in the middle of partnering with someone to have a baby and simply co­parent? We want to hear your story!
We are currently looking to cast for an upcoming television series that will feature 3 stories including: one single woman, one single man, and an individual who has someone in mind that they’d already like to co­parent with. The series will follow each story as they proceed in a process known as a Parenting Partnership.
Cameras will document the highs and lows of what it actually takes to go through this process; including how each participant exhausted all possibilities of trying to either find someone to have a baby with or conceive a baby, so they decide to find a person with whom they want to simply co­parent with.
We understand how challenging this process may be. We want to help people become the parents they wish to be and be able to provide a modern family unit filled with the love and attention every child deserves.
Location: Nationwide Age Range: 20’s­40’s Payment: TBD Contact: To apply, please send a description of your story along with a recent photo and contact information to casting@celistantwins.com. SUBJECT LINE should read: PARENTING PARTNERSHIP ­ YOUR NAME.

Pride Angel Journey - Extremes

I’ve always been one for extremes: things are black and white, no shades of grey for me. But childhood or parenthood or the place where the two meet is something else.
If you’re looking for opposites, polarisation, antithesis, oxymoron, juxtaposition, then get a small child, or ideally two. You will instantly have enough love, joy and hilarity to last a small village fifty years. Meanwhile any supply you previously had of energy, patience and sanity will immediately vanish without trace.
When they sleep there is the peace of a deserted mountain range, still and reliable and changeless. Until, seconds later they wake with all the noise and chaos of a street market, making imaginative demands like a petulant fairytale king. And then they sleep. And then they wake…
There will be a bountiful supply of mess. Time to clear it up will be measurable in milliseconds. Or in minus hours or minus days…weeks...months…
Because really, the problem is time. If only we could spread this love, joy, hilarity, energy, patience, sanity, sleep, noise, chaos, mess over a lifetime. But what we have is a jumbled few years of extremity and then if we’re careful to preserve them, a lifetime of memories.
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 10th December 2015

Co-parenting journey - Parenting confidence by the short and curlies

As mentioned in ‘Nine weeks and blooming/ballooning’ the decision to take our three month old to America was obviously a tricky one – would the baby be ok travelling long haul? As it happens, our trip was pretty full on. America is a particular place. Air-con, malls, cars, shops, intimidating food portions, fat people and highways running through the city. Why on earth did I think that was just a stereotype? Combine this realisation with a heat wave, being without my partner for four out of seven days, our trip to the Children’s Hospital and hating Boston, Mummy moi was not a happy bunyana. Boston: B****cks to your paltry ‘history’, give me Europe any day of the week. Ahem…
So spurred on by the online community assuring the ease with which I’d travel with a three month old compared with an 18 month old, not having travelled anywhere with any baby, we packed our newly purchased trunk (big enough for the baby to sleep in if needed – weird criterion for a suitcase but that’s where we’d got to, dib dib). In it I put every item of quite considerable baby gubbins we own, a handful of mummy’s undies and off we went. The breast feeding pillow that by day two I’d decided was the embodiment of my ‘parenting confidence’ even had its own rucksack… Little Miss was an absolute ANGEL on the flight. British Airways were great, fast-tracking us and taking care of us on the flight. My partner’s colleague helped entertain Her Nibs on the daytime flight and through some desperate eye-contact / telepathy she suckled for most of the descent. Phew, big lezzo mummy cried with relief as we stepped off the plane that no mishap or sore ears had occurred. Does the good news end there? Kind of… After a positive start to the holiday with a trip to the baseball, the heatwave and realities of mothering in a foreign, oh and did I mention horrible, city unfolded.
The travel sterilizer failed us big time. It left a residue that I’d refuse and Babes wasn’t having it. The mini-bar + heatwave soured the pumped breastmilk. Oh no. So, like it or lump it we switched from combination feeding to breast only. Thank god Left Breast and Right Breast, two creatures quite different in temperament, were up to it. Heroes, frankly, as any mother’s worst fear is not being able to feed baby. Not that she was very interested in feeding – but I wouldn’t want to feed in extremes of heat / air con either.
Then came the afternoon she vomited bloody mucus. Oh did that strike living fear into Big Brave Travelling Mama. Temporarily becalmed by the level head of my (antithetical) partner and a quick google ‘It’s fine if it only happens once’, I persevered. Baby got through the night. Wishing to please my partner: “Why don’t you go to the aquarium?” we crossed town. Quick nappy change before we went in and lo and behold, clear mucus in her nappy. Already on edge from the vomit, BBTM dashed back across town like a bat out of hell running down old women in shopping malls and mentally composing conversations with airlines, insurance companies and emergency services to GET US HOME. Teary tantrum later (again my other half was calmer about the symptoms) we got to Boston Children’s Hospital.
Little One at this point perks up (to be fair, she never actually seemed off kilter in her behaviour). Attendant Doctor declares in his loudest have-a-nice-day-American: “What’s up, this baby looks like a million bucks??” And, actually, she did. She smiled through her examination, she even smiled having her temperature taken rectally. And there was my resplendently gorgeous, and as it turns out, tough, little girl boggling on the examination table without a care in the world and loving the attention. So with her vitals checked and all-clear our holiday continued.
Still very much on edge, I was thrilled to leave Boston behind in our all-American hire car. As a much needed respite we stayed with family friends next. Baby woke from her car journey to five children all clamouring to be in her face. Again, she smiled and took it in her stride. Most of the visit was spent with our ‘supermom’ friend telling me what a ‘first time mom’ I was being. Fine, I can take it. But it doesn’t exactly take the angst away. Without our little break in a real home (replete with baby weighing scales to reassure me that she was actually getting some milk) I wouldn’t have coped with New York. It did at least, have something about it as a place. A very lucky, wonderful Airbnb apartment made for an almost pleasurable stay; but boy is the Empire State building a scary place at dusk with the world and his dog up there and a baby in a sling. Every disaster scenario under the sun coursed through my mind.
Thoroughly exhausted in every respect we returned on the red eye flight. The lady next to us liked the look of Baby so much I concluded she actually wanted to eat her; still, they were supportive of our parenting needs and I ceased resenting them for booking a bulkhead seat and NOT having a baby. Back in Blighty, met by my dad, the sibilant rasp of whispered discussions betwixt two fraught parents abated; my rubbed raw nerves relaxed as we took in the now temperate climate… Ah home. An hour later my partner was asleep face down on the living room floor, and my heart-rate was almost normal. I glanced at my little travelling Babes, two weeks’ older than when we’d left. Calmly propped up on the sofa like a pig in poo she had her TV face on and was watching the Davis Cup. What a laid back girl she’d been in the face of my meltdown.
I’d fundamentally misconceived the question. It wasn’t a case of ‘would the baby handle the trip’, it was whether I would handle the trip. I hung in there, but boy did it test my mettle. I certainly wouldn’t do it again for America.

Chinese or oriental origin? Can you help by donating eggs to a couple in need?

Dear All,
We are fervently searching for an altruistic egg donor who is willing to be known and contactable when the child reaches 18, or to keep in touch before then, if everyone is happy to. I am Singapore Chinese but we’d be happy to hear from donors of any oriental background, or perhaps South America, Tibet, Himalayas, where people have similar characteristics.
We didn't get married until I was 41 and started trying at 42. We spent much time and savings trying IVF six times with four different clinics, including Array CGH. We also needed ICSI. The last time we tried was in March 2010, when I was 45. This contributed to a toll on our marriage and we had couples counselling that year.
I think some people who suggest adoption rather than egg donation don’t understand the feeling of wanting to physically connect - I was adopted at birth by western parents, so had been brought up missing all the genetic family comparisons. It felt like a twisted blow when I realised I couldn’t have a child of my own to share my character traits with either. At least if we have egg donation my husband’s genes would be there and I’d dearly like to give birth to the child myself rather than use a surrogate.
We have visited all of the stalls at the London Fertility Show but most clinics only use anonymous donors and there are never any oriental ones there. It’s hard for us to sign up to these as we think it better if the child is given the opportunity to know who their biological parent is and what the circumstances are.
There is a demand for oriental egg donors but traditional Chinese do not believe in donating body parts and some donor agencies want endless fees. We went to Thailand and the US to speak to clinics and agents however we found it all very commercial. We’d rather someone donated who really wants to help and doesn’t see it as a regular income; also donating too often may not be good for the donor’s own welfare, although some agencies encourage it.
Life has whizzed by and I’m now fifty, fit and healthy as far as I know but on the edge of time for acceptance into UK clinics. Dear husband is forty-two.
We are praying and hoping there is someone out there who can donate or egg share, where perhaps they need someone to help pay the costs of their own IVF treatment. That could be us? We’d love to speak to you if you feel you can genuinely help. We are registered with the lovely Pride Angel if you’d like to contact us - our photo is also posted there.
Kind regards,

Are you a lesbian mum? Did you egg share with your partner?

ARE YOU A LESBIAN MOTHER?
DID YOU AND YOUR PARTNER CONCEIVE THROUGH IVF?
DID YOU SHARE YOUR EGG WITH YOUR PARTNER, WHO CARRIED YOUR PREGNANCY?
IF YOU CONCEIVED THROUGH INTRA-PARTNER EGG SHARING (ALSO KNOWN AS RECIPROCAL IVF), YOUR CHILD IS OVER THE AGE OF ONE AND YOU ARE WILLING TO SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES OF BECOMING A MOTHER, I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!
My name is Laura Bottomley and I am doing this research project as part of my doctorate in Counselling Psychology at City University. It is supervised by Dr Deborah Rafalin, Registered Psychologist and Senior Lecturer (D.Rafalin@city.ac.uk).
Participating in this research will involve meeting with me for approximately 1½ – 2 hours, to share and discuss your experiences of becoming a mother. I hope that sharing your story in a safe and supportive environment will be a positive experience for you, that allows your voice to be heard and you the space to think about and process this important period in your life. I further hope that your willingness to share your experiences will benefit other women who conceive their families in this way, and that this knowledge that you are helping others will be rewarding for you. I hope that through sharing your story and illuminating some of the challenges and joys these women may face, their friends, families and the services and professionals involved during this period will be better informed and therefore better able to support them and meet their needs.
Please know that your participation in the research will be kept confidential and no information that could lead to the identification of any individual will be disclosed in any reports on the research or to any other party.
If you are interested in sharing your story, or would like to find out more, please give me a call/text on 07951 893 443, or email me at: laura.bottomley.1@city.ac.uk
This study has been reviewed by, and received ethics clearance through the City University London Psychology Department Research Ethics Committee, City University London [Ref: PSYETH (P/L) 15/16 04].
If you would like to complain about any aspect of the study, please contact the Secretary to the University’s Senate Research Ethics Committee on 020 7040 3040 or via email: Anna.Ramberg.1@city.ac.uk
Read more about lesbian parenting options at www.prideangel.com

Co-parenting journey - 9 weeks and blooming/ballooning

My not-so-little little girl (the Jewish mum in me swells with pride at the burgeoning double chin and tummy) is doing just fine. So much so that we’re electing to take her to the ‘states on a family trip. Bolstered by the online blog posts claiming that it’s easier to travel with a 2-3 month old than an 18 month old I’m taking heart and going for it – my next blog may mention the results!
My partner and I have agreed I should ‘modify’ my expectations for how much I’ll get to see and do. In our household this means lower them. After all, if I can’t get out of the house until beyond lunchtime in a sweat of stress at home, why should it be any different abroad? I’ve never been the U.S., am a born explorer and used to the freedom of pounding streets and crannies unencumbered. Much as I have now physically achieved lifting the baby, nappy bag, two parts of the heavy pram up three flights of stairs at a time (just one of many rites of passage for any mother worth her salt), it isn’t quite my idea of a fun time so the trip should be an interesting one. I need to realise the extent of my travel restrictions for the next 5 years. Wouldn’t a routine help? The mere word sends shivers down the spine…..
Much as my little sweetheart is a very good baby by all accounts, let’s be clear: showering, brushing my teeth and getting fully dressed in a day is still a victory. From 6-8 weeks the likes of Gina Ford start carping about routines and structure for the baby. My partner is all for this. But it falls down at the point of being me, 24/7 Mummy, who has to deliver it.
One fateful Monday my partner worked from home to oversee our first attempt at a routine. More implied than overt we both knew it wouldn’t happen left to me alone. One hour to feed and change, one to play and a 1.5 hour nap from waking. Not so hard, huh? Of course Little Beans had other ideas and not only did it fail but it took with it the previous few days’ of almost-routine behaviour, taking us on a completely new trajectory of hourly waking from 4am onwards. Most unforeseen.
By 7am I was comatose and my partner chucked her at my nipple in bed so she could go to work; I blocked out the pain of the resulting shallow bed-latch position with sleep. So, turnips to routines! Though I admit we could have tried it for more than 24 hours and would be happy to hear from people who have got it to work (and how!). Wearing a wristwatch might help but frankly, but it just ain’t me.
Along the rocky road of early parenthood we’ve often disagreed. This is no surprise - we’re behaving exactly to ‘type’ (of which we are opposites) and it can get frustrating. The bottom line is that when she does cry we both get stressed. And with that stress comes blame. And that word again, routine. It just won’t go away.
Talking to the other NCT girls’ their partners defer to them as ‘the birth mummy’, taking full account of every hormone and thought of cataclysm that intractably joins birth mummy and baby. It makes for more harmonious households by the sounds of things – certainly much less DISCUSSION at every juncture. “How much bottle shall we give her?”, “How many layers should she wear?”, “She’s too hot”, “No, she’s hungry!” No such luck in a single sex household. How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? God, please, not two!
Anecdotally and unsurprisingly, our girl wears a lot of baby blue. In fact she bloomin’ well rocks pale grey and pale blue. Lucky she is secure in her gender identity as her main wardrobe is cast-offs from her older future boyfriend (platonic – we’re not casting aspersions on her sexuality as yet – does four gay parents increase the likelihood of her being a lesbian? Let’s hope so! Heheh…) who at 10 weeks old has hit 8kg / 17lb and exceeded 99.6 percentile. Good work my man, they’ll be re-drawing the scales with all the large baby boys coming into this world of late. And well done my cute as a button little 25th percentile sweetheart.
Article: Two excited mums 28th October 2015

Pride Angel Journey - Newspaper cuttings

October 18, 2015 18:41 by PrideAngelAdmin

Every couple of months we pile into the car and land two hours later (or up to four hours depending on the number of potty, nappy, milky, lost toy, food, unstuck sun-blind, sick stops required) at my parents’ house for a few nights. While the children settle in by strewing around the house handfuls of 1970’s/80’s toys, revived from a third-of-a-century hibernation in the loft, I unpack the case and leaf through the dozen or so newspaper cuttings my mum has left for me on the bedside table. An advertisement for chewable toothbrushes for babies, a piece from the local paper about a girl I went to school with…and an article from The Telegraph earlier this year entitled: ‘Is it time to question the ethics of donor conception’. (Of course for some this would be a fairly clear message about their parents’ feelings on donor conception – I, though, simply saw this as a matter of my mum seeing the phrase ‘donor conception’ and automatically reaching for her scissors).
Well, I’ll be honest, it wasn’t an encouraging read, especially since the negative views stressed were those of donor-conceived children of the past forty years or so. And it made me realise that no matter how hard we try to provide opportunities, role models, how hard we try to get it right, there may still come a day when, for example, we need to listen with love and acknowledgement and acceptance to the remonstrances of a furious or miserable adolescent who wants a dad.
But if any part of me starts to question the ethics of our decision to use donor conception, I just need to look at these two beautiful children – beautiful people and remember that outside of donor conception, they couldn’t exist. They are, as we all are, part of that tiny number, those lucky few, that one in a million and something chance of a particular egg and sperm meeting because chance just happened to mean that both were in a certain place at a certain time while some number stretching to infinity tells of the sperm/egg combinations that did never, can never, will never occur. And as the even more unlikely combination of a lesbian woman’s egg and a heterosexual man’s sperm, a lesbian woman and heterosexual man whose lives in no way overlapped until Pride Angel, chance must surely be on their side...
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 18th October 2015

Woman's Facebook rant about Fertility gets shared by 40,000 people

Emily Bingham has received praise from many young women after a Facebook post she wrote about women and fertility became wildly popular.
The freelance writer, based in Michigan, America, made the point that phttps://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3857675866110314515#editor/src=dashboardeople should stop incessantly asking fertility-aged women when they are having children.
The post was shared nearly 40,000 times, with scores of women applauding her for what she said. She shared an ultrasound image she found on the internet, and wrote a long post about fertility expectations.
It said: "Hey everyone!!! Now that I got your attention with this RANDOM ULTRASOUND PHOTO I grabbed from a Google image search, this is just a friendly P.S.A. that people's reproductive and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
"Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family ... before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works ... before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock's ticking ... just stop. Please stop.
"You don't know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues. You don't know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn't right. You don't know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids. You don't know who has decided it's not for them right now, or not for them ever.
"You don't know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. Sure, for some people those questions may not cause any fraught feelings -- but I can tell you, from my own experiences and hearing about many friends' experiences -- it more than likely does.
"Bottom line: Whether you are a wanna-be grandparent or a well-intentioned friend or family member or a nosy neighbor, it's absolutely none of your business. Ask someone what they're excited about right now. Ask them what the best part of their day was.
"If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you. If you're curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready."
She clarified in a further comment that the rant was inspired in part by a friend of hers, who struggled for a year with fertility treatment to get pregnant, and then was asked a mere month after her child was born, when 'baby number two' was coming.
Women really liked the post, leaving positive comments. Seraphina Maria commented: "I love you so much. People asking me about my child bearing plans drives me up a tree. Be they my parents or PERFECT STRANGERS, because that happens all too often."
Lindsay VanHulle wrote: "Can I like this a million times?"
This follows Kim Catrell's speech on Women's Hour, where she questioned the term 'childless'. “The ‘less’ in childless,” she argued, “sounds like you’re ‘less’ [of a woman] because you haven’t got a child.” She argued that there is too much of a pressure on women to have children.
Article: 28th September 2015 www.telegraph.co.uk
Read more about Fertility and finding a sperm donor at www.prideangel.com