Chinese or oriental origin? Can you help by donating eggs to a couple in need?

Dear All,
We are fervently searching for an altruistic egg donor who is willing to be known and contactable when the child reaches 18, or to keep in touch before then, if everyone is happy to. I am Singapore Chinese but we’d be happy to hear from donors of any oriental background, or perhaps South America, Tibet, Himalayas, where people have similar characteristics.
We didn't get married until I was 41 and started trying at 42. We spent much time and savings trying IVF six times with four different clinics, including Array CGH. We also needed ICSI. The last time we tried was in March 2010, when I was 45. This contributed to a toll on our marriage and we had couples counselling that year.
I think some people who suggest adoption rather than egg donation don’t understand the feeling of wanting to physically connect - I was adopted at birth by western parents, so had been brought up missing all the genetic family comparisons. It felt like a twisted blow when I realised I couldn’t have a child of my own to share my character traits with either. At least if we have egg donation my husband’s genes would be there and I’d dearly like to give birth to the child myself rather than use a surrogate.
We have visited all of the stalls at the London Fertility Show but most clinics only use anonymous donors and there are never any oriental ones there. It’s hard for us to sign up to these as we think it better if the child is given the opportunity to know who their biological parent is and what the circumstances are.
There is a demand for oriental egg donors but traditional Chinese do not believe in donating body parts and some donor agencies want endless fees. We went to Thailand and the US to speak to clinics and agents however we found it all very commercial. We’d rather someone donated who really wants to help and doesn’t see it as a regular income; also donating too often may not be good for the donor’s own welfare, although some agencies encourage it.
Life has whizzed by and I’m now fifty, fit and healthy as far as I know but on the edge of time for acceptance into UK clinics. Dear husband is forty-two.
We are praying and hoping there is someone out there who can donate or egg share, where perhaps they need someone to help pay the costs of their own IVF treatment. That could be us? We’d love to speak to you if you feel you can genuinely help. We are registered with the lovely Pride Angel if you’d like to contact us - our photo is also posted there.
Kind regards,

Are you a lesbian mum? Did you egg share with your partner?

ARE YOU A LESBIAN MOTHER?
DID YOU AND YOUR PARTNER CONCEIVE THROUGH IVF?
DID YOU SHARE YOUR EGG WITH YOUR PARTNER, WHO CARRIED YOUR PREGNANCY?
IF YOU CONCEIVED THROUGH INTRA-PARTNER EGG SHARING (ALSO KNOWN AS RECIPROCAL IVF), YOUR CHILD IS OVER THE AGE OF ONE AND YOU ARE WILLING TO SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES OF BECOMING A MOTHER, I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!
My name is Laura Bottomley and I am doing this research project as part of my doctorate in Counselling Psychology at City University. It is supervised by Dr Deborah Rafalin, Registered Psychologist and Senior Lecturer (D.Rafalin@city.ac.uk).
Participating in this research will involve meeting with me for approximately 1½ – 2 hours, to share and discuss your experiences of becoming a mother. I hope that sharing your story in a safe and supportive environment will be a positive experience for you, that allows your voice to be heard and you the space to think about and process this important period in your life. I further hope that your willingness to share your experiences will benefit other women who conceive their families in this way, and that this knowledge that you are helping others will be rewarding for you. I hope that through sharing your story and illuminating some of the challenges and joys these women may face, their friends, families and the services and professionals involved during this period will be better informed and therefore better able to support them and meet their needs.
Please know that your participation in the research will be kept confidential and no information that could lead to the identification of any individual will be disclosed in any reports on the research or to any other party.
If you are interested in sharing your story, or would like to find out more, please give me a call/text on 07951 893 443, or email me at: laura.bottomley.1@city.ac.uk
This study has been reviewed by, and received ethics clearance through the City University London Psychology Department Research Ethics Committee, City University London [Ref: PSYETH (P/L) 15/16 04].
If you would like to complain about any aspect of the study, please contact the Secretary to the University’s Senate Research Ethics Committee on 020 7040 3040 or via email: Anna.Ramberg.1@city.ac.uk
Read more about lesbian parenting options at www.prideangel.com

Co-parenting journey - 9 weeks and blooming/ballooning

My not-so-little little girl (the Jewish mum in me swells with pride at the burgeoning double chin and tummy) is doing just fine. So much so that we’re electing to take her to the ‘states on a family trip. Bolstered by the online blog posts claiming that it’s easier to travel with a 2-3 month old than an 18 month old I’m taking heart and going for it – my next blog may mention the results!
My partner and I have agreed I should ‘modify’ my expectations for how much I’ll get to see and do. In our household this means lower them. After all, if I can’t get out of the house until beyond lunchtime in a sweat of stress at home, why should it be any different abroad? I’ve never been the U.S., am a born explorer and used to the freedom of pounding streets and crannies unencumbered. Much as I have now physically achieved lifting the baby, nappy bag, two parts of the heavy pram up three flights of stairs at a time (just one of many rites of passage for any mother worth her salt), it isn’t quite my idea of a fun time so the trip should be an interesting one. I need to realise the extent of my travel restrictions for the next 5 years. Wouldn’t a routine help? The mere word sends shivers down the spine…..
Much as my little sweetheart is a very good baby by all accounts, let’s be clear: showering, brushing my teeth and getting fully dressed in a day is still a victory. From 6-8 weeks the likes of Gina Ford start carping about routines and structure for the baby. My partner is all for this. But it falls down at the point of being me, 24/7 Mummy, who has to deliver it.
One fateful Monday my partner worked from home to oversee our first attempt at a routine. More implied than overt we both knew it wouldn’t happen left to me alone. One hour to feed and change, one to play and a 1.5 hour nap from waking. Not so hard, huh? Of course Little Beans had other ideas and not only did it fail but it took with it the previous few days’ of almost-routine behaviour, taking us on a completely new trajectory of hourly waking from 4am onwards. Most unforeseen.
By 7am I was comatose and my partner chucked her at my nipple in bed so she could go to work; I blocked out the pain of the resulting shallow bed-latch position with sleep. So, turnips to routines! Though I admit we could have tried it for more than 24 hours and would be happy to hear from people who have got it to work (and how!). Wearing a wristwatch might help but frankly, but it just ain’t me.
Along the rocky road of early parenthood we’ve often disagreed. This is no surprise - we’re behaving exactly to ‘type’ (of which we are opposites) and it can get frustrating. The bottom line is that when she does cry we both get stressed. And with that stress comes blame. And that word again, routine. It just won’t go away.
Talking to the other NCT girls’ their partners defer to them as ‘the birth mummy’, taking full account of every hormone and thought of cataclysm that intractably joins birth mummy and baby. It makes for more harmonious households by the sounds of things – certainly much less DISCUSSION at every juncture. “How much bottle shall we give her?”, “How many layers should she wear?”, “She’s too hot”, “No, she’s hungry!” No such luck in a single sex household. How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? God, please, not two!
Anecdotally and unsurprisingly, our girl wears a lot of baby blue. In fact she bloomin’ well rocks pale grey and pale blue. Lucky she is secure in her gender identity as her main wardrobe is cast-offs from her older future boyfriend (platonic – we’re not casting aspersions on her sexuality as yet – does four gay parents increase the likelihood of her being a lesbian? Let’s hope so! Heheh…) who at 10 weeks old has hit 8kg / 17lb and exceeded 99.6 percentile. Good work my man, they’ll be re-drawing the scales with all the large baby boys coming into this world of late. And well done my cute as a button little 25th percentile sweetheart.
Article: Two excited mums 28th October 2015

Pride Angel Journey - Newspaper cuttings

October 18, 2015 18:41 by PrideAngelAdmin

Every couple of months we pile into the car and land two hours later (or up to four hours depending on the number of potty, nappy, milky, lost toy, food, unstuck sun-blind, sick stops required) at my parents’ house for a few nights. While the children settle in by strewing around the house handfuls of 1970’s/80’s toys, revived from a third-of-a-century hibernation in the loft, I unpack the case and leaf through the dozen or so newspaper cuttings my mum has left for me on the bedside table. An advertisement for chewable toothbrushes for babies, a piece from the local paper about a girl I went to school with…and an article from The Telegraph earlier this year entitled: ‘Is it time to question the ethics of donor conception’. (Of course for some this would be a fairly clear message about their parents’ feelings on donor conception – I, though, simply saw this as a matter of my mum seeing the phrase ‘donor conception’ and automatically reaching for her scissors).
Well, I’ll be honest, it wasn’t an encouraging read, especially since the negative views stressed were those of donor-conceived children of the past forty years or so. And it made me realise that no matter how hard we try to provide opportunities, role models, how hard we try to get it right, there may still come a day when, for example, we need to listen with love and acknowledgement and acceptance to the remonstrances of a furious or miserable adolescent who wants a dad.
But if any part of me starts to question the ethics of our decision to use donor conception, I just need to look at these two beautiful children – beautiful people and remember that outside of donor conception, they couldn’t exist. They are, as we all are, part of that tiny number, those lucky few, that one in a million and something chance of a particular egg and sperm meeting because chance just happened to mean that both were in a certain place at a certain time while some number stretching to infinity tells of the sperm/egg combinations that did never, can never, will never occur. And as the even more unlikely combination of a lesbian woman’s egg and a heterosexual man’s sperm, a lesbian woman and heterosexual man whose lives in no way overlapped until Pride Angel, chance must surely be on their side...
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 18th October 2015

Woman's Facebook rant about Fertility gets shared by 40,000 people

Emily Bingham has received praise from many young women after a Facebook post she wrote about women and fertility became wildly popular.
The freelance writer, based in Michigan, America, made the point that phttps://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3857675866110314515#editor/src=dashboardeople should stop incessantly asking fertility-aged women when they are having children.
The post was shared nearly 40,000 times, with scores of women applauding her for what she said. She shared an ultrasound image she found on the internet, and wrote a long post about fertility expectations.
It said: "Hey everyone!!! Now that I got your attention with this RANDOM ULTRASOUND PHOTO I grabbed from a Google image search, this is just a friendly P.S.A. that people's reproductive and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
"Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family ... before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works ... before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock's ticking ... just stop. Please stop.
"You don't know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues. You don't know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn't right. You don't know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids. You don't know who has decided it's not for them right now, or not for them ever.
"You don't know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. Sure, for some people those questions may not cause any fraught feelings -- but I can tell you, from my own experiences and hearing about many friends' experiences -- it more than likely does.
"Bottom line: Whether you are a wanna-be grandparent or a well-intentioned friend or family member or a nosy neighbor, it's absolutely none of your business. Ask someone what they're excited about right now. Ask them what the best part of their day was.
"If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you. If you're curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready."
She clarified in a further comment that the rant was inspired in part by a friend of hers, who struggled for a year with fertility treatment to get pregnant, and then was asked a mere month after her child was born, when 'baby number two' was coming.
Women really liked the post, leaving positive comments. Seraphina Maria commented: "I love you so much. People asking me about my child bearing plans drives me up a tree. Be they my parents or PERFECT STRANGERS, because that happens all too often."
Lindsay VanHulle wrote: "Can I like this a million times?"
This follows Kim Catrell's speech on Women's Hour, where she questioned the term 'childless'. “The ‘less’ in childless,” she argued, “sounds like you’re ‘less’ [of a woman] because you haven’t got a child.” She argued that there is too much of a pressure on women to have children.
Article: 28th September 2015 www.telegraph.co.uk
Read more about Fertility and finding a sperm donor at www.prideangel.com

Pride Angel Journey - Wearing Pink Pyjamas

In the 70’s when I grew up my mum tells me that for purchasing baby and toddler clothes, there was only really Mothercare. I guess they sold dresses and stuff, but when I look back at old family albums, for the most part I seem to be pottering around (with my pageboy hairstyle) wearing brown or blue dungarees. And when you flick ahead, there he is, my brother wearing the very same clothes two years later.
Now, however, Everywhere sells baby and toddler clothes. And Everywhere is well aware that if you polarise them by gender, as long as enough people have both a boy AND a girl, you can sell double the quantity. Same as for toys.
So it’s pastel with a heavy smattering of pink frills – flowers, butterflies and Peppa Pig. Or primary colours with diggers, tractors, and Thomas the Tank Engine.
Now, within weeks of Luna’s birth we quickly realised he speed at which clothes are outgrown. And whilst after the first year or so, the outgrowing panic settles a little as they stop growing ten centimetres every time you turn your head, having ‘one of each’ wasn’t going to stop us getting a bit more wear out of those clothes.
So Willow wears Luna’s pink sleepsuits, pink inflatable swimming costume and the odd floral t-shirt when the digger ones are in the wash.
It’s not just the money and waste though. Luna’s puddle suit and wellies have lorries and concrete mixers on – her current obsession. ‘Boys’’ dungarees can be more practical for exploring the garden. But a dress is handy when you’re potty learning…
Nevertheless, the pink sleepsuits in particular haven’t gone unnoticed by one or two male family members. I’m not immune to ‘what people think’ and I’m sure as our children get older, they won’t be either. And I understand that people have concerns about lesbian mummies raising boys (for some reason raising girls seems to be less of an issue). It’s true that we do need to take responsibility for making sure that in years to come, Willow knows how to be a man, and I’m aware that as he grows older we need to think about how we can put him in the path of suitable male role models: there is much to being a man, and I know little of it. But I’m fairly sure it has very little to do with the colour of your pyjamas, pink or otherwise.
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 14th September 2015

Are couples being conned into IVF fertility treatment?

Fertility pioneer ROBERT WINSTON delivers a devastating attack that will send shockwaves through the health service
• Professor Robert Winston has worked in fertility for 40 years
• Says many couples are being exploited by a grasping, unethical industry
• He believes that the government and NHS are not doing enough to help
Babies are noisy, deprive you of sleep, destroy free time and are extremely expensive. Yet we feel like melting when we see them: their wide, gummy smiles, the adorable way they curl their tiny fingers around your thumb. This is not rational - it's in our genes. The urge to reproduce is burnt into human consciousness. It is innate, instinctual, essentially programmed through evolution.
But what if you are infertile? I have spent nearly 40 years talking and listening to people devastated by their lack of offspring, believing they are not 'proper' women or not 'proper' men. We have made considerable strides in fertility treatment. But the sad fact is that more and more infertile couples are being exploited by an increasingly grasping industry that frequently ignores ethical standards. And neither the Government nor the NHS are doing nearly enough to help.
It is not only some doctors who are responsible. Many commercial practices, run by people who have little or no professional training, are offering homespun treatments that simply do not work.
As a doctor who has been so closely involved with fertility treatment, I deeply regret that in vitro fertilisation (IVF) has become so commercial. I had thought practitioners would be sensitive enough to realise that they were dealing with people at their most fragile.
Such is my anger that I felt compelled to write a book. It will no doubt be very unpopular with some of my colleagues because it is critical of so much medical practice. But my aim is purely to help people to ask their doctors the right questions and to understand the treatment they are offered.
I am proud that Britain led the way in pioneering IVF. But it has become immensely profitable - and the truth about its success rates is frequently hidden. Each IVF treatment is, on average, only successful in under one-third of cases. Of course, it can be repeated - at great cost, often with much anxiety. But people are led to believe that it is the only treatment available to them - and the most successful. This is utterly wrong.
There is excellent evidence that more than half of those referred to IVF could be treated as or more successfully by far cheaper alternatives. If you went to your doctor complaining of chest pain and were immediately referred for open-heart surgery without proper investigation you would think: 'What a dreadful doctor!' That pain might be due to indigestion, chest disease, a sore rib, or a viral infection.
But now the chances are that if you complain of infertility, you will be referred straight to an IVF clinic - where there may be no proper attempt at making a diagnosis.
To fail to find the cause of any symptom is bad, irresponsible medicine. Each cause of infertility - and there are many - may need a different course of action. IVF most frequently fails when the underlying cause is not first established.
The NHS is much to blame. So often, it does not take infertility seriously. The guidelines for treatment are laughable. As soon as possible, patients are shunted into the private sector.
Then there is the cost: unquestionably, IVF should not cost nearly as much as what is commonly charged - anywhere up to £5,000. Even NHS hospitals frequently make a profit that goes to support other services.
Read more ...