Woman's Facebook rant about Fertility gets shared by 40,000 people

Emily Bingham has received praise from many young women after a Facebook post she wrote about women and fertility became wildly popular.
The freelance writer, based in Michigan, America, made the point that phttps://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3857675866110314515#editor/src=dashboardeople should stop incessantly asking fertility-aged women when they are having children.
The post was shared nearly 40,000 times, with scores of women applauding her for what she said. She shared an ultrasound image she found on the internet, and wrote a long post about fertility expectations.
It said: "Hey everyone!!! Now that I got your attention with this RANDOM ULTRASOUND PHOTO I grabbed from a Google image search, this is just a friendly P.S.A. that people's reproductive and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
"Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family ... before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works ... before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock's ticking ... just stop. Please stop.
"You don't know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues. You don't know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn't right. You don't know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids. You don't know who has decided it's not for them right now, or not for them ever.
"You don't know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. Sure, for some people those questions may not cause any fraught feelings -- but I can tell you, from my own experiences and hearing about many friends' experiences -- it more than likely does.
"Bottom line: Whether you are a wanna-be grandparent or a well-intentioned friend or family member or a nosy neighbor, it's absolutely none of your business. Ask someone what they're excited about right now. Ask them what the best part of their day was.
"If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you. If you're curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready."
She clarified in a further comment that the rant was inspired in part by a friend of hers, who struggled for a year with fertility treatment to get pregnant, and then was asked a mere month after her child was born, when 'baby number two' was coming.
Women really liked the post, leaving positive comments. Seraphina Maria commented: "I love you so much. People asking me about my child bearing plans drives me up a tree. Be they my parents or PERFECT STRANGERS, because that happens all too often."
Lindsay VanHulle wrote: "Can I like this a million times?"
This follows Kim Catrell's speech on Women's Hour, where she questioned the term 'childless'. “The ‘less’ in childless,” she argued, “sounds like you’re ‘less’ [of a woman] because you haven’t got a child.” She argued that there is too much of a pressure on women to have children.
Article: 28th September 2015 www.telegraph.co.uk
Read more about Fertility and finding a sperm donor at www.prideangel.com

Pride Angel Journey - Wearing Pink Pyjamas

In the 70’s when I grew up my mum tells me that for purchasing baby and toddler clothes, there was only really Mothercare. I guess they sold dresses and stuff, but when I look back at old family albums, for the most part I seem to be pottering around (with my pageboy hairstyle) wearing brown or blue dungarees. And when you flick ahead, there he is, my brother wearing the very same clothes two years later.
Now, however, Everywhere sells baby and toddler clothes. And Everywhere is well aware that if you polarise them by gender, as long as enough people have both a boy AND a girl, you can sell double the quantity. Same as for toys.
So it’s pastel with a heavy smattering of pink frills – flowers, butterflies and Peppa Pig. Or primary colours with diggers, tractors, and Thomas the Tank Engine.
Now, within weeks of Luna’s birth we quickly realised he speed at which clothes are outgrown. And whilst after the first year or so, the outgrowing panic settles a little as they stop growing ten centimetres every time you turn your head, having ‘one of each’ wasn’t going to stop us getting a bit more wear out of those clothes.
So Willow wears Luna’s pink sleepsuits, pink inflatable swimming costume and the odd floral t-shirt when the digger ones are in the wash.
It’s not just the money and waste though. Luna’s puddle suit and wellies have lorries and concrete mixers on – her current obsession. ‘Boys’’ dungarees can be more practical for exploring the garden. But a dress is handy when you’re potty learning…
Nevertheless, the pink sleepsuits in particular haven’t gone unnoticed by one or two male family members. I’m not immune to ‘what people think’ and I’m sure as our children get older, they won’t be either. And I understand that people have concerns about lesbian mummies raising boys (for some reason raising girls seems to be less of an issue). It’s true that we do need to take responsibility for making sure that in years to come, Willow knows how to be a man, and I’m aware that as he grows older we need to think about how we can put him in the path of suitable male role models: there is much to being a man, and I know little of it. But I’m fairly sure it has very little to do with the colour of your pyjamas, pink or otherwise.
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 14th September 2015

Are couples being conned into IVF fertility treatment?

Fertility pioneer ROBERT WINSTON delivers a devastating attack that will send shockwaves through the health service
• Professor Robert Winston has worked in fertility for 40 years
• Says many couples are being exploited by a grasping, unethical industry
• He believes that the government and NHS are not doing enough to help
Babies are noisy, deprive you of sleep, destroy free time and are extremely expensive. Yet we feel like melting when we see them: their wide, gummy smiles, the adorable way they curl their tiny fingers around your thumb. This is not rational - it's in our genes. The urge to reproduce is burnt into human consciousness. It is innate, instinctual, essentially programmed through evolution.
But what if you are infertile? I have spent nearly 40 years talking and listening to people devastated by their lack of offspring, believing they are not 'proper' women or not 'proper' men. We have made considerable strides in fertility treatment. But the sad fact is that more and more infertile couples are being exploited by an increasingly grasping industry that frequently ignores ethical standards. And neither the Government nor the NHS are doing nearly enough to help.
It is not only some doctors who are responsible. Many commercial practices, run by people who have little or no professional training, are offering homespun treatments that simply do not work.
As a doctor who has been so closely involved with fertility treatment, I deeply regret that in vitro fertilisation (IVF) has become so commercial. I had thought practitioners would be sensitive enough to realise that they were dealing with people at their most fragile.
Such is my anger that I felt compelled to write a book. It will no doubt be very unpopular with some of my colleagues because it is critical of so much medical practice. But my aim is purely to help people to ask their doctors the right questions and to understand the treatment they are offered.
I am proud that Britain led the way in pioneering IVF. But it has become immensely profitable - and the truth about its success rates is frequently hidden. Each IVF treatment is, on average, only successful in under one-third of cases. Of course, it can be repeated - at great cost, often with much anxiety. But people are led to believe that it is the only treatment available to them - and the most successful. This is utterly wrong.
There is excellent evidence that more than half of those referred to IVF could be treated as or more successfully by far cheaper alternatives. If you went to your doctor complaining of chest pain and were immediately referred for open-heart surgery without proper investigation you would think: 'What a dreadful doctor!' That pain might be due to indigestion, chest disease, a sore rib, or a viral infection.
But now the chances are that if you complain of infertility, you will be referred straight to an IVF clinic - where there may be no proper attempt at making a diagnosis.
To fail to find the cause of any symptom is bad, irresponsible medicine. Each cause of infertility - and there are many - may need a different course of action. IVF most frequently fails when the underlying cause is not first established.
The NHS is much to blame. So often, it does not take infertility seriously. The guidelines for treatment are laughable. As soon as possible, patients are shunted into the private sector.
Then there is the cost: unquestionably, IVF should not cost nearly as much as what is commonly charged - anywhere up to £5,000. Even NHS hospitals frequently make a profit that goes to support other services.
Read more ...

Join us at Manchester Pride this Weekend

Join us at this years Manchester Pride, for celebrations in Manchester's world famous Gay Village as we mark the 25th anniversary of charity fundraising events celebrating LGBT life in Manchester.* From full Big Weekend Tickets and Day Tickets to Children's Tickets and Platinum Passes, there's a ticket with your name all over it!
There's a fanastic line up this year, with Texas performing Friday evening, Alesha Dixon and DJ Fresh on Saturday, Danni Minogue and Atomic Kitten on Sunday and Union J on Monday, along with many more fantastic performers.
The Pride Parade will set off at 1pm on the Saturday. The theme for this year is 'Devotion.' Manchester is a city devoted to embracing and celebrating diversity, especially the LGBT communities that have helped shaped Manchester's cultural heritage and landscape over the centuries. We want people to celebrate the fact that Manchester is proud of its LGBT history and shares in its future. We want people to shout about who or what they are 'Devoted to...' For example 'I'm Devoted to my wife or girlfriend,' 'Manchester is devoted to showing its support to its LGBT community,' whoever or whatever you're devoted to - the Manchester Pride Parade is the perfect platform to show your 'Devotion!'
The Expo provides you with the opportunity to get up-close and personal with visitors to Manchester Pride. Situated in the in-door arena this hugely popular community space gives exhibitors the chance to showcase their organisation, spend face-to face time with visitors, promote goods or services and carry out consultations.
The expo is ideal for local community groups, public sector organisations and commercial businesses, and is open over The Big Weekend from Saturday - Monday between 11:00am and 5:00pm.
Why not visit Pride Angel at the Expo to chat over your parenting options.

Donor conceived need to find the truth about their sperm donor's identity

Sperm donation is a topic that makes some people uncomfortable. For me, any qualms about discussing sperm vanished when I began producing a documentary about donor-conceived adults for the ABC. Sperm became a constant topic of conversation as we tried to unpack why in the past, sperm donation was anonymous and shrouded in secrecy.
In making our film Sperm Donors Anonymous we are hoping to reach the thousands of men who donated sperm anonymously and say: please watch these stories of children conceived with anonymous sperm. Many are growing into adults, finding out the truth about their conception, and many would like to know about their biological fathers. They have a right to know.
Laws need to be passed in Australia giving them this right. It’s time to put an end to the secrecy and the lack of openness that has surrounded donor-conception. Anonymity is a flawed process causing distress and grief for children, parents and sperm donors themselves.
When we started our project, director Lucy Paplinska and I made contact with sperm donors and donor-conceived adults through the Victorian Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority (Varta).
We met Michael Griffiths, 40, a musical theatre performer who, at 28, found out by accident that he was donor-conceived when he read it in his mother’s unpublished autobiography. This revelation had a profound impact on him, causing a great deal of soul searching. Unfortunately, Michael was conceived in South Australia where many donor records were deliberately destroyed, but he was determined to discover his donor’s identity to complete the picture of his own identity.
At a group meeting in Melbourne, we met Ian Smith, a donor from the Madmen (Melbourne Anonymous Donors). Ian spoke about how he felt for the seven children he had fathered but never met. He and other donors at the meeting revealed a side to this story we hadn’t heard before. Here were guys who donated sperm more than 30 years ago, who at the time of donating thought little about “offspring”. But now they were open to contact, and in doing so, were supporting the donor-conceived people they knew who were fighting for the right to identifying information about their donor.
Lucy and I often asked ourselves what the fertility doctors who used anonymous sperm for almost 40 years were thinking. But it is estimated that the majority of the 60,000 donor-conceived people in Australia don’t know they are donor-conceived. Their parents haven’t told them, the clinics won’t tell them, and it’s not recorded on their birth certificates.
The clinics, in order to get on with the business of creating babies for infertile couples, made a decision in the 1970s that anonymous sperm donation was the only way society could deal with this new fertility treatment. This plan works as long as children don’t find out they are donor-conceived, and parents can shoulder the burden of keeping their secret.
Ross Hunter, who we also met in Melbourne, found out he was donor conceived at age 33. He wants to find his donor but his conception records are still to be located and his donor is not on a voluntary register or DNA database. Along with a group of other donor conceived folk, Ross started a campaign called RUDC? (Are you donor conceived?), encouraging children to ask their parents this question. But encouraging kids to ask also means encouraging parents to tell the truth. Parents are more likely to do this if they think their children will be able to find their donor.
The research to date isn’t conclusive on how many donors are open to contact. However it’s clear from our research that many donors are open to contact. We were fortunate two of our participants located their donors during filming and both were open to contact.
We followed Michael Griffiths as he returned to Adelaide looking for information about his donor. One donor came forward after reading a newspaper article but wanted to remain anonymous to Michael until a DNA test could prove paternity. A few weeks later, I went to visit the donor to ask if he would participate in our documentary.
I discovered he donated as a student. Seeing Michael’s face in a newspaper sent a jolt through him and he became determined to find out about the children he had fathered. He rang and emailed everyone he could think of – clinics, government, doctors. He showed me the file he kept tracking the correspondence; it was huge.
Here was a man coming to terms with the fact that he had children out there. He was willing to do a DNA test and go on a register, but no organisation in South Australia would facilitate a test, or give him information. When he told me his family was very musical (Michael is a singer and pianist), it was hard to hold back the tears. I could see clearly that the power of biological connection was going both ways, it wasn’t just the children who had a need to know.
Victorian clinics like Monash IVF now write to donors when requested by their biological children, as they have kept identity profiles. Some donors reject contact, and when they do, the clinic cannot give the children any identifying information. This rejection is painful. I know that making contact and handing over identifying information isn’t what anonymous donors signed up for, but there are real children out there.
I stayed in contact with the anonymous donor in Adelaide, and through the process of his DNA test with Michael. While waiting for the results of the test, he was on tenterhooks. He said he felt like an expectant father waiting for the birth of a child.
Article: 17th August 2015 www.theguardian.com

Liverpool in the UK needs to recruit more sperm donors

Liverpool’s sperm bank is running dry due to a drought of willing donors.
Rule changes mean men who donate sperm can no longer hide their identities and are not paid. This has “decimated” the number of willing volunteers, according to Prof Charles Kingsland, founder of the Hewitt Fertility Centre in Liverpool Women’s Hospital.
Prof Kingsland said there is a growing need for sperm donors, but around another 200 men need to sign up in Liverpool for fertility experts to keep pace with demand. Prof Kingsland said: “The law changed so that a child has a right to know their genetic parent and donors cannot be paid for their service.
“Unsurprisingly, that decimated our sperm donation programme. It had a devastating impact. “Who is going to donate if you do not get paid and you are not allowed to remain anonymous?”
The law changed in 2006 to allow children fathered by sperm donors to track down their biological dad once they turn 18. The number of donors coming forward has fallen steadily ever since.
Prof Kingsland, a professor of reproductive medicine and a consultant gynaecologist, said: “The whole process has become much more difficult, but the demand has not gone away.
“We are now seeing more people importing sperm from overseas. The sperm donation capital is Denmark. “They have a whole industry over there because the laws covering anonymity are different and donors can be paid more money.”
The Hewitt Fertility Centre is now appealing for more donors to come forward. Prof Kingsland said: “We need healthy Liverpudlian males who may wish to consider this to help people who are in a position where they need sperm donation.
“We have the Hewitt Fertility Centre here in our city, a huge internationally renowned service, but we just can’t get the number of donors.”
He continued: “Liverpudlians are legendarily generous and if anywhere should suffer from a shortage of donors, it shouldn’t be here.”
The shortage of donors places massive mental strain on the families desperate to start a family. Prof Kingsland said: “Not being able to find a donor takes a big psychological toll. “The rules now mean waiting times are inevitably protracted and demand far outstrips supply.”
The primary recipients of donor sperm are heterosexual couples suffering from male infertility, lesbian couples and single women.
When straight couples opt to use a sperm donor, rigorous testing is carried out to find a donor with similar physical characteristics to the male partner.
Donors must also be rigorously screened for diseases, genetic defects and other health problems to ensure the children are born as healthy as possible.
Article: 15th August 2015 www.liverpoolecho.co.uk

Pride Angel Journey - Books and Daddies

August 10, 2015 22:36 by PrideAngelAdmin

I walked into the living room to find my parents reading an old book of mine to two-year-old Luna. There was an awkwardness in the atmosphere. It turned out they’d panicked at the appearance of the main character’s ‘daddy’, but explained they’d managed to handle it by saying it was ‘grandad’. Phew! Still, much as Luna is very clear about what being part of an LGBT family means (looking at the page of ‘Dads’ in the Ahlbergs’ the Baby’s Catalogue: “Does Luna have a Daddy?”, “no, two mummies.”) it would be nice to see our own family structure reflected a little more frequently.
Of course there are some excellent LGBT books for toddlers available: in Newman and Thompson’s Mommy, Mama and Me, the mummies are uncannily like Sal and me in the mothering roles they adopt and Luna is clearly convinced that the story was written about her little life. But you don’t just walk into any old high street book shop and find those books. Not in my experience anyway. Not yet.
In the meantime, we might just have to make a few subtle alterations to some of the stories we already read and have Little Red Riding Hood rescued from the wolf’s belly by the woodcutter the sperm donor and Goldilocks tasting the porridge of Mummy Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear.
And if a daddy crops up again somewhere? Well, maybe he’ll be with his boyfriend...
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 10th August 2015