Pride Angel Journey - The Car

“Milkies! MILKIES!” “We can’t while we’re in the car, Luna – we’ll be home soon for Milkies.” “MILKIES!” [sob] “Sorry my little one, not yet.” But there was a time not so long ago when I would have performed car-seat breastfeeding acrobatics. Back then refusing ‘milky’ wasn’t an option. Now, at almost two she’s disappointed, but there’s potential for moving the conversation on, for a while at least. “Look, what’s jangly sheep doing?” “Bouncing! Jangy seep bouncing!” “Uh uh uh uh!” “Oh Willow, you’ve lost all your toys – look here’s kitten…” “Luna kitten, Luna kitten, KITTEN!” “Shall we sing again? Oh the grand old duke of…” “Sun bwind off. Too bwight! TOO BWIGHT! … MILKIES!” When Willow was born people kept referring to some advert on telly where a parent is driving round getting a baby to sleep and every time the car stops at traffic lights, the baby wakes up. “You’ll know about this!” They said. But we didn’t. We had two children under fifteen months: we hadn’t watched telly in…well…fifteen months. And as for that myth of children going to sleep in car seats…? One day I’ll have my front passenger seat back. I’ll sit back and relax and our biggest crisis as we head down the M1 will be a splash of tea escaping from my travel mug as we hit a pothole. Or that we’ve lost our place in the latest Sarah Waters novel on audiobook. But for now, here I am in the middle back seat between two huge, rearward facing Isofix contraptions. I’m partially buried under a mound of crinkly, fluorescent Lamaze creatures all with terrifyingly huge eyes and at least two limbs joined together by a teething bar. I will replace the four sun blinds with suction-lacking suckers around 47 times during this 2-hour journey. I will sing ‘Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star’ repeatedly for twenty minutes while eyelids flicker and it seems they might just drop off. And I WILL enjoy this chaotic, noisy muddle of a journey, because when I’m back in that front passenger seat, I’ll surely miss it. Article: 15th May 2015 by Lindsey, West Yorkshire

Leading fertility lawyer says UK surrogacy laws must be reformed urgently

Britain’s surrogacy laws are no longer good enough and must be reformed urgently to stop court battles wrecking people’s lives, a leading fertility lawyer has said. Her comments follow a legal ruling where a woman who had a baby with a gay couple but then refused them access was ordered to hand her one-year-old daughter over to the men. The judge ruled in favour of the men after concluding it would in the best interests of the girl that she grow up with her father and his partner. The case has reopened the debate around surrogacy in the UK, where a lack of regulation means that disputes between parents and surrogates often end up in the courts. Natalie Gamble, one of the UK’s leading fertility lawyers, said: “The law urgently needs changing. The laws in place were written in the 1980s and the world has moved on. I don’t think they were ever properly thought through. “The situation around UK-based surrogacy is driving thousands of parents overseas every year and creating new issues such as children born to UK parents being stuck abroad. What we urgently need is a proper structure.” Peter Morris, a partner and family law specialist at Irwin Mitchell, said: “The key issue raised by this case is that the UK lacks a clear, comprehensive legal framework to cover the concept of surrogacy. “A number of countries, including the US, have a proper process that those involved in surrogacy must undertake. Such systems would see all of those involved make a clear agreement regarding the future of the child.” In the latest case, the woman, identified only as S, said she had entered into an agreement, which would see her acting as the “main parent and carer”. The child’s genetic father, known as H, disputed this, saying the agreement was that he and his male partner, known as B, would “co-parent” the girl, with the woman continuing to “play a role”. The judge, Ms Justice Russell, ruled in favour of the father at the High Court. Under UK law, surrogates are the legal mother of any child they carry, even if they are not genetically related, unless they sign a parental order after they give birth transferring their rights to the intended parents. Article: 10th May 2015 www.independent.co.uk

Fertility guru helped a thousand women get pregnant using Chinese herbs and Acupuncture

Around one in seven couples suffer with infertility and an increasing number are seeking alternative therapies in the hope it will bring them a longed for baby. Those who can afford it can turn to London's famous private medical haven Harley Street, where Dr Xiao-Ping Zhai has been helping women conceive for decades using only traditional Chinese medicine. Now she's invited BBC cameras inside The Zhai Clinic, which she opened in 1996, to reveal the secrets of her success. 'I'm a doctor who initially trained in western medicine, then I studied Chinese medicine as I realised lots of problems couldn't be overcome by traditional western medicine,' she explains to Vanessa Engle for the documentary Inside Harley Street, which airs tonight on BBC2. Dr Zhai's methods include acupuncture and prescribing a bespoke combination of Chinese herbs which must be taken day and night. The herbs may be drunk as a tea or are provided as a vitamin tablet - 12 must be taken in the morning and 12 in the evening. The vitamins contain natural ingredients such goji berries, Chinese yan and ginger. Dr Zhai says as a result of her natural remedies: 'I have brought more than one thousand babies into the world.' One of them was advertising director Jane Parker's son Rupert. He was conceived when she was 40. Jane, from London, previously told the Mail On Sunday how she fell pregnant using Dr Zhai's methods after two failed cycles of IVF. She said: 'I'd read an article about her, and had arranged it even before I'd had the IVF – she had a long waiting list. I was in an emotional state of shock when I saw her in December 2008. 'I was convinced she was going to tell me I was too old. Yet she was incredibly reassuring, giving me confidence without raising my hopes to unrealistic levels. 'She ran a series of checks including blood tests and scans. She only prescribes after she's been through the results. 'In January 2009, alongside regular acupuncture sessions, I started taking specially prepared herbs, following her advice on which supplements to take and made several changes to my lifestyle (including giving up alcohol, taking no vigorous exercise and avoiding cold drinks). 'One month later, I’d just returned from holiday and realised my period was late. I bought a pregnancy test and discovered I was expecting! I carried on with the acupuncture, herbs and supplements throughout the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. 'I gave birth to Rupert in November 2009 when I was 41. I genuinely believe that if I hadn’t seen Dr Zhai, I wouldn't have my son.' The new BBC documentary, which airs this evening follows May Lyang, 36, who hopes to have a success story like Jane's after five years of trying. She turned to Dr Zhai after losing a baby she conceived via IVF treatment on the NHS. She said: 'I got pregnant and I carried through for 11 weeks but then I miscarried a month ago. 'I think about it every day but you have to move on so that's why I'm here. You have to take positive steps and not think about what is lost.' May has an initial consultation with Dr Zhai which costs £250 for an hour. During the assessment, Dr Zhai quizzes her on her lifestyle and observes that she doesn't appear to be in the best health because of the appearance of her tongue and her pale complexion. But she tells her she had potential and she's confident she will conceive. May pays £300 a month for tea made from Chinese herbs. Further check-ups with Dr Zhai will cost her £130, while three sessions of acupuncture at the clinic cost £350. After a period taking the Chinese herbal tea, she is then prescribed a mixture of Chinese herbs in a pill form which must be taken 24 times a day (12 in the morning and 12 in the evening) for two weeks, costing around £150. The BBC documentary catches up with May months on from her first appointment with Dr Zhai and while she still hasn't become pregnant, she remains hopeful. Read more ...

Fertility & IVF Information Evening in Cheshire

A Fertility and IVF information evening is being held this Wednesday evening at the Centre for Reproductive Health in Cheshire. If you are considering the option of creating your family by IVF or donor conception then this is an ideal opportunity to gain some extra information, ask questions and have a guided tour of the clinic. The seminar is free to attend - All we ask is that you register for the event as places are limited. You can register online here. Programme of talks: 6.00pm Welcome and Introduction Luciano Nardo, Consultant Gynaecologist & IVF Specialist 6.05pm – 6.30pm The IVF journey Ruth Arnesen, Senior Embryologist 6.30pm - 7.00pm Embryology update – what difference does time lapse make? Caroline Watkins, Embryologist 7.00pm – 7.30pm Creating a family through donor conception Karen Carmichael, Pride Angel 7.30pm – 7.45pm Q & A 7.45pm – 8.30pm Tour of the clinic When and where: Wednesday 22nd April 2015 6pm – 8.30pm Centre for Reproductive Health Daresbury Park, Cheshire, WA4 4GE

Co-parenting Journe: Seven months pregnant and basking in our glow

Both my wife and I have had unanimously positive reactions to our pregnancy. The only confusion for people who don’t know our relationship background is working out what my wife means when she says “We’re seven months pregnant”. It takes a second or two for people of average intelligence to look her up and down, ascertain that she isn’t pregnant herself, and, if they reach the right conclusion unprompted, think of the possibility that she means her wife. People are getting there with it, they really are. Of course our friends and colleagues already know and are being amazing and kind, asking us how it is all going and grinning knowingly. We’ve had baby equipment donations, gifts from distant colleagues in far flung offices, hugs, smiles and the ultimate compliment, “You’re glowing!” Pregnancy is like joining a special club. It breaks down barriers. People see my football-shaped belly from 100 paces and zone in on me with nuggets of advice, questions (‘When’s it due? Do you know what it is?’), and a general urge to stand a little closer, perhaps touch me, as a fount of life. The best opener I’ve had so far has been “If you need to be induced, go and do reflexology instead – it might make you go into labour.” This was in a cinema. And this morning, kindly encouragement from the milk shop cashier: “Try to push, don’t let them cut you.” I find myself doing it too. Zeroing in on other expectant mothers with the same excited (albeit slightly banal) need to engage: “Ooh that’s a big bump.” Yes, I actually said that to someone. In all, I’ve never spoken to so many kind friendly strangers as since my baby bump has been noticeable. Reactions from animals are much the same; cats snuggle up to my belly. Another literally sprang on to it, kneading, pawing and purring (it was a cat-nip kind of moment). On googling it I didn’t find a concrete link other than ‘they just know’ – clearly it’s such a primordial, instinctive, deeply animal thing to humans and animals alike. I offered my wife the chance to pen some words about how she’s feeling as the ‘un-pregnant parent’. Being a stereotypical scientist, this did not go down too well and as is oft the case, I am left to mine, extract and interpret her thoughts and feelings. All the signs are good; she’s talking and singing to my belly, engaging in the purchasing of baby things. She’s got the room painted and most importantly assists in tricky leaning forward tasks – standing up, stairs, anything to do with feet, socks, shoes and laces. With the aid of her earplugs, she sure isn’t losing sleep. Inevitably the perceptions and reactions of others comes into it. How do our families feel? Well no one, partially estranged or otherwise, has even breathed the old humdinger of biological fact that the baby ‘isn’t hers’. This is great as it has been known to crop up in even the most loving family circles to fly in the face of couples’ obvious focus on their baby for all the reasons it is both of theirs (just sayin). In other situations it’s slighted the sturdiest emotional house of cards in response to same-sex parenting and a collective preoccupation with the baby’s ‘origin’. Thank goodness not in our case, perhaps my greatest fear unrealised, we’re lucky, loved and loving it. On the plus side, being a scientist (of questionable emotional depth), my wife can ever be relied upon for taking the simple, instinctive approach to non-scientific questions. We’re seven months pregnant and our daughter is soon to change our lives forever. Article: Two excited mums to be 9th April 2015 www.prideangel.com

Benefits of Reflexology treatments for Fertility

Reflexology has been used for centuries to benefit health and wellbeing and there is ancient evidence that it has been used to aid fertility and conception and it still is to this day. There is a stage in life when we start to reflect about having a family and what it means to us to become a mother, a father and parent. To enter into that stage which society and culture has us believing is a natural rite of passage is not necessarily a straight forward path, made especially difficult when the reality dawns that falling pregnant is not that easy. Reflexology for Fertility For whatever reason unique to the individual couple the anxiety, worry and stress of an unmet desire can bring strain to relationships and even isolation from friends while the process of getting pregnant takes center stage. Reflexology has been used for fertility, pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood for as as long as humans have understood the therapeutic benefit of loving touch (Holt et al 2009). Reflexology assists in re-balancing the mind/body connection – enabling the recipient to regain homeostasis (Tiran 2010). How Does Reflexology Work? Using reflexology for fertilityReflexology is a massage technique that is applied by a reflexologist to specific acupressure points on the feet. The points on the feet correspond to a specific organ of the body. Applying pressure to these points on the feet stimulates movement or a release of energy/prana/chi to the corresponding organ. With time, a connection to your center and a deep therapeutic relaxation ensues. A treatment always provides solace and the space necessary for healing, allowing us to reconnect to our bodies within. McCullough et al (2014) conducted a systematic review on the benefits of reflexology. Looking from a purely medical standpoint, which plotted quantifiable data, the findings displayed as inconclusive. However, from my experience as a reflexologist, I argue that the research needs to come from another angle; one which measures the oxytocin release during the reflexology session and the effect this has on the body. Extensive research has been conducted into the “fight and flight” system in the body, where high levels of the hormones cortisol and adrenalin are released during times of high stress. In contrast, research into the sense of “calm and connectedness” we feel as a result of the release of oxytocin and endorphins during a reflexology, massage or acupuncture session is limited. Reflexology for Reproductive Health Problems Polycystic ovaries, cervical problems, adhesions (more commonly known as scar tissue), pelvic inflammatory disease, premenstrual syndrome, hormonal imbalances, blocked or damaged fallopian tubes, endometriosis and menstrual problems have all shown improvement from reflexology (Holt et al 2009, McCullough et al 2014 and Tiran D 2010). Within a few sessions, improved health and wellbeing surface. In order to address fertility health, a reflexology therapist will work through the reflexology points specific to the clients area(s) of health concern, such as the: •ovaries •lymphatic system •immune system •uterus •circulatory system •neurological system (stress, anxiety, depression) •endocrine system (hormone balance) •liver (toxin release, hormone balance) •kidneys (libido, fertility issues) Reflexology works best when the client also ensures healthy lifestyle habits are in place. These include but are not limited to diet, exercise, relaxation, work/life balance. Article: by Kristy Hawthorn 27th February 2015 www.natural-fertility-info.com Read more about sperm donation and fertility at www.prideangel.com

Co-parenting journey - Planning for the unplannable

Pinning down our co-parenting arrangement is proving tricky for me conceptually. Not least because we wrote our statements of intent before we’d even conceived. Five months into the pregnancy, after a few pre-Christmas sick days in which to dip into some co-parenting case law, it’s time to review what we thought we thought back then… it’s all about expectations, don’t you know! All of us have been model co-parents so far - agreeable, co-operative and easy-going – and maybe that’s part of the determination we mummies feel to meet aspirations on all sides. But what happens when the baby comes? We had decided against a formal legal document - the cost of a bespoke solution seemed out of our means and we questioned the usefulness of a (cheaper) template. It may have been legally binding, but perhaps just not meaningful to us without a lot of work – and maybe more money - to tailor it. Feeling that our co-parenting circumstances were highly personal and very unique to us, we opted to agree a parenting statement between us instead. P and G wrote theirs, we agreed their points and made our written response which they then agreed (as mentioned in previous blog). Luckily it revealed shared parenting values and a plenty of consideration that the arrangement would need to ‘evolve’ – really the best we could all have expected, on paper at least. So the next question is ‘how is the first nine months going to work?’ Our baby will need its mummies, the dads will want to see and be with him/her as soon as possible after birth, and we’ll all inevitably fall head over heels in love with our little baby. Just maybe, we’ll no longer feel so relaxed about the evolution of our arrangement. Hmmn, so many questions. And so many possible complications on the winding road ahead. But as each scan brings us closer to our baby – a clue as to just how much we’re going to love it when it finally arrives – I realise that is just the first big test for us all. The first of many many more to come. Getting to the next stage is going to require more talking, thinking and planning (over a dinner of course). Sometimes that might involve saying no, compromise will feature strongly but certainly in the meantime, as we prepare for the birth, it will require the purchase of a sofabed. Perhaps it’s just intangible without baby on the scene… or the pregnancy hormones talking, but now we’ve had a chat about it, trust in our arrangement is the order of the day. And in my lucid moments at least the doubts are giving over to a feeling of optimism - that this thing is really going to work.