Pride Angel Journey - Food

With babies, food is simple: it’s just very messy. We did baby-led-weaning which means avoiding spooning mush into them and pretty much letting them feed themselves with whatever we happened to be making for ourselves that meal. They fed themselves, their bibs, their chairs, the table, the floor and anything within a 2-metre radius. Messy.
With toddlers, food is less messy, but it is complicated. As the messiness subsides, the complicatedness increases – mathematically, it is a case of negative correlation. For us, it probably started with a mild unwillingness to try new foods. But other issues arose. Like the problem of foods mixing on the plate or contaminating each other. Porridge must be served flat. VERY flat. Where relevant, food items should be served whole: chopping constituent parts to cool them or prevent them being a choking hazard can be hazardous in itself. Some foods are always edible. Butter, for example, which is best consumed in isolation and in quantity, ideally straight from the packet in large bites. I would consider placing a bet on Willow’s ability, given fifteen minutes to locate (and consume) a raisin in any room. Chips trump anything and the wily toddler having finished his or her own portion in seconds, will develop a range of tactics designed to separate other, more naïve diners from their own share. I’m sure it wasn’t coincidence that a fairly rare occurrence of the word ‘please’ arose in the sentence “Willow, please may I have your chips?’ Willow meanwhile, fearing their imminent loss, rammed all five chips on his plate into his mouth at once. All of this is further complicated by friends and relatives occasionally coming out with ridiculous old classics like “you can’t have any pudding until you’ve eaten your main course”, as if pudding is some sort of reward for making it through the drudgery of savoury food. And amidst the imperious demands of “I want…!” and the horror-stricken cries of “Don’t cut it up…!”, I wonder…messy, then complicated…then calm and straightforward? Somehow I doubt it. Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 10th April 2016

Co-parenting Journey: Boob and chain what they don’t tell you about breastfeeding

After a busy Co-Co-Co-parenting Christmas our then 6 month old is a very busy very opinionated nearly mobile nearly 9 months. As I type there’s a heavy breathing/ panting and clanging noise coming from the dangerous corner of the living room. Yup, where the tv and electricals are. Sigh. She hasn’t napped. Nor has she stilled. She cried at lunch until I made her favourite fruit and yogurt. How did I know that’s what she wanted? Something about a little finger with a frazzled mummy wrapped around it…
Most significantly she WILL NOT take bottle. This is the crisis of the hour. And yet another small but important possibility that no one warns you about. We’d assumed that because she took bottle as a baby we could re-introduce it at any time. Well she’s not having a bar of it and I fear we’ve left it too late now, not least because she likes to have things her way - so be warned prospective Pride Angel parents! Turns out Munchkin was teething. But how do you ever know. A friend pointed out the bulges in her gums, “We had that, her teeth will be through soon.” And sure enough there they were, two widely spaced little top teeth poking through not two days later. She’s recently been referred to as a toddler. Perhaps a little prematurely but that’s how it’s beginning to feel. Her newly conquered milestones seem a lot this month; mobility - a form of crawling but she’s more interested in standing/walking, showing excitement, dancing (a vigorous head shake), first actual tantrum not wanting to go to sleep, pointing to her sippy cup when she wants a drink, longer spells of concentration and engagement at baby classes, more talking, lots of nose-picking, the list goes on. Probably there were long lists at each previous month and perhaps I’ve said it before but we’ve really got a little person on our hands. With this comes the inevitable planning for regaining mummy’s former life. Do I want it back? Or do I want to be with my girl? I keep telling myself it will be good for her to start nursery and learn to look after herself. Best of all there’s no doubt she appears to have the independent self-sufficient spirit that will see her thrive. But… it’s just another transition in the parenting journey. Like every other parent we’re tormenting ourselves with the notion of upsizing. “Let’s move to the country, it’ll be better for the baby!” Really? Isn’t commuting going to be tough enough for the next few years, sprinting, literally, from nursery to work and back. Every minute without her is going to feel like it counts. So for now it’s little steps and a lot of ‘let’s see’. As for co-parenting, we’re wangling a day off work a week per parenting set; our girl will get a daddy day and a mummy day each week. This is a very much hoped for arrangement coming to fruition. Her day with her dad will hopefully provide the benefits of regular one-on-one access - what a treat a whole day just the two of them!

Funded fertility treatment for lesbian couples near impossible in Northern Ireland

A lesbian couple who cannot get free fertility treatment claim they are being indirectly discriminated against because of their sexuality.
The women were initially told by health professionals they could be treated by the National Health Service (NHS). But they were "devastated" when that changed. The Department of Health said same-sex couples had "the same eligibility to publicly funded specialist infertility treatment as other couples". According to criteria set out by the department, a couple has to be trying to conceive for three years unsuccessfully or have a medical condition before they are entitled to one free cycle of fertility treatment from the health service. The same criteria applies to heterosexual couples. But the women argue that it is impossible for them to meet the criteria used by the regional fertility centre in Northern Ireland. They said the criteria were drawn up with only a man and woman in mind. The rules need to change as has happened in Scotland, the women said, to accommodate same-sex couples. The couple told the BBC that they cannot afford private treatment. They had approached their GPs and Belfast's regional fertility clinic. "Initially we were jumping around the room, we were so excited that we were going to be put on the waiting list," one of the women, who did not want to be named, said. Conflicting "When we did go to the hospital [we were] told it was only available for heterosexuals and they couldn't fund us. "We felt they were saying: 'No, you are lesbians, there was no equality, we won't help you.'" The women said they approached the BBC because of the conflicting information they received from GPs and other health professionals. They are also accusing the Department of Health of indirect discrimination. 'Committed' "We shouldn't be treated any differently," one of the women said. "It is offered on the NHS to people who are infertile - in a way, we are infertile as we can't have a baby in the way nature intended. "That is through no fault of our own." The woman's partner said they are committed to each other and are in a stable relationship. "We love each other, we want to build a life together and should not be discriminated against," she said. Changing The number of same-sex couples attempting to get pregnant in Northern Ireland is growing. In 2013, about 60 couples sought fertility treatment privately. In the past 18 months that figure has jumped to more than 200. Agenda Tracey McDowell of Here NI, an independent support group for gay and bisexual women, said achieving reproductive rights for same-sex couples is the next stage in their fight for equality. "It is yet another barrier that we have to face and try and overcome," Ms McDowell said. Read more...

Pride Angel Journey - Digger working mummy!

A burst of excitement inside me. A transporter carrying a tractor! And then I remember that I’m driving to work, alone. A wasted sighting and, quite frankly, a wasted transporter and tractor out on these commuter roads at 7.30am. The proper place for such vehicles is of course en route to toddler group or the park at around 9.30am. Along with the dustbin lorries, diggers and fire engines. Woe betides the heavy goods vehicle which has purposes other than the diversion of my small children.
Ideally, we want them to love nature: to watch entranced as the blue tits make their nest in the bird box; to leave no stone unturned in their quest to differentiate a millipede from a centipede; to roam and trudge and stamp and splodge in mud and puddles and miry earth day after rainy day. But whilst they are undeniably happy out there pottering through woodland, climbing on tree stumps and dragging large sticks around, it is only when the thunderous clumsy rumble of a tractor saws through the tranquillity of the countryside that they respond with the delirious excitement of well…a child in a sweet shop? Perhaps it’s time we changed that old idiom to the child in the digger shop… So, we brush away the ideals, because there are many things where there are small children, like joy and chaos and mess and fun – but ideals? No, never. It’s time to embrace the digger love: on hearing the familiar grumble in street, we dash to the bedroom window every Tuesday at 7am to watch the emptying of the wheelie bins. We tell stories of broken cars and transporters driving around mouths in an effort to get teeth brushed. And we take pleasure in the mile after mile of 50mph roadworks on the M62, knowing that there’s a good chance we might catch sight of “digger working, Mummy!” Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 10th March 2016

Buying fertility on the internet: fair play or risky business?

Your voice is needed!
On Tuesday 8 March, UCL is hosting a panel debate entitled ‘Buying fertility on the internet: fair play or risky business?’ The evening will be dedicated to the topic of accessing fertility outside of the regulated UK IVF clinics, and will feature Laura Witjens, CEO of the National Gamete Donation Trust and Lucy Van de Wiel, a Cambridge sociologist specialising in issues in fertility. Chaired by Dan Reisel, research associate at UCL’s Institute for Women’s Health, the debate will cover the pros and cons of buying fertility on the internet. However, there is a voice missing in this debate, and that is the experience of people who have actually done this themselves. As the chair of the debate, I feel strongly that the evening would do the topic a disservice unless someone whose life had been affected by ex-clinic donations was part of the conversation. In particular, it would be important to ensure that we had represented on the panel LGBT people and their experience of accessing fertility services. There are structural inequalities and discriminatory processes that mean that same-gender couples have to pay considerably more at present, and this is one of the main drivers for excellent internet sites such as prideangel.com. In healthcare there is a motto, ‘no decision about me without me’ and this applies to the policy debates concerning assisted fertility as well. The debate is free and open to the public, and will be followed by drinks at UCL’s venerable North Cloisters. Please come along to attend and, if you feel able to, please contact Dan Reisel (d.reisel@ucl.ac.uk) if you want to join us as a panellist. Your personal story is vital and would enrich the panel immeasurably.

Award winning independent production company Ponda Films are working with a leading UK broadcaster to produce a documentary series about co-parenting.

We are currently looking to speak to individuals who are currently looking into or going through the beginnings of the selection process, who are at the start of their journey to finding a co-parent.

Our aim is to make a frank and intelligent documentary that allows those going through the co-parenting process to speak openly about their experiences, treating them with honesty and sensitivity.

If you are currently looking to co-parent and would like to find out more about the documentary please get in touch with Fozia at fozia@ponda.tv. Our conversation would be an opportunity for us to explain more about the project, and learn more from you.  All correspondence is entirely confidential, with no obligation to take part.

We have extensive experience in making sensitive and intelligent programmes on a variety of topics – for more information please visit www.ponda.tv

Lesbian non-bio mum wins IVF daughter appeal

The girl was taken to Pakistan after a relationship ended - but now a court could work to bring the seven-year-old back to the UK.
A lesbian woman battling with her ex-partner for the return of her IVF-born daughter from Pakistan has been given hope by a Supreme Court ruling. The girl’s biological mother and sole legal parent took her out of the UK in 2014, three years after their relationship ended.
But the woman who won today’s decision also considers herself a de facto parent to the seven-year-old - who was conceived by IVF in 2008. Her efforts to force her former partner to bring the girl back to the UK had been blocked by the High Court and Court of Appeal.
They said they could not intervene because the girl was not habitually resident in Britain when the legal action started. However, Supreme Court justices have now overturned those rulings - deciding she had been resident and allowing the woman’s appeal.
The case now goes back to the High Court for a judge to reconsider whether to take steps to bring the girl back from Pakistan. Lawyers say the ruling has important implications.
Maria Wright, from Freemans Solicitors, said: "The consequence of the Supreme Court's decision is that the English court can properly consider what is in (the child's) best interests and, if appropriate, order contact or (the child's) return to England."
Article: 3rd February 2016 www.news.sky.com

A Celistan & Co. Films is currently seeking real people to share their stories regarding Parenting Partnerships for an upcoming television series.

We want to capture the essence of what it takes to go through the journey of co­parenting without the parents having ever been romantically involved. They could be good long time friends or complete strangers, who simply want to come together to create and raise a child.  

We understand how challenging this process may be. We want to help people become the parents they wish to be and be able to provide a modern family unit filled with the love and attention every child deserves.  

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How women choose sperm donors online - study shows intelligent, shy donors are more sought after

A study into how women choose sperm donors via online websites has revealed men who are intellectual, shy, calm and methodical are selected to produce more children than those who are extroverted. It also highlighted that women choose donors who have a higher income, even though there is no requirement for ongoing parental support.
The study, Determinants of online sperm donor success: how women choose by Stephen Whyte and Professor Benno Torgler from QUT's Queensland Behavioural Economics Group, has been published by the international journal Applied Economic Letters.
"Worldwide demand for sperm donors is so great an informal online market has emerged in which offspring are being produced outside of the more formal fertility clinic setting," said Mr Whyte.
"You would expect in an online setting, men would have to sell or promote themselves to women, and extroverted men should be better at doing that. But what we find is actually the opposite.
"In what we believe is the first study to include males who are donating purely through unregulated websites and forums, we interviewed and collected data from 56 men.
"This online donor market works quite differently to fertility clinics in that it facilitates more interaction between the recipient and the donor. This allows us to explore individual donor personality characteristics and how likely they are to be chosen by women as their donor.
"Women were far less likely to choose the sperm of fretful or socially awkward men but at the same time those with lively, extroverted personalities were also less successful in being chosen."
The participants for the study were aged between 23 and 66 and were from Australia, Canada, the UK, Italy, Sweden and the USA. Data was collected across 2012 and 2013 via online surveys of regulated (paid), semi-regulated and online sperm donation forums and websites such as Pride Angel.
"Research has previously shown humans are good at judging personality traits as well as levels of intelligence with only minimal exposure to appearance and behaviours, and our findings certainly seem to support that," Mr Whyte said.
"We also found that 73 per cent of our participants who had children by donation kept in touch via mail, email, phone, video link or even in person with at least one of their donor children."

Pride Angel Journey - Christmas in Toddlerdom

Luna shakes broken crumbs out of the hollow Christmas tree chocolate on to her plate. “I’m shaking the seeds out.” This is a two-and-a-half-year-old who has eaten a lot more fruit than chocolate. I briefly ponder the idea of planting a chocolate seed and waiting for the tree to grow and fruit. Just briefly though: there’s not much time for pondering with two toddlers loose near a Christmas tree.
Usually it’s just the baubles they go for, or the lights, but I did have to peel half a dozen pine needles off Luna’s tongue on Christmas Day evening; apparently hunger returns relatively quickly after a three-course roast dinner, and hunger coupled with tiredness led not for the first time to eating plants rather than asking for food.
Willow meanwhile, at eighteen months old, spent Christmas Day using his new catchphrase every time a wrapped present appeared: “what’s in there?!” If the wrapping happened to be relatively quick and easy to remove, he would stay the course, but more often than not by the time his question could be answered, he was engaged in using a remote control as a phone, pilfering someone’s keys or hunting for long-lost raisins under furniture.
I have to admit that ‘Jingle Bells’ has really brought on their singing – both can make it right through the chorus if you allow for a sort of mumbly skipping over the awkward line ‘one-horse open sleigh’ and it’s easily taken over ‘Ba Ba Black Sheep’ as the favourite. I have a feeling that by April they’ll have it mastered and we’ll never want to hear any Christmas song ever again.
For both us and the children I think the whole festive period has been a muddle of chaos, bewilderment, excitement and exhaustion. And earlier today I bemoaned the fact that it would likely be years before we could reasonably be part of some sort of adult celebration of New Year.
But lying here in bed at 9pm on New Year’s Eve writing this with a sleeping two-year-old snuggled up against me – a two-year-old who when asked what she wanted for Christmas, replied “mushroom” and whose only wish when she stirred the Christmas pudding was to “eat it”, I know that such innocence is a precious thing and that one day, there’ll be nothing I want more than another Christmas in Toddlerdom.
Article: by Lindsey, West Yorkshire 2nd January 2016